how to be a successful dj

[nicentidy]

Message: How to succeed in the DJ business without really
trying!!!

Call now and order my special 20 step program on
how to succeed in the DJing business without
really trying. What do you get? Two slip mats
with my picture on them, a video teaching my
success plan with special computer generated
graphics of statistics and facts completely made
up by me, a video teaching you the inside secrets
on how to beat match, a DJ lingo dictionary,
specialized DJ business cards, and a sticker of
my face to put on your car .

What do I cover? Here's five quick samples of
what you'll get in my success package:

1) Becoming An Instant DJ

You ask yourself.... "how do I become an instant
DJ?" Well, with my special success plan it's
sooooo simple. Here's a few FREE TIPS!! The
first thing you need to do is save up money, a
lot. If you have no way of earning the money
legally try other means.. hey, anything goes in
this business. After collecting around ten
thousand dollars here's what you do.

First, send me seven thousand. Second, take
around $1500 and invest in the most expensive
turntables you can find. Third, go into a record
store in your local area and buy one of every
record. If you can't spin.. THAT'S NO PROBLEM!!


How's that you ask? Simple, there are tons of
DeeJays out there that don't even understand the
concept of a four channel mixer let alone beat
matching so you'll blend right in. Here's the
secret. Find some shady DeeJays that are really
good and offer them money. Eventually they will
let you join their "possie" and they will book
you in all their events. So, practice isn't even
a factor!!

2) The Secret Handshake

You've been to all the parties and you've seen
the DeeJays hanging out with each other in the
special VIP area. How do they do it? The secret
handshake. You laugh but it's no joke. In this
video I will show you step by step how to lay
down the secret DJ handshake. Everything from he
finger snap to the ass pat.

3) DJ Lingo

I bet you didn't realize that DeeJays have their
own language. It's true! In my video I'll give
you pointers on how to say important DJ phrases
such as:

"Where did you get that record?"

TRANSLATION = "I got the promo for this track
four months ago."

"What time do I go on?"

TRANSLATION = "Where's my money?"

"Send me an email for my play list"

TRANSLATION = "Fuck off."

You can also learn important terms like <dub
plates>, <demos>,and <artist management>. You
can learn all this and many more with my special
DJ Lingo Dictionary. All part of my special
success plan.

4) The DJ Business Card

You're no DJ unless you can prove it with a
business card. If you order now you'll get 1000
ultra glossy business cards with your name, DJ
name, free email address provided by us, fake
cell phone number and pager number. We'll even
add a picture of you standing behind some
turntables for $99.99 extra. You can use these
cards in clubs or at massives when you meet new
people that have no idea who you are. Once you
hand them that super high gloss business card
they'll think you're a made DJ and instantly want
to book you for their next event. Forget demos!!
Forget bio's!! The ultra glossy business card
handles it all, and with no mess!

5) How to Beat Match

In my success package you'll receive a "How To
Beat Match" video hosted by superstar DJ, Don the
Dude. Don the Dude has been performing for
crowds all over the Americas with his latest tour
wrapping up in Bolivia. Haven't heard of him?
He's ranked 602 out of over 10,000 DeeJays on the
DJ List!!

Hey, that's not to shabby. He'll show you all
the latest tricks including "the beat match"
and "the rewind." It doesn't get any better than
this!!

He even takes the time to explain to you the
difference between 35rpm and 45rpm. The
differences will astound you!!

It's all soooooo simple!! How can you not order
now? This is the best DJ success package ever
offered for a great price. If you send your
order now we'll even include a free box of Sharpe
markers to tag all your records!!

ORDER NOW!!!

[bungoshlung]

clever..! :339:
you've convinced me, where do i sign up?

[soma]

Originally posted by nicentidy


&quot;What time do I go on?&quot;

TRANSLATION = &quot;Where's my money?&quot;

lol (falls off chair)