Share a funny joke or anecdote

[Goat]

I'll start.

"How do you know it's time to do the dishes? buh buh, give up? Check if you have a penis. If you do, it's not time yet."
-Horn Of The Lamb

How do you embarass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

Why does the bride wear white? Because the dishwasher should match the stove.

your turn...

[clearist]

keeping with sexism...

why doesnt a woman need an umbrulla??

because it doesnt rain between the bedroom and the kitchen.

[C_squared]

^ that last one is pretty weak cause it makes NO sense, especialy if you live in Vancouver.

A little MJ joke: How do you know it's bed time @ never land ranch?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

Haaayoo!

[Grapes]

^ that last one is pretty weak cause it makes NO sense, especialy if you live in Vancouver.

It doesn't rain between my bedroom and my kitchen. Don't know what kind of a house you're living in.

[C_squared]

^ yeah, yeah I'm slippin'... it's still a pretty bad joke tho.

[Grapes]

It made me laugh.

This actually gives me an opportunity to tell not a joke, but an anecdote. An anecdote about bad jokes.

At Shambhala this year, our camp was ambushed in the dead of night by a horrible joke teller. Well, technically one of the people in our crew invited him and his girl to come hang out, but I don't think she knew what she was getting us into.

The guy was probably on some kind of speedy pill, because he couldn't really stop talking, and he had that misguided sense of confidence going.. all of which lead to an incessant flow of jokes that made us more and more uncomfortable. Not because they were dirty or anything, but because they were NOT FUNNY. AT ALL.

Jokester: "What did Tarzan say when the saw a herd of elephants coming at him over the hill?"

Us: Uh... what?

Jokester: "Hey look, a herd of elephants coming over the hill!"

Us: *dead silence, nervous coughs*

Jokester (apparently oblivious to our reaction): "What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing SUNGLASSES coming at him over the hill?"

Us: *choosing to continue with the dead silence theme*

Jokester: "Nothing! He didn't recognize them."

Us: *open-mouthed shock at the lack of funny*

Serious. Like half an hour of this. Some people retreated to their tents, others like myself were transfixed, like a deer in the headlights.

Hey I wonder if he's on here. And reading this.

THE JOKE IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!$@$

[Goat]

Why did michael jackson place a phone call to 'boyz-2-men'?

He thought it was a delivery service.

[DefJef]

q: What has 9 arms and sucks?









a: def leppard

[Goat]

-10 man points for trying to shit on def leppards parade.

[Grapes]

^ I don't understand that at all. He gets +50 pts from me.

[-evil-duerr-]

Originally Posted by Grapes

It made me laugh.

This actually gives me an opportunity to tell not a joke, but an anecdote. An anecdote about bad jokes.

At Shambhala this year, our camp was ambushed in the dead of night by a horrible joke teller. Well, technically one of the people in our crew invited him and his girl to come hang out, but I don't think she knew what she was getting us into.

The guy was probably on some kind of speedy pill, because he couldn't really stop talking, and he had that misguided sense of confidence going.. all of which lead to an incessant flow of jokes that made us more and more uncomfortable. Not because they were dirty or anything, but because they were NOT FUNNY. AT ALL.

Jokester: "What did Tarzan say when the saw a herd of elephants coming at him over the hill?"

Us: Uh... what?

Jokester: "Hey look, a herd of elephants coming over the hill!"

Us: *dead silence, nervous coughs*

Jokester (apparently oblivious to our reaction): "What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing SUNGLASSES coming at him over the hill?"

Us: *choosing to continue with the dead silence theme*

Jokester: "Nothing! He didn't recognize them."

Us: *open-mouthed shock at the lack of funny*

Serious. Like half an hour of this. Some people retreated to their tents, others like myself were transfixed, like a deer in the headlights.

Hey I wonder if he's on here. And reading this.

THE JOKE IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!$@$

ha ha ha , shambhala stories. i got about a million of em. all equally halarious.
so much funny shit happened out there, and I forgot about half of it. lol

[*SunShyne*]

not a joke... but something my boss said to me the other day:

Me: *knocks on door frame, door is open but I don't want to be rude* I have the reports for you

Him: Don't worry about knocking ... the only time this door is closed is when I'm making women cry.... *looks over at his Vice President* You weren't the first and you certainly won't be the last

[Skitzo_Style]

"how do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white chick?"

"throw them a basketball" - full metal jacket



"what do 2000 battered women have in common?"

"they didn't do the dishes"


what do you call MJ and a bunch of boys on a flotation device?"

"temptation island"

[tiedye]

The greatest joke ever made:

There were two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Fuck it's hot in this oven." The other muffin turns and says, "HOLY FUCK! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[esoter1c]

How many poles does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

3

1 to hold the bulb and 2 to spin the ladder.

[gnosis]

Walking down Homer to a club, one night, I overheard an exasperated guy complaining to his g/f:

"I can handle bad music! I can put up with prostitutes! But, I WILL NOT STAND for fluorescent lighting!!!"

Frosty
(was doubled-over, stumbling down sidewalk)

[DefJef]

Q: Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?







A: Telling your parents you're gay

[mojo]

This guy

[Taddy_Bare]

Originally Posted by mojo

This guy

Giving or receiving? or both? haha

[Skitzo_Style]

Originally Posted by sirjeff

Q: Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?







A: Telling your parents you're gay

hahahahaha it's funny cause it's true!

[Goat]

Why hasn't a women been to the moon?

Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

[DefJef]

so a blonde walks into a bar and says "ouch"

[mojo]

why was helen kellers leg all yellow?























her dog was blind too.

wha whaa whaaaaaaa

[DefJef]

Originally Posted by mojo

why was helen kellers leg all yellow?























her dog was blind too.

wha whaa whaaaaaaa

haha nice one

[Silverwinged]

why did the woman cross the road?





WHO THE FUCK CARES?!?! HOW DID SHE GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND WHERE THE HELL DID SHE GET SHOES?!?!?!?!