A must read guide for women using online dating services in Vancouver

[impure]

taken from the rants and raves section of craigslist.
A must read guide for women using online dating in Vancouver

A must read guide for women using online dating in Vancouver (Vancouver)



A must read guide for women using online dating in Vancouver Here it is ladies, a few tips that we men would like to pass along:

1. Don’t post pictures of yourself with your previous boyfriends groping you.

Its a turn off and its common sense. We don’t want to know who you slept with last week. Figure it out.

2. Listing your body type as "average" means you are "average".

It does not mean you are obese but want to be average. You're not fooling us, especially when you post pictures of yourself with your previous boyfriends. We can see that you're "a few extra pounds" and that you're lying about it. Please disclose this properly.

3. Kickboxing & UFC are for men.

If you are a women and trying to pick up a man, listing kickboxing and/or UFC as one of your interests isn’t going to work. Its not a turn on even though everyone and their dog claims to be a kick boxer or a UFC fighter these days. Take up cooking instead.

4. Don’t own 7 dogs.

Speaking of dogs, owning them is not helping your case. We men do not want to walk your dogs on a first date. Picking up $hit in a zip lock bag is not a good idea for a first date. And by the way, you smell like your dogs too. Bad idea all around.

5. We don’t want to see pictures of your lower back tattoo.

Its unoriginal and its already starting to droop. Every bar star has one. If we wanted a woman with tattoos all over her we'd speed date during visiting hours at the local women’s correctional facility. If you have one, don’t put it on your profile.

6. We don’t want to make you laugh!

Didn’t you notice that the last 7000 profiles are all asking for a man who can make her laugh? Who do you think we are, comedians? You don’t see us listing things like vacuuming and being obedient do you? No! That’s because we're realistic not idealistic. We're not looking at your profile as a potential person to review our jokes. We want to have sex with you. That doesn’t involve reviewing comedic material.

7. Getting multiple messages does not make you attractive.

Listen ladies, we need to fill you in on how this whole thing works. We open maybe 50 profiles a night. We don’t read them. We barely look at your picture. What we see is a female and way to attempt to contact her. Thus, when we look at 50 profiles we send 50 messages. Just because you're getting a bunch of messages, don’t think you've turned into an 8 from a 5. You're still a 5. We're just horny.

8. If you don’t have a full set of teeth, please disclose this on your profile!

We don’t want to discover this AFTER initiating contact with you. Jaws was a good movie, but none of us want to live it. Visit the dentist before you date online!

9. Look, if you're searching for Mr. Perfect why the *#&$ are you on a free dating website?

We're not perfect. Try your local church if you're looking for Mr. goodie two shoes. We only messaged you because you were one of the 50 profiles we quickly scanned over while sitting on the can using our wireless Internet.

10. Admit to yourself why you are online.

We don’t want to read all the excuses about why you are trying online dating. It’s ok to be a loser. Cut the crap and come to terms with yourself. You're not a 10. You're a 6 and you need the Internet to help you get a date. We never said we were any better.

[gnosis]

^....people actually _use_ online dating services?!

Frosty
(bewildered)

[decypher]

What guy doesn't want to make a girl laugh, isn't that the part of having fun together? these generalized things are always so stupid. Fail post

[Gusto]

haha ya man, i noticed that one too. i always get annoyed when a dude thinks he speaks for every guy with stupid stuff like this. like really, put your name on it and be a douche on your own instead of involving the rest of us.

[dj_soo]

2/10

writing was terrible and the attempted humour was atrocious.

I guess people need to turn to craiglist for publication since all the shitty writers are realizing that no one is bothering to actually read their blogs?

[Akeel]

if being funny got you laid as much as being dj'ing did we'd have a lot more comedians running around.