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  #1 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
ebbomega's Avatar
1up motherfucker
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
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OH NOES! CHICKEN OR EGG!

Only put the video ID in between the BB code tags, NOT the full URL!
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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Join Date: Jul 2007
RochesterSS is infamous around these parts
I'm not gonna read all that
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  #4 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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sNyx is just really nicesNyx is just really nicesNyx is just really nicesNyx is just really nicesNyx is just really nicesNyx is just really nicesNyx is just really nice
Quote:
Originally Posted by RochesterSS View Post
I'm not gonna read all that
you don't have to. you can watch half of it. lazy.
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  #5 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
TooDrunk to SpeakJapanese
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Drazkers will become famous soon enoughDrazkers will become famous soon enough
Its kinda sad when one page of writing is too much to read for people.
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  #6 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
kick, push, coast
 
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penguinabc123 is on a distinguished road
read it, its funny.
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  #7 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
sup?
 
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tiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to all
I've been known to hold my own in a religious debate but that honestly puts anything I've ever done to shame.
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  #8 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light
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Originally Posted by Drazkers View Post
Its kinda sad when one page of writing is too much to read for people.
give him a bump of speed then n quit bitchin, readings fucking tough r u a stupid
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  #9 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
sup?
 
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I really wish they had posted the reply if there was one.
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  #10 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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matéo is a jewel in the roughmatéo is a jewel in the roughmatéo is a jewel in the roughmatéo is a jewel in the rough
I love Dr Laura.
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  #11 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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Join Date: Oct 2004
-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light-evil-duerr- is a glorious beacon of light
yeah she's a hotty
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by project.one View Post
Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:


Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law...
hahaha!
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
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ceiling cat!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drazkers View Post
Its kinda sad when one page of writing is too much to read for people.
Esp when you just would've had to read 3 or 4 entries to get the point..
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
sup?
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
tiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to alltiedye is a name known to all
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grapes View Post
Esp when you just would've had to read 3 or 4 entries to get the point..
Or you know... watch a video.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old Jan 03, 08
NO ORGIES FOR YOU!
 
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crackdragon will become famous soon enough
lol nice
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old Jan 04, 08
TooDrunk to SpeakJapanese
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Drazkers will become famous soon enoughDrazkers will become famous soon enough
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grapes View Post
Esp when you just would've had to read 3 or 4 entries to get the point..
If the funny part isn't in the second sentence its too much for some people to handle it seems, imagine being an english teacher and dealing with this


Quote:
Originally Posted by -evil-duerr- View Post
give him a bump of speed then n quit bitchin, readings fucking tough r u a stupid
Isn't this the guy that everyone though his pic screamed surrey? You could be onto something
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