october
spread my legs and closed my heart,You hushed my crying with kisses.Skin crawling when we`d lay in bed,heart and mind racing while Im pacing schemes in my thoughts.Maybe it was the spark of life in my womb that kept me from sleep that night,wondering if things would be different if I had just spent the night.Lay in bed beside you eyes wide open,listening to the water trickle down your God forsaken table top Zen waterfall.I remember the car ride home,the occasional melo dramatic yawn would break the deafening silence for only a few seconds.Every day I play out that night in my head.Wondering if I had stayed,things would have turned out different.Instead it woulda been me laying up in your bed,swollen belly,heart and soul well fed.But instead you chose to starve me of what I deserved,and then i realized it shoulda never been you.I still wish it wasnt.Unfortunate that it is,having to look at your face day in and day out reminding me of the heart ache and lonely nights.And I rise to the occasion again and again,victimize me when you kiss her.And this is how the rest of my life will play out,constantly reminded of how it should have been but will never be.How I grew a part of you in me,and how you refused to see the beauty.
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