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Feb 02, 05
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Advice for a friend
K so my friends about 95 pounds but she thinks shes fat and wont admit she has an eatin dissorder. she doesnt starve herself or make herself puke but everytime we get ready to go out or when she gets ready for school she criticizes herself for being fat or looking like a pig... I try to talk to her or tell her to give herself compliments whenver she thinks of something negative but it doesnt work for her Im really worried cuz I dont want her to get sick or sent away but she just wont admit theres anything wrong?? Any advice on somehting I can say to her or do?
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Feb 02, 05
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hmm..thats harsh hun...i donno, i have never really had a close friend in that situation..but just be there for her as a friend and for mental support..perhaps you 2 could start doing physical activities *if you dont already* like going to the gym or swimming, because exercise relases endorphines & raises ceritonin(sp) leverls which ultimatly make you feel a natural high, and very good about yourself. that mite help :)
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Feb 02, 05
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first question: she doesnt starve herself, but does she eat properly? if she does, and is a healthy person that is not weak or malnurished then its probably just an attention thing.
if shes not eating properly (4 meals a day, not alot of junk and so on) encourage her to, she'll get more energy and end up feeling better. when i was sick, i coudlnt eat that much cause i'd throw up. it was a virus thing, anyways, i felt shitter and shitter because i had no energy or strength. even though i was rapidly loosing weight, i felt pudgy, and didnt start buying smaller clothes to fit me until i started to eat properly again and get back into a regular active lifestyle. second question: is she an active person? this doesnt mean sports or going to the gym, does she walk alot? does she go out alot? if not, encourage her to by asking her to join you whereever you may go. even walking around the mall for 4 hours is good for you, unless you drop $500..... to back things up to one of my origional thoughts - if she is eating properly, and is a generally healthy person (energetic, ect.) then its most likely an attention thing. i have had friends like this, and i became frank with them. they would be chewing on a big mac and i'd say "hey i thought you were trying to loose weight. why dont you get a salad or something. or go to subway" they'd get mad, but eventually see the point. sometimes you gotta be a bit rude. BUT i have also had friends with minor eating disorders. they wouldnt puke, they just wouldnt eat. how did i help them? i didnt. i supported them, offered them water and light food whenever i could. they helped themselves which isnt somethine everyone can do. one thing you can do is offer to go to a dietrition with her. say something like "hey i was thinking of changing my diet to get in great shape for the summer\grad\important date, and i want to do it the right way. im going to go see a dietrition, want to come with me?" they are full of information on what to eat, when to eat it and whats good for different things. intense exercise isnt something to always neccessarily try to get someone to do, i'd stick to small things like walks around a park, or the sea wall. or like i said before, the mall. best of luck.
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Feb 02, 05
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Its calling dishing for compliments. Tell her shes a skinny little bitch and to go eat a bagel. Love Always-Your personal adviser/pimp Jeanine.
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Feb 02, 05
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Feb 02, 05
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no she doesnt eat properly, im about the only person shell eat properly with but her mom has talked to me about it too, and her other friends are worried about her... and its not just lookin for compliments or else I would have seen through it ...
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Feb 02, 05
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You really don't get it, do you? Kitten, it's nice to know some of her friends are concerned about her. The problem with eating disorders is that people think that people only have serious problems if what they've done has escalated to a point of them having to be hospitalized. The implications of not properly nourishing yourself ARE serious. If someone hates themselves, this is more than a cry for attention, this is slowly putting yourself closer to death. Even if her friends are always there to attempt to put her insecurities at rest, she has it set in her head that she is all these things, no matter what people say. If you notice she's not properly taking care of herself, the WORST thing you can do is try to tiptoe around it or not say anything. I honestly have no idea where I would be if I didn't have one or two people in my life that actually noticed something was not right when I went through this (I don't think people on here knew up until then, but it's important I relate personal experience). So if you're close enough with her, SAY SOMETHING! A lot of people I knew certainly had SOME idea of what was going on, but they didn't know what to say. Even if it doesn't seem 'serious' to you, it is a lot more serious than you or even her would like to think. If you're a supportive friend, you may also agree to accompany her to a dr's or counsellor's appointment where she can talk about this.
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Feb 02, 05
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force some food down her face
nah.. i dunno, just basically remind her to eat at all times, bring her food and share it with her on ur way to school or whatever talk to her about it, confront her.. once she admits she has a problem then shes on her way
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Feb 02, 05
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So while complimenting her on her physical appearance won't hurt, that might not be the basis for her anorexia at all. Ask her what's really up, and then surprise hug from behind :)
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Feb 02, 05
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i personally reacted horribly when people asked\said to me that i had eatting problems. it made me want to eat less just to be all "you wanna see an eating disorder? ill show you an eating disorder!" i still get snappy\annoyed now if people tell me to eat - hi, i put all my weight back on i reaalllllllllly dont need that doughnut thanks. but im extremely stubborn, and i really didnt have an eating disorder. i was just sick.
i would still be a little cautious about telling her you think she has a problem. and i'd offer solutions rather then pointing fingers. i stand by talking about seeing a dietrition. you can make appointments with them at the hospital, and its free. but really nobody on fnk is a psychologist or a qualified doctor. if you really want to know ways to help her why not talk to a councillor yourself? they can give you loads of advice on how to help, and they can give you the tools you can use to help the problem. its never easy to apporach someone you care about, so why not leanr some ways that may work?
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Feb 02, 05
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I've had 2 very close people in my life suffer from eating disorders. One of them was extemely open about the fact that she was obsessed with her weight, the other didn't mention anything. This might be a small cry for help to let people into her thoughts on her own body image / weight issues. Myra is completely right, don't go on with out saying something or trying to help - it will only make things worse to ignore the problem. I've read an online journal recently written by this girl with an eating disorder - she's written for 3 years+ and EVERY entry is about how she feels ugly and fat when in reality she's a super tiny girl. She also writes how she hides everything from her family and friends, how depressed she is, and all about her problems with anorexia, bulimia, diet pills, laxitives, over excersising (4+ hours per day) and the internal struggle she deals with every moment. Your friend may not have an eating disorder but what she's feeling right now about herself cannot be good for her over all well being and could potentially turn into something more seriously. I agree, she should see a doctor or counsellor about this.
Last edited by *Geminiz*; Feb 02, 05 at 07:55 PM.
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Feb 02, 05
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are you sure shes not puking/starving herself?!?!?
has she always been this tiny? my friend heather in highschool was a very petite girl to start off with...and she would eat with us at lunch and tell us she was on a diet... then she would say she was gonna wash her hands...and she would barf... we caught her...with her feet facing the wrong way and she came up with another lie to cover it up... she finally admitted it to us, after she ended up in hospital because she stopped breathing when she was in the bathtub and almost drown then another friend i had cut out ALL fat in her diet...also an eating disorder make sure that you know shes not suffering frmo something
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Feb 02, 05
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have you tried sitting down with her and having a long talk between the 2 of you?......this might help her realize what she's doing to herself and her friends around her.........if that doesn't work try going and talking to a doctor about how you can maybe help her.......but just remember to always be there for her no matter what
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Feb 03, 05
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^^^ doesnt help usually to just sit down and talk...usually helps if you can somehow catch them in the act or lie (very difficult though)
its like an addiction to drugs...unfortunately they have to hit rockbottom i knew that happened to my friend when we were at a sleepover bday thing and i was changing in the bathroom and she knocked on the door, she came in and told me she trusted me and valued my opinion, so she lifted up her shirt a little and asked me if i thought she looks disgusting she was complete skin and bones i said yes. she bawled...and finally realized she was slowly killing herself im so glad i didnt lie in the bathroom that day
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Feb 03, 05
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I know shes not doign any of that stuff cuz Im the only one she tells everything to cuz she knows I wont judge her I just want to help her. And she has always been tiny but shes gettin to the point where shes supposed to grow and she wont let herself, like she tells me she wants to have my figure.. well i have about 25 pounds on her and she still wont let herself gain an ounce. and she got her period once last month and she feraked out cuz now she thinks shes going to have to fight harder to keep the weight off. she told me lastnite she only wants to lose another 5-10 pounds and shell leave it alone but she doesnt have that much weight to spare....
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Feb 03, 05
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^^^ once she loses 10 pounds, shes gonna wanna lose another 10 pounds.
it gets scary when someones in that mindset. find out why shes doing this...is it because people bug her about the way she looks? is there something else she doesnt like about her looks? is it influence from home? school? other friends? suggest that she go and see a school counsellor, or one outside of school, offer to go with her if she needs support, if you feel she doesnt want you there, at least offer to go with her and sit in the waiting room. suggest to her to go see a dietician, someone who can help her manage what she eats so she stays at the same weight, so she doesnt have to try harder to lose what she thinks she's gonna gain its inevitable that we're gonna gain some weight during puberty. its normal, and usually it looks good on younger girls, cause it fills them out in all the right spots.
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Feb 03, 05
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If you truly believe it is a problem. If her mother and friends think so too, then the best way to do it is through an intervention with everyone there to tell her. Don't forget to tell her that you all love her and that you are just worried about her health (Both physical and mental). Tell her that you want to get her some help. Offer to get her counselling if she wants it but tell her that all of you will be there to help and support her though it.
P.S: if you need some info on counselling I can help you. It's what I used to do. Good luck!
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Feb 05, 05
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Feb 07, 05
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hmmm...alot of it is timing. Just remember when you're talking to her, use calm, even tones. If she gets upset just maintain a soft tone of voice. Most people react poorly when someone mentions they may have a problem with something. Ask her if anything is bothering her. Usually eating disorders are a symptom of a bigger problem. Don't play down what she says to you. Take it all in, show that you are listening by asking her questions about it. (Not confrontational questions though) If you go about it in the right way, she will no doubt open up to you. Maybe take her for a walk so that you guys can talk alone...Someplace without alot of people around...the beach maybe or Stanley park. Just remember that if she tells you her problems then take them seriously and don't dismiss them even if they sound trivial to you, they are no doubt important to her...
Good luck!
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Feb 08, 05
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yeah I know everything she says obviously means something to her, so it does mean something to me but I duno what to think or do about the things she tells me... I'm really worried that one day shes going to do something that will hurt her in someway
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