How can i help someone who doesnt want to help themselves

[specialblend]

A good friend of mine has lately been really depressed. Her parents nag on her contstantly for eating to much(but guess this she weighs 140 and is absolutly gorgeuos)skater-like and wearing rainbow clothes, they hate her friends, and now her self esteem is about a zero...she says she hates herself and wants to die..if i try to talk to her she shuts me out, and all she can say is she doesnt know how to help herself..im so worried about her that its making me lose my appitite..i dont know what i can do to help...its really scary, should i talk to her parents or tell someone else? please help me figure out a game plan

[mikey]

Tough love.....

[Jrin]

Have her come and post here with us. Tell her we love her and don't want her to die.

[specialblend]

maybe i can get her to try these forums, but she might also get mad..i know she would like it, its addicting

[Bitchin]

tell her to find a way to express how she fells whether its writing painting.. whatever..

I'm pretty sure you could find out whats wrong through her doing that.. and help her

[poohbearhoney]

i think you should talk to her parents but don't let her know you are....then kidnap her and show her a good time...take her where everyone loves her

[cinist]

:blunt:

[stabmyhead]

Yah for teenage angst! Who's parents don't nag on them for random shit, you must realize that your parents are probably the only ones that will be blatently honest with you while your friends can tend to sugar coat things... if you're a certain, your friends might not want to hurt your feelings and tell you.

Her parents probably worry that the way she dresses and whatnot could be associated with something 'bad'. Stereotyping. I would suggest you get her to talk to her parents about how much it bothers her, with knowledge comes understanding. Most kids are afraid to talk to their parents or avoid it at all costs. That's stupid. You are going to have to deal with them no matter what because they're family after all, so you might as well sucker up your teenage ego and patch things up. Give a little to get a little.

[Jrin]

Originally posted by cinist83
:blunt:

That's exactly right :smoke1:

[Candy-Kid]

get a counceller or somethign like that
or see a shrink... not sure man this is a hard subject and would probably have to know the sit.

[yourlilbaby]

if shes shutting you out it doesnt mean she sint hearing that u love her,... sometimes she jsut can deal with it directly.... i come from a depressive family and have had orcky roads with many friends who suffer from depression..... u just gotta show them u are there,... u have to keep up the compliments etc, winter time is the worst for depressants as many of them get worse with little sun exposure and the short daylight hours,.... if u have anyhting to ask me directly let me know

[Liqwid]

Originally posted by stabmyhead
Her parents probably worry that the way she dresses and whatnot could be associated with something 'bad'. Stereotyping. I would suggest you get her to talk to her parents about how much it bothers her, with knowledge comes understanding. Most kids are afraid to talk to their parents or avoid it at all costs. That's stupid. You are going to have to deal with them no matter what because they're family after all, so you might as well sucker up your teenage ego and patch things up. Give a little to get a little.

you're totaly right.......

but most people have to realize that on their own.....

most don't untill they're in their 20's......

hell, some don't ever realize that....

~Dalyn

[yoko*]

I'm sure that what her parents are bugging her about contribute to her feelings of worthlessness, but the extent to which what her parents think of her affects her (the point of wanting to "die") is "noteworthy"..

depressed people tend to be more sensitive to minor criticism that wouldn't, otherwise affect them to that extent if they weren't depressed. Her parents may not be the root of her depression, but may be one of the more obvious factors that feed it.

There are many possibilities as to the things you could do for her, but I think that (as some one suggested above) the best thing would be for you to let a school counsellor in on what's going on. As much as you may want to help, it isn't up to you to play psychiatrist and try to resolve her problems. Often times one's problems aren't as simple as eliminating the source. Also, depressed people have a tendency to push other's help away so as not to be a "Burden" to some one else, so your attempts to "help" may always end in failure.. causing you more stress.

Depressive attitudes can rub off on other people, as pessimism can rub off on the sensitive optimistic.. From the fact that you yourself have lost your appetite due to your concern for your friend, it sounds as though you are a very empathetic person. That in itself can leave you vulnerable to adopting pessimistic attitudes as well as getting drowned out in her misery.. imho, the best thing for the both of you is to pass it up to a counsellor, etc..

hope things go well.

[sungoo]

I don't think you could do anything directly to help her.
If she is shutting you out already, I can't see her opening up any time soon. If she won't listen to what you're going to say, you should just try to be a positive influence in her life. The best thing you can do right now, is be there for her.

[Liqwid]

^^^............this is true!!!!

be there for her!!!

~*HUGGleS*~
Dalyn

[matéo]

tell her to start posting on here im sure it owuld help her especially when she finds out a bunch of strangers know what is making her depressed.

not a good idea.