Young girls who have babies then sue for child support

[SquiLa]

So a 21 year-old male friend of mine just told me he received notice (from his boss) that his wages are to be garnished (by the government) for child support payments to an estranged ex-girlfriend who had his baby without his
agreement and knowing that he full well didn't want anything to do with it.

- I know this is long but this is the whole story -

First off I feel that "family law" and the system regarding child
support in Canada is flawed and very unfair to men. It favours women
almost irregardless of the circumstances and story of either individual
involved. In my friend's case he had no choice and is seemingly being
taken advantage of by this girl, both back then and now. More on this
below.

We live in a society where a girl can choose to either have an abortion
or have the baby, and the man has NO sure way to choose at all (other
than to never slip up and have sex without birth control). Today a
woman has this power, and so also a responsibility to ultimately make a
decision; ideally, a responsible decision about their own future, the
future of the father, families involved and the unborn babies' life in
this world. Sure the man can give his input, but really when it comes
down to it the decision is the woman's. A man cannot force a woman to
have an abortion, nor have the baby. Yet if the woman goes ahead and
has the baby without the agreement of the father, then 2 years later the
father finds out he now has money deducted from his pay check (10% of
his hard earned cash always and in this case currently $260 a month)
until the child is 19 years old!!

So why if a guy ultimately has no choice at all (other than protected
sex - same as a woman!) and the woman makes the choice on her own to have the baby should he be forced to pay child support?? She had options, my friend did not.

The specific story: They met in high school and had been seeing each
other for 3 years off and on. The girl would break up the guy to see
other guys then come back when things didn't work out. Eventually my
friend got fed up and decided she was not the type of person he wanted
to know. At this time he was 18 and she was 17. He started to break it
off with her but they still hung out occasionally because as we all know
it is hard to let go of things sometimes. At this time the girl deliberately stopped taking 'the pill' she'd been taking and subsequently got pregnant. They talked about the pregnancy and it was agreed that she would have an abortion. A couple of weeks went by and the girl changed her mind. Allegedly she then wanted to have the baby, as my friend says, in an attempt to try and keep him. He wanted nothing to do with her anymore once he found out that was the kind of person she was (that she would bring a life into this world to try and manipulate someone). Needless to say it didn't work and without the choice or agreement of the guy the baby was born to an 18 year-old mother 2 years ago and now the estranged father is obligated to pay until the child is 19! There was no marriage or common-law relationship to speak of, just a regular high school romance gone wrong.

Now there are lots of things that you guys can say, I know, like: The law is there to protect women or he shoulda used a condom or it isn't THAT much money, etc. But I'd just like to say that the law should only protect women that had a real-life long-term relationship where the couple agreed to have the baby (at one point) and the man copped out for real after the fact. I'm sure we've all slipped up and not used a condom at one point too if not congrats. And the money, well it's a percentage of earnings so even if it's $260 a month now what if you make more as you get older. Also, my parents didn't give me jack since I was 14, but this child will get a good amount per month until 19!! Nice. And it goes to the mother anyway, not the child, and who is to say that this trashy girl will spend it ALL on the child, doubtful.

Finally and unfortunately, it seems that my friend will not be able to see his daughter either since the mother has a new boyfriend that fills in the daddy role, and it would probably just screw with the kid more if he saw her. They live far away from him and he doesn't want anything to do with this woman anyway as the relationship and feelings are bitter. Sucks eh?

Men beware: some women are evil and will have a baby for the wrong
reason and you could be forced to pay for it through garnished wages for
many years.

[TheCooker]

hmmmmm deja vu

[Kandyapple]

Buddy should have punched her in the stomach........... I'm soooo joking.

But seriously that sucks. It really can be hard these days if you have an agreement that the girl is on birth control, and then she just decides to stop taking it to hold onto a relationship. I mean how does the guy know? I mean yes you should use a condom but even then they break, they slip. And it is really unfortunate in these situations that he is being forced to support a child.
On the other hand it is really sad for the child. And it should not suffer in poverty just because the mother made a selfish decision. And I just hope that the money that is being garnished is actualy going towards feeding and clothing the child.
Moral of the story. Don't sleep with crazy people.

[Willis]

I have a friend that payed all his child support on time and has no problem doing this but he has been paying in cash and not getting a recipt so there is no proof that he has been paying and now his ex is sueing him for all the child support from the past year even tho he payed it he has no proof so he may have to pay all the back child support which is bull shit man do I hate are system but it could be worse.

[SquiLa]

It seriously couldn't have happened to a nicer guy too. :266:

[Mr.Dave]

Originally Posted by Kandyapple

Moral of the story. Don't sleep with crazy people.

You mean turn gay?

[miss.myra]

Still, no matter what, it boils down to when you make bad decisions/have poor judgement, you will have to pay for it in some way at a later time.

The only person that knows why this person had the child is the mother. I also disagree that the law should be there only to protect circumstances wherein the mother has had a long term relationship with the father prior to the child being born, because this would alienate those who do not believe in/consider abortion as an option for an unplanned pregnancy. The law has to be fair to both belief systems, imo.

[SquiLa]

Originally Posted by miss.myra

Still, no matter what, it boils down to when you make bad decisions/have poor judgement, you will have to pay for it in some way at a later time.

The only person that knows why this person had the child is the mother. I also disagree that the law should be there only to protect circumstances wherein the mother has had a long term relationship with the father prior to the child being born, because this would alienate those who do not believe in/consider abortion as an option for an unplanned pregnancy. The law has to be fair to both belief systems, imo.

Yes I agree with you that the law must be fair to both. But in this case I don't feel a high school off and on relationship can be called a serious long term relationship (even if it's consequence will last a long time) since both lived with their parents (not commonlaw) and the girl was a child herself when the baby was born. A young man made a mistake, it would be like a young offender committing a crime in a sense. I just don't see how the payment is fair.

[ja_raul]

Originally Posted by SquiLa

It seriously couldn't have happened to a nicer guy too. :266:

im sure he's nice.. but it was his choice in the first place to not use protection when he should've. it does take 2 to tango. yes shit happens, but all of this could have been avoided

[Sarah...]

Originally Posted by SquiLa

Men beware: some women are evil and will have a baby for the wrong
reason and you could be forced to pay for it through garnished wages for
many years.

also deja vous......

my friends ex girlfriend is doing the exact same thing to him....i know her and the whole situation is wack... she was a needy jelous girlfriend and her having the child is so selfish to my friend and to the child..she is doing this to trap him. i feel bad for the child because shes an ugly person and i truely dont beleive she would be a good mother.....its jus horrible
i cant beleive some people

[Sarah...]

Originally Posted by ja_raul

im sure he's nice.. but it was his choice in the first place to not use protection when he should've. it does take 2 to tango. yes shit happens, but all of this could have been avoided

yes it really does take two.....period...
its jus horrible when the one person bring a child in the world for all the wrong reasons especially when they are not against abortion either....

[BAL1STOPHER]

Originally Posted by Mr.Dave

You mean turn gay?

i wish i could give you karma for this so bad........consider this a karma I.O.U

[Willis]

Simple Solution STOP HAVING SEX intill married

[Kandyapple]

Originally Posted by Mr.Dave

You mean turn gay?

If you can only attract crazy people. Then sure. :p

[diva]

Did your friend hump this chick?
If so, then he should expect to have to deal with the fallout.
It's plane and simple, really.

He had a part in making the baby, so he should have a part in taking care of it.
You can't just fuck a girl an depect to get off scott free if you don't want to have to deal with anything that happens afterwards.

[robyn]

Originally Posted by SquiLa

the man has NO sure way to choose at all (other
than to never slip up and have sex without birth control).

Um, he could have choosen NOT to fuck her. Everyone knows the risks involved with sex.

[Goat]

If you bring a life into this world, and can't prove it's someone elses, wouldn't you rather play a more influential role in his/her life then being the dead-beat-cheap-skate-who-ran-off-Mom-is-really-bitter-about?
It's a shitty deal for your buddy, but maybe he should of kept his pecker in his pants.
A mistake was made when he slept with her. And a life was created as a result, man up to your actions.

[FireWire]

I agree with Goat.

However, you should keep in mind that not all people think the way most normal people think... some people might have disorders and shit. Some people might've brought that new "life" into the world while being under the influence of drugs and they didn't realize what they were doing.

[Mr.Dave]

Originally Posted by Kandyapple

If you can only attract crazy people. Then sure. :p

Used to be the case until I figured a few things out. Now I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded with arguably some of the coolest females on the planet, girlfriend and friends alike.

I just couldn't resist!

[SquiLa]

Hearing about this just made me so sad. Sure he chose to fuck this girl. But when he did he gave up his entire right to choose how this would impact his life whatsoever. In this unlucky situation the worst happened. An unplanned baby was born to a young unprepared mother. My friend is very concerned about how this baby girl will be raised. Feels completely disheartened at this time that anything will be able to be done about it. And also concerned at the same time about the impact to the child of coming into her life if able and trying to help raise her through joint custody with the mother. Which apparently would be a task in dealing with her.

I just feel that this is all very unfair. My friend does not even have a say in in adoption either. (Which he wishes she would have considered/consider as well.) He has no choice at all that the baby be adopted by a greatful, ready and loving couple into a home where it can be raised properly and have the promise more secure future.

This did happen after things had started to break down in the relationship. Perhaps even now the girl knows she made a mistake but it's too late. They haven't talked to each other in over a year.

[SquiLa]

Originally Posted by ssarahh

also deja vous......

my friends ex girlfriend is doing the exact same thing to him....i know her and the whole situation is wack... she was a needy jelous girlfriend and her having the child is so selfish to my friend and to the child..she is doing this to trap him. i feel bad for the child because shes an ugly person and i truely dont beleive she would be a good mother.....its jus horrible
i cant beleive some people

neither can i. so disheartening.

[diva]

Originally Posted by SquiLa

Hearing about this just made me so sad. Sure he chose to fuck this girl. But when he did he gave up his entire right to choose how this would impact his life whatsoever.

he gave up that right when he banged the girl.
he gave up that right when he didn't have the self control to keep his dick in his pants.

in this unlucky situation the worst happened. An unplanned baby was born to a young unprepared mother. My friend is very concerned about how this baby girl will be raised. Feels completely disheartened at this time that anything will be able to be done about it. And also concerned at the same time about the impact to the child of coming into her life if able and trying to help raise her through joint custody with the mother. Which apparently would be a task in dealing with her.

well, which is it? does your friend not give a fuck about the baby, or does he? if he does, then he'll be a man and take care of what's his. he can be concerned about how the baby will be raised, but it's coming into this world regardless of what he wants, so he should act like a grown up (because he did a very grown up thing by humping the girl in the first place), and help support the girl through her pregnancy and her uphill battle of learning how to become a mother at a very young age.

I just feel that this is all very unfair. My friend does not even have a say in in adoption either. (Which he wishes she would have considered/consider as well.) He has no choice at all that the baby be adopted by a greatful, ready and loving couple into a home where it can be raised properly and have the promise more secure future.

of course your friend shouldn't have a say in whether or not the girl gets her baby taken away from her. what is this, the '60s? where unwed mothers were forced to spend their confinements in convents only to have their children taken away from them and place for adoption without their permission?

if he wants a part in the child's life, that's one thing. but if he doesn't, he should pay the child support and shut up.
it's like drinking and driving, then causing a really bad accident. he fucked up and was irresponsible; now he's got to pay the price.

This did happen after things had started to break down in the relationship. Perhaps even now the girl knows she made a mistake but it's too late. They haven't talked to each other in over a year.

Perhaps. You're just speculating. If the girl knows she made a mistake, she can still get some family planning counselling and find out what her adoption options are. But again, you're speculating. This should be between your friend and his babymomma. If you're friend wants no part in this, he should just walk away, but not without being equally financially responsible for the child he helped conceive.

[diva]

Originally Posted by FireWire

Some people might've brought that new "life" into the world while being under the influence of drugs and they didn't realize what they were doing.

Last time I heard, drivers who kill someone while under the influence still have to face the very grave consequences of their actions.

I'm not saying that mistakes don't happen, but when you make one, you have to own up to them. It's as simple as that.

[Hot Karl]

if you're in a relationship, and your girl is on the pill, why exactly would you suddenly ask to use a condom? wouldn't that almost be border-line offensive? and now it's suddenly his fault because this dumb slut got preggos on purpose?
so, if this guy and this girl were fuckin, and he decided to whip off his rubber quickly so he could bust his nut in this girl's womb, that's cool? and then she'd have to accept the responsibility of raising this unwanted child because she was all grown up to have sex?

i'm fine with it, if it goes both ways. and if so, i'll be trying to get me a nice rich girl so i can knock her up without telling her so she can raise my child and pay for my car.

[tvmann]

Originally Posted by SquiLa

Men beware: some women are evil and will have a baby for the wrong
reason and you could be forced to pay for it through garnished wages for
many years.

I dunno if those types are evil but some are immature and not thinking too well and have come from bad homes where they haven't learned much. But yes, BEWARE.

My buddy had a GF like that and he got scared and split up with her cuz it looked like she wanted to get pregnant and they only knew each other about 2 months. She seemed to want have a cute baby like her welfare mom friends, bad sign.

Sure enough she soon hooked up with some bozo and got pregnant within 2 or 3 months. Guy soon took off after realizing that he was gonna be a daddy.

So she had the kid, then after a year or so hooks up with another guy who needs a place to stay. And she gets pregant AGAIN and the guy takes off. Now she has 2 kids by different daddies and we're paying for it by welfare. She's continually trying to get money from the daddies but they're flakes too. She's under a lot of stress raising 2 kids and being poor and is close to cracking up, but it's a situation she created for her own reasons.

Interesting thing is that this chick's mother did exactly the same thing, hooked up with 2 or 3 bozos, had a baby with each one, and lived on welfare many years. So this is an exact repetition of a bad family situation over 2 generations.