my grandpa..

[Edoe]

i'm not having the greatest time lately. my grandpa is on his last legs rightnow and my mom went to visit him in the hospital because the doctor said he should only last another day max in his condition. rightnow he can't eat or drink anything and he's in constant pain. the guy is like 6'7 and use to be a police officer in his youngin days, served in the army, etc.

so my mom calls me the other day from the hospital and told me that his heart keeps stopping and he dies..but then his pace maker kicks in and revives him... apparently the doctor said its gonna take him a LONG time to die and i feel like total shit thinking about it. actually more than shit because the guys had 3 strokes in his life and deserves to go in peace instead of all this fuckin agony..that kinda stuff really shouldn't happen. i can't stand it when my grandma phones me in tears either.

i feel really bad to because i feel like i should go and see him
but since he had his last stroke he got 1/2 paralized and i hate to see him like that. i just wanna remember the good times when he use to be an energetic old man who use to tell me crazy stories and bug my grandma just to see make me laugh.

basically i think this is the worst thing ever because its his time to go, but he can't..

[mojo]

go see him. you will regret it if you don't.

do it man. don't think about yourself, think about him.

[Edoe]

i think i'm gonna bus out
cuz i have work and school every day till then, thursday i only got school
but then he'll probably be sleeping
whatever i'll still try go

[sungoo]

you should go see him, even if he can't see you or hear you, and I won't lie, seeing him like that will probably mess you up for a while, but I can guarantee you that, if you don't. You will regret not seeing him for the "last" time after he passes away.

[fable]

WOW, your story(and subsequent pain) sounds so much like my own story of my grandpa, passing several years ago. It was around xmas time, and he too had a stroke. It was singularely one of the most painful experiences of my life, and sometime it still haunts me. But such is the agony, and paradox of life and death. After he passed, my family (being the indian/fijians that they are) Congragated in my grandpas room, long after he passed. They sat around him, and grieved. I stood there, tears and anger, and guilt, because i wanted to just run out of that room, But its human man, Its human to not want to see your grandpa like he is. Its human to feel bad because of it. Although they say parents express unconditional love, i believe that grandparents do it more honestly and consistanty. They are the source of wisdom, laughs, and the annual bday present of a few dollars alongside the request not to spend it all in one place! HAHA!

At the end of the day homie, it only hurts so bad, because you love him so much. And not even death can take that away. Sometimes at the brink of death, we discover the most beautiful humanity. Go on see him, for his sake, so he can see the amazing man, his grandson has become, and so you can pay respects to the man, his life, and his stuggles, and his love, in the face of death. And when you leave, embrace the pain, feel it for all its worth, -its my own belief that this feeling is one of the true fortifiers of love,. You will tell your kids about your grandpa, and the adventures you shared, and your grandpa lives forever, eternely.

Much love+respect homie. i'll drop a prayer to mother earth, for your grandpa, you and your family.

pc + eez

[krisamata]

don't see him if you don't feel comfortable.


im sure your grandpa would want you to only go if you felt completely comfortable.


i saw my grandpa all the time cause he was fine before he passed away, but then i saw him when he was dead, it didn't mess me up, it was weird, but very peaceful, maybe see him then and tell me everything you wanted to, tell him goodbye.



i feel the same way though, my grandma is passing away right now, and she has alzheimers, and i hardly every see her, because i don;t feel as if she is my grandmother anymore. i should see her, but i dunno....

[Edoe]

krista, my grandpa use to be easily 230ish bls
now i'd say hes about 140.

yeah my grandpa really changed after his last stroke, he is 1/2 paralized and his brain doesn't work to well anymore so i know where your coming from. last time i saw him with my sister (who's like 12 yrs older than me, fucked eh?) he was calling her my mom..reallly caught me off guard the first time haha :)

fable, thanks man. thats some good advice..i almost don't know what to say. i'm sorry about your grandpa, glad that your ok now thought. the thing that bugs me the most about the situation is it just isn't fair. he's 1/2 paralized and thats tough when your that tall, he had to get acustom wheel chair made and all that..i guess its not that bad of a deal. but he actually can't pass away rightnow when nature's kinda trying to do its thing..

[fable]

Personally i think basing a decision on if youll be comfortable or not is a negetive path. His grandpa is dying, there is no comfort to be found. Its supposed to hurt, and be strange and awkward, and togetherness inspite of this, elevates the relationship, in and out of this world. And only in the future, when the pain dies down to bitter sweet nostalgia, will any source of peace/comfort be found.

Nonetheless, ive gone through my pains, and i no longer have any granparents left. Im sorry to hear about you grandma as well - And really, the only thing YOU can do, is listen to your heart. If this is an honest process, then you cant really do any wrong. Take my advice, as just me sharing my accounts with you, not any sort of preaching. Go easy on yourself, yours are tough times, but recall golden moments.

pc + eez(eventaully)
:)

[mugsy]

when my grandpa was dying of cancer and on his last leg, i saw him in the hospital, and its the strongest memory i have of him, andi dont like that. when my grandma was in the hospital dying of cancer and on her last leg, i didnt see her in the hospital - i couldnt. from my own personal experience i just couldnt, and i dont regret it. and i know that my grandma would never hold it against me and i hold no regret about it.
however, when my dad was in the i.c.u. i didnt visit him as much as i should have - he doesnt remember anything, but i do. i only saw him twice a day (there are restrictions on how much time you can be with someone and its 15 minutes every hour, so i'd stay for 2 and abit hours) and that hurts. on the flip side, i have nightmares about the night we had to bring him into the hopistal and being told to say goodbye.

this is a very very personal decision, and no one should influence you but yourself. only you will know how you will react. what is best for some, is not best for others.

[Edoe]

man my day is starting out so much better
my mom bused from van to poco (cuz she's been gone last 4 days) to cook a giant pile of food for me and my dad because were hopeless haha.
she said when she's done she's heading back to van.
greatest lady ever

she cooked me a stake for breakfast and its soooo good

this is a personal decision and i kinda already have my mind made up about the subject but i appreciate peoples input and like hearin other people stories because everyone deals with loss in their own way

[Technix]

A similar scenario happened when my grandpa was in the hospital. However, I went to see him. I always remembered how funny and witty he was, and seeing him on a respirator was hard. He died that afternoon with the family by the bedside.

It's tough, but I wanted to be there for him. Be there for gramps. That's just my opinion. :)

[charly]

my grandpa ended up going the same way. his third or fourth stroke paralyzed him, and he could no longer speak or anything like that.

anyways, growing up i only had one set of grandparents (family issues) and i absolutely adored my grandpa. he died quite some time ago, but even now i still hold a slight resentment in not being allowed to see him. he was in the hospital for about a year before he finally died. in that entire time, no one let me see him.

we were always close. my grandparents only lived in vancouver, and we visited quite often. thinking about all this now still hurts, even though it's been years. i still want to cry when i see things that remind me of him.

either way, whatever choice you make.. whehter to visit or not, just make sure it's your own. i wanted to see him so badly, and i had the decision made for me, and that's what hurts the most. whatever you make, i'm sure he'll understand. just don't let anyone make it for you.