the idea of crush

[Jingles]

my elementary school crush was at the gym - amazing how he looks the same - he's not my type anymore.......God i was crazy about him
funny how during different stages of life how different our tastes can be. When i was in kindergarten and grade one I really liked this boy Tommy, a Phillepeno boy - grade 2 I liked Russell, who was missing his two front teethfor what seemed like forever, and grade three it was Adam with the Corey Hart spiked hair,who i bumped into at the bar last summer , he's still hot but not tall enough now.......grade 4 - Craig who was oh so cute with big chicklet teeth, grade 5-7 Jim (or Jimmy)....we kind of looked alike now that i look back, seeing him today he could be my brother. Come junior high my taste went from the wholesome to the dark and mysterious - my beautiful and huge Luke who at 15 was bigger then some men will ever be at 6 foot 180 pounds, beautiful long black hair - after his passing it was Chris who looked shockingly the same but much smaller- same height but he wasn't nearly as large in stature - then there was Jaymie.....stalky and too possesive and there was the sidelined hockey boys who i loved beacuse they were fresh and pretty - i played with them in between all the boyfriends after Luke died - them and the pyscho Jason.
As a young child you 'like' without the boundaries of physical beauty because there is no sex involved...you want to be with them because they are the most fun, they are cute - you want them as your companions. As you get a into the intermediate elementary grades more of societies standards have begun to impose themselves on us.....we want to be with the one we find the most attractive but we really don't know what we'd do if we 'got' them, maybe we could kiss? Again i think it has more to do with finding a stuitable playmate then a lover, so our crushes are still not limited to a certain 'type'. All of this of course begins to melt away as we experience feelings of lust, a sense that we finally know what we should do with our partners.....it's at this age that my preference in men came forward - i'm interested in a man who is physically larger then me, that gives me a protected feeling -----something i never thought to look for in an elementary school crush , while we were all still rather androgynous
when i became aware that i was a woman - i wanted a man---- and yet what i define as man is different from what other wommen see as a 'man' ------ thank heavens we all have different tastes or it would be a real mess out there, huh?
Jingles