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| Mind and Body Ask for advice or offer some. Keep it work safe clean. |
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May 31, 01
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Is anybody happy with how it's going?
Honestly now... I've just come to realize how really un-happy people are. maybe just because I've been thinking so much about my life really, complaining and bitching about it leads to conversations about how shitty it really is. It's ironic, though, because usually the truth is masked by smiles and giggles (ie.me) but really, when you think about it, are you happy about how your life is going?
I'm not. And it's tragic, because i've been told adolescence is the prime time. But it sure as hell isn't great so far. It's to the point where I can't stand it anymore. I feel so frustrated with everything. Mainly school, my parents, my future, love life (which is non-existant), and everything and anything under the sun. Is it just a phase? Is this growing up? If it is, then fuck, hurry the christ up and get it over with.... I don't know what to do with myself. There is this constant pressure from my parents to succeed, but in things that THEY want me to do, and what I couldn't give a shit about. QUESTION: do you think it is a necessity to go to University to live a sucessful life? I don't. But my parents don't get that. (anybody out there CHINESE?? then you'll understand) ha ha ha... And oh my FUCK: I FAILED MY FUCKING ROAD TEST... that was just gravy... exactly what i need right now... I just want things to change. But they can't. I want to change myself, but I don't know how to. I have no motivation to do anything that "should" be important to me. The idea of yet another year of high school makes me want to buy a gun and shoot myself. (not literally kids... don't worry addy's not suicidal) Anyone want to run away with me? Cause really, it's tempting... Does anybody feel my frustration? even if you don't, say yes so i don't feel so lonely... *addy* 
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May 31, 01
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I feel it...
I feel your frustration Addy... I know what you mean...I know what you're feeling...I know what it feels like to have "asian" parents wrank on you about going to university and be "successful" :014: And I won't lie to you...it doesn't get better...
The older you get the more complex problems become...and the more they slam one on top of each other...it just overwhelms you...it's definitely overwhelming me right now... I wish....a lot of things....especially for this frustration to be over soon... I can't remember the last time I was really "truly" happy with my life...Maybe Christmas 1999???
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May 31, 01
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Another long winded response...
Here's old man Winston with his fortune cookie answers to life. :Kam:
To answer your questions you have to answer this first: What are you using to measure success by? Wealth? Power? Fame? Friends? Family? Love? Until you decide what you want your benchmark to be you will have a hard time reaching ANY goal. For example, my relatives think I am a HUGE success based on how much money I make (and yes I am Chinese) but I feel that I have wasted the last ten years of my life. I feel my sister is way aheard of the game of life as she has three times as many friends as I do willing to help her at the drop of a hat. Money can be made and spent, friends are made and last forever. Compared to me, she is the richest person I know of. I envy her. She has a good husband, nice home, a good job, happy with what she has in life (friends, family, pets) and is VERY happy. I used to used wealth as a benchmark when I was younger and much more arrogant and I chose poorly. Wealth masks many things and warps your perception on life. I can't tell you what to do. Just think about what I said and once it makes sense, you'll know what to do. As for a need of a University education to lead a successful life? Well, I never finished BCIT or UBC yet and make as much as my sister and her husband combined and they are BOTH honour grads with Engineering degrees. That being said, when I saw my sister graduate I was proud of her accomplishment and wish I walked across that stage as well. One day I will be a graduate too. Your parents want you to go get educated becasue it is the ONLY thing you own that no one can take away. You do it for yourself, not for the benefit of your parents or anyone else. I don't know about you, but my parents worked their asses off for 26 years in order to give me a chance to have a better life. I feel bad sometimes becasue I didn't finish my post-secondary education. When I think about it I feel I let them down. They know that when you are young and without the distractions of REAL life, you can study and learn. Trust me, with my job, responsibilities, bills, etc. the last thing I can do is study properly. I am too many distractions to focus on my books. I know I can get so far without a university degree and that does bother me. Right now I am going for a different type of accreditation (Cisco CCIE) which will allow me to make 6 figures (once again back to money) and that should allow me to choose my options in life a lot easier. Money isn't everything, but it does allow you choices that might not have been available to you before. Bottom line is this! Finish high school, get your university degree and then worry about the other aspects of life. you are only young once so don't waste your time screwing around. That is all. Winston
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May 31, 01
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To tell you the truth,, I'm not really happy with how everything is going right now.. From school to family, friends, and my future *sigh*
THE THING I DONT NEED RIGHT NOW Is Pressure from my parents..You all know what I mean.. parents yelling at you to try harder in school. .. you going out too much, should be saving that valuable time on your books!..I do have a life.. and I want to go out and enjoy life.. theres soo many things to do and see in this world.. Quote: "Live life to the fullest with no regrets" I'm going to do that while I'm still young.. Parents harsh try to control their kids lives.. which is stupid..that's why soo many teenagers has been having stress lately.. and built up anger just waiting to explode.. Excuse my language But it's my fucking life... not yours.. and aint noone going to control and tell me what to do in my life.. because have I controlled yours? WELL NO I haven't!! Parents just don't understand these days.. Mostly it's The chinese parents that don't ..they expect us to be like them in the past when they were our age.. how they were at school, telling us how harsh their life was.. I DONT CAREEEEEEEEE NOT ONE BIT OF IT!! I a canadian born citizen.. I was born here.. and IM not going to live by your asian "ways" and "rules" I hate pressure.. especially from parents sometimes when my parents yell at me.. I just ignore them..but sometimes when it gets too out of hand..I open my bedroom door and yell "SHUT UP!!" I know what you mean "lack of motivation" tell me about it..but you have to get up and do something about it.. think in your mind.. look im not gettting anywhere with no motivation .. where am i going to get in life .. right? it's just that were all very lazy.. which is quite true.. I'd run away.. but not quite a good idea right now.. sometimes running away doesnt solve anything..actually it doesnt at all.. its like you running away from all your problems and not doing anything about it..like ignoring them.. you dont know what to do or say..sometimes if you have a good reason like running away from this hell hole place..and from all that yelling,, unhappiness and stress.... is a good way to pick yourself up again... addy dont feel lonely.. im here with ya baby =O ) *smiles* here's a quote for you all "Have a dream. Make a plan. Go for it. You'll get there. I promise" You don't have to go to University to become succesful.. theres a lot of ppl that are successful out in the world today.. some haven't even went to post secondary.. just started working right after highschool.. and theres no problem with that.. do what your good at.. and follow it .. and you can become succesful.. trust me on this one.. okay je suis finir Last edited by powerpuffys*; May 31, 01 at 06:45 PM.
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May 31, 01
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Sure, gonna take on more challenges and responsibilities as u grow older but there's always a solution to a problem, just depends on if ur willing to go seek for it and take on the risk.
Kimmie, remember our little discussion earlier today? keep in mind; don't let the problems sit for too long, complexity will builds up as it gets longer... Take Kare & talk later~ p.s: MCHAMMERED, well put man...true money isn't everything to life but without money, ur life will be miserable. Reality is cruel. AhnYoung - smiles Last edited by T U F F Y; May 31, 01 at 06:42 PM.
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May 31, 01
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university my ass.
come on. look at ppl like brittney spears or any "super star" did all of them go to school? NO. they just had a pretty face and knew all the right ppl or were born in a rich family. get fake boobs, strip on national tv. and you might get a job in a movie. or porn :) be a porn actress. if you can call what they DO acting.. er... or a stipper. damn that pays good money. i heard you were a good dancer so it could work! :BeatFarme
my parents want me to go to university. ha. but what for. i dont even know what i wanna do yet. but they're okay with whats going on with me and school now so i'm not too worried. i'm more so content and willing to accept the fact that things for me right now are sucking ass. maybe i'm more so in denial. i dunno. oh and with your parents. MUHAHAHA. this trick has worked for me. run away for a few days or a few weeks or months. maybe that'll break them. it sure broke my parents and now they dont get on my case so much and they're more leniant (sp?) with me going out to sleep overs or out at weird hours of the night. and such. WOOHOO. i'm guessing you feel like life is going on fastforward with everyone else going off to college and whatnot. and you feel kinda like you're stuck in slowmo, pause, or even stop. yeah but its really up to you to pick up that remote control and put it on play... then again i'm a hypocrite that still has no job and insists on dying her hair pink despite her searches for a job... dammit. i'm going to drop my resumes and such off tommorow.. i hate putting off things... if i wasnt so damn lazy... oh well. i like to think of it as me just slowing down to gather myself together. no. i didnt just waste a whole entire year. some things had to be done and school isnt everything. unfortunalty how well you do on some overused systematic government test based on how well you can memorize information from a text book is here to tell me how "smart" i am. bullshit. BULLFUCKIN'SHIT. my talents dont consist of memorizing information that i dont need in life. so now you consider me stupid mr.school system? FUCK YOU. okay. i'm more calm now. uhh. live life. its short. and you die. the end. live it how you want to live it. never try to please anyone else cuz it'll never be good enough. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY. DONT TAKE LIFE SO DAMN SERIOUS. WE ALL END UP IN THE SAME PLACE. DEAD! :027: toodles.!
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May 31, 01
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A bit off the topic, but still it proves a point.
Would you take creativity or pure smarts?
Tomato Story An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day. Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed. Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pick-up truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the Internet from the very start!" After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied, "Why, of course! I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft!" Moral of this story: 1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life. *2. If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire. 3. Seeing that you got this story via e-mail, you're probably closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire. 4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.
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May 31, 01
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i know for meeh..my life isn't going that great. i dunno it's just so weird i can't quite figurei t all out..but i don't wanna complain..this is how it is right nwo adn when the right time cums i'll figure out some solutions and things will get better.. it seems for meeh as soon as some good things cum along....other good things turn bad...and when bad things get good..good things get bad.. it's like a never ending circle so i kinda sk..will i ever be truly happy?? and i can't answer tht cuz i don't know what it even feels like to be truly happy..
maybe i won't till i am..maybe i never will be and it'll be one of my many unanswered questions.. i don't know.. ahh....about school tho...fucking hell... i know what some of you are going thru..my parents are constantly telling meeh to do my homework and such.. like wtf? ill do it when i want...BLAH! it's so pissing they're always telling meeh to do my homework. and whenever i do good on something.. and im' proud of myself and i tell em...all i usually hear is "that's okie..but you could do better" i could do better?! FUCK! i tried hard and all i get is "you could do better" shut teh fuck up!! oi..y'know how much pressure i have from my rents?? my dad has this whole plan of meeh going to TechBC..fucking hell..maybe i don't wanna go there...huh?! maybe i wanna be a chef..or a bartender..i haven't figured it out yet..but either way i'll have to go to kwantlen first if i wanna do anything with computers cuz i'll have to take physics cuz i can't take it now..i'll just fail it! but with meeh i get alotta pressure...and no it's not chinese parents (fucking hell i'm white!) but it's cuz my sis never gradded... not only did she not grad...she only did halfway thru grade 9..got kicked out and did some work and jerk and sperm (err..work and learn) and ya..so she doesn't even have grade 10..and here i am almost done grade 10 *in 15 days* and all i get is "you could do better!" fucking hell.. i hate parents.. my mom's being a bitch 2!! GRRRRRRRR!! life sucks....but what does complaining do?? maybe nothing for you guys but for meeh..i dunno sometimes it helps to just sit with someone and talk about how shitty things are and COMPLAIN and what not...makesm eeh think about things..and talking about things (even if it's complaining) helps meeh realize things i never realized before.. but ya..the way i see it..maybe you won't ever be truly happy...with everything around you...your life, job, schooling,f amily, friends, etc...but just be happy with whats going good for you at the moment... id unno if this made anysense..but i'm rambling..i'm gonna go now..
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Jun 01, 01
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Hmmm..wut to write...where do i start??..
life rite now for me sucks..i duno why but it just does... skool..yeah..not doin so good..i try hard..i do..i actually do shit now and study and not a fucking thing gets into my head..its soooo pathetic..ok..maybe i'm not trying that hard..maybe i jsut don't care rite now..but why do i push myself so hard even when i don't care...cuz i actually do care..i look back to my past marks and think..my god..i was such a nerd...btu now...i sorta wish i was still like that cuz then i wouldn't be working so hard now..working hard for wut?.. yeah..i get the parent pressure thing too..no..they don't caremuch about my report card since they haven't asked to see it since gr.8...but they have expressed to me..(parents, sisters, cuzins)...how i won't be taking a year off after grading..how i won't be goin to college...how i won't go to any university EXCEPT for ubc...and i'm like oh fuck..they still think i'm acing everything and doin good...boy are they gonna be pleasantly surprised but i still dun't wanna disappoint them so i gotta work my ass off!!...i'm not sure about the question about the university makes ur life successful...ur life is wut u make it and how u view it....so if u think it'll be successful without..then go for it...but if u feel there's a need to go..then go~ family..yeah..other then the pressure...i luv them and everything is ok for now.. friends..haha...they cause more stress on my life then most things cuz we all know that ur closest friends are the ones that can hurt u the most and shit...wutever wutever...things change and can't be changed back...and i, in a way, dont want them abck to how they were....as i sit back and watch my group fall apart...i sorta don't attempt to makean effort to put help put it back together..cuz why should i when no one else is..no ONE person holds up a whole group..its everyone or no one~...so yeah...i think everyone in my group knows we're falling apart but they just deny the fact and pretend everythig is ok...ignorance sumtimes is bliss i lack motivation...i have no goals now other then getting into ubc cuz i'm required to go there...as for after that..??>.i dunno..i can say i'm confused and still thinking...and i'm unhappy with everything..but relaly..i don't care enuf to start to pick things up and move on...i sorta like where i'm sitting rite now..sure..the frustration sucks and i know i should change stuff and get off my ass but i sorta think about it and think..its really not that bad if i think about my happy moments in life recently...ahhh..opr maybe i;'m just lazy and too afriad to deal with nething at the moment...??..wutever...i sorta don't really know wut my motivation is either so how can i really use it to help me if i don';t knwo wut it is? yeah..adolescent years is spose to be our primetime..but also the most frustrating time of our life cuz we're looking for ourslves..i think... life is the way u maek it out to be...don't let neone dictate UR life...live it for urself...try to focus on the good and push forward for more good stuff..i dunno... sorry for rambling so much..*Hugz* all around~....:Lazee:
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Jun 01, 01
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I have been feeling like nothing is going my way for a long time and u just have to work your way around it.
Skool *gag* oh i'm doing so fucking bad in skool.......i don't understand the first semester i was on the honor roll, had A's and B's and now all of a sudden i couldn't give two shits. You work so hard and when u take a second to breathe it all seem to fall apart ...... it's like when u have that second to your self , you feel like their might be something else out there , then books and grades. I have finally gotten over this stupid stage in my life where i don't care about anything ...... i guess that is where my grades dropped. But now it seems to late to care ...... i have two more fucking weeks of skool lefts and it is fucking stupid for me to think that i will be able to catch up now. I'm so anger that i didn't kick my self in the ass , so maybe i could have noticed that maybe caring is a good idea. All my friends think i'm fine and dandy but it ain't , i have a talent for hiding my feelings ...... mmmm maybe could be an actress. Oh i have so many masks that i wear ..... and i guess i like living in this little bubble world of mind ...... at least i'm the only one that i can bring down . I don't know any one can relate to that but i can't explain it any better because i'm still not sure where i'am in life . Shouldn't this be the time in my life where i should be experimenting and having fun? Then why do i feel like crying all the time? And i really don't want to go back to skool i have almost giving up........ this summer break is long over due. Yo ADDY i think that your idea of running away to a far FAR away land isn't too bad at the moment.
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Jun 01, 01
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ADDY i must agree with u on this one. yes im chinese and my parents think i have to get streight A's in school to make them happy, and yeah they want me to go to university..... yeah it would be nice if i could. But its me for crying out loud!!
and to answer the question of the thread: HELL NO i aint happy with the way things are going....y? lets see first: i have had the worst week in my whole life in school and at home. second: to make things even worster (yeah i no its not a word) today im driving to go pick up my girlfriend up from school....u know that exit off columbia street to get you on to the potello bridge??.....yeah i took that exit today doing only bout 37km/h....as i turned my wheels start sliding.....im trying to get out of the slid, it was kinda working but it was too late i hit the curb with the side of my front tire. i didn't think that i hit it that hard but when i started to get going again my steering wheel was shaking alot....so im like what the hell is going on??? after i got off the bridge i looked at my tire it didn't look like anythig was wrong....except i had lost my hub cap.......then im climbing up this hill where there was construction. the guy that was conducting traffic stoped me and said that my wheel was fuckin wobbling like crazy. i had said yeah i no. so i went to go pick BB up from school i had told her what had happened and i needed to go to a machinic to fix it up, she wasn't too happy with me and i don't blame her for being mad at me. so $61.70 dollars later(i had to repalce my wheel, he said that it was bent badly) I was pretty much broke at that time, i'm kinda pissed, BB was still kinda upset with me, but you couldn't tell....the story goes on. and last but not least: my weekend is going to suck the big one cause i won't get to see my BB and i won't be able to go any where the whole weekend.... yeah im kinda unhappy can u tell?? but on the bright side, at least no one got hurt BB----->:016: <------me
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Jun 02, 01
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Hey
*giggles to dragon boi* I wasn't really that pissed that day, wait I was somewhat pissed but at least you showed up. I was glad that you didn't get hurt! cause I don't think anything in my life would be the same if I lost you. I truly then would have to ask myself if I could love again.
*To ADDY* I've felt your frustration for I fell into depression in grade 9, and then in the beginning of grade 11, and then the beginning of this grade 12 year. I thought I couldn't handle in grade 9, shit I was young and dumb!, I actually was suicidal, I put a knife to my chest, I didn't push it through cause I started to ask myself all these questions before I almost did. I had a little pointer cut, but then it was so tiny like a needle poked me. I didn't know what to do, my father and I would get into constant fight and arguments, and I had lost my *first love* at the time, it just seemed so unreal! I really wanted to run away. In my grade 10 year, I was getting a hold of myself, I didn't think of holding back "WHO I REALLY WAS" was a biggy, and let my mind speak! and I didn't want to mess with any relationship deals cause the truth is, "You are what THEY are missing" Do you really need that OTHER HALF to survive. The truth is.. eh NO. and I lived my life that grade 10 year, I really knew who I was. The summer going to grade 11, was when I began to lose myself, I started dating again, and I lost one of my dearsest teachers and I just didn't want to believe it, she was supposed to help me. The same summer, I almost got raped too, and it was by someone I was dating!.. shitty, huh! yeah My grade 11 year was all about recovery. And bad relationships. My grade 12 year, I thought it was going to be fantastic, I'm finally getting out! finally, but everything changed when my friend got ran over and was killed right in the back alley of my school. What was this world coming to?! I thought, and I had a nervous breakdowns after his death from OCT-Dec oh yeah and my bf at the time cheated on me in NOV. maybe that was part of the problem too. I guess this year was recovery road too. Tell you the truth, these 3 years were the hardest I think I can ever survive, the worst shit I can ever go through and the truth is, I've never really cried so hard since, ever since I met Trevor (dragon boi) Life has ever been so good, things that he thinks is a total dissaster have not brought it to be the end of the world, and things that I thought would be the end of my world, was not either. I guess I wrote all this to show, that life will have it's problems, but then just think, after all you think the problem is just over, and then the harsh shit comes, it all ends great! The happy days are yet to come, you just got to have faith, and don't worry. Maybe I'm just a Optimistic person, but hey.. all I have said in here is the truth.
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Jun 03, 01
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hmmm....
it seems that no one is having a good time with life.. no one seems to be too cheerful.. i dunno. correct me if i'm wrong.. but when youre haveing a good day and one of your friends tells you they arent doing so well. do you not tell them how good your life is going cuz you dont wanna seem like an asshole that lives this happy lil life?? you dont wanna rub it in or something.. i dunno.. just something i thought about...
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Jun 03, 01
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to answer ur question leslie...if my life was goin superly duperly well..and theirs seriously sucked shit...i wouldn't tell them how good my life was but that it was ok~..i wouldn't harsh brag about it but i would say stuff is goin pretty good...
if i were sad...i wouldn't want my friends just to lie to me and say how shitty their life is just to sympathize with me when their life was goin just fine...then when they say..i understand how u feel..it has no meaning...and sugar coating stuff up never really helps cuz once u eat thru the sugar..u face the rock hard candy and then the chewing begins!... sorry..i think i got lost sumwhere there while rambling~:Lazee:
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Jun 03, 01
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I dunno.....
but lately my life has just been awful. It was bad in grade 7 and 8, but i didn't really realize it then. In grade 9 it was absolutely horrible~i was depressed and felt like I wanted to end my life then somehow near the end of the year it just sorta got better. Grade 10 was an excellent year. Even though not too much happened in it, it was still I think so far the best year of my life...Now here I am in grade 11, i'm failing math and i'm not on the honor roll for the first time ever...my parents expect so much of me and i feel i cannot live up to their standards. they dont really like me going out and having fun. they tell me all the time how skool should be my 1st priority....but thats not how i see things. What about what I want? I have my own goals and my own priorities. I feel like now I may not ever live up to them though. A lot of my friendships have fallen apart and my best friend is like non-existant to me right now. I cant seem to find a guy who is right 4 me and I feel confused all the time. I have experienced many different things this year, it is unbelievable how much my life has changed and i dunno i dont regret anything. i dont like to have regrets but I'm wondering what will happen next. Will things get worse? Will they get better? I feel as if I have no one to really turn to. Losing my best friend to her boyfriend is just killing me and none of my other friends seem to understand. When I'm at school I'm working, after school i'm working. or i have dance or some other priority. I am constantly tired. I fall asleep in at least one class a day. And what if things dont turn out how i want/need them to? I want to go to SFU, I want to open my own dance studio, i want to be a kindergarten teacher and i want to live a good happy life with a family and kids. I am not satisfied right now and I have always hid my problems pretty well. I hide myself with a smile, people comment on how i am always smiling and laughing and how i'm always happy. but really its just a mask because its what i think people expect of me.
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Jun 04, 01
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It's time for FK group therapy!
Thanks for all your replies guys!
Yoko: I CLEANED MY ROOM!!!! Baby steps right? I'm tired of just bullshitting... IT'S TIME TO TAKE CHARGE!!! ha ha... I just can't wait for the summer... so much of this shit will be solved... Next thing: get my shit in gear for school. This one's gonna take a lot longer then cleaning my room... but oh well... keep you guys posted on the progress :Kam:
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Jun 04, 01
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Yoko ~ i heard something bout SAD on the news the other day...and it could be the case for some of you..or maybe post e-depression (if you pop that is..)
i dunno bout you guys..but for meeh..i've gotten quite depressed after i pop E...but it's kinda weird in a way... cuz i feel so sad...but yet no matter how hard it hink about it..i can never find a reason (that's kinda how i tell the dif between after e..and like actually being sad..) i dunno if this happens to any of you guys but it happens to meeh... starsprite ~ I know how it can be to loose a best friend to a boyfriend!! omg..it fricking licks!! it happened to meeh just recently...my best friend since grade 7.. well back in grade november of grade 9 (i'm in grade 10 now..almost thru it) she started going out with this guy....and she just started changing so much..and all the things just went downhill from there...and now...we still talk sometimes and i mean i see her everyday (cuz we all hang out..her friends are mine friends..y'know) but it's just like we're not close at all anymore... and it really bugs meeh cuz we used to be really good friends... and even tho i tried there was nothing i could do bout it.. i mean i guess i was lucky cuz i did sorta have someone to talk to (my other really good friend) cuz she felt the same way.. like we could just kinda bitch about it and stuff together and it kinda helped... but if you wanna talk to someone if htat' buggin u..u can icq meeh (my number in my sig) stabby ~ about your thing..when i'm having a really good day and a friend is kinda sad....i dunno i don't usualy mention my good day. i mean if they ask how my days goig i'm like ya..it's going pretty good but i never mention to much about it..cuz i know from experience with meeh..fi i'm having a bad day..ppl who are really happy around and like bragging bout there day it just REALLY bugs meeh... so i try not to do it to others... i dunno bout you guys...but with meeh it's like kinda like....not so much a roller coaster but y'know what i'm kinda talking bout?? like one day i'll be totally down and the next day i'll be feeling fine...i dunno...i'm pretty emotional and i guess that's what gets meeh so bad?? but i dunno..if this means anythign to any of you..but one thing that really helped meeh...was something my dad taught meeh... he taught meeh not to spend my time dwelling on the past..cuz that's just what it is..the past..it's nothing i can change...and that i should just learn from it... and i dunno..hearing it once never helped..but he repeated it to meeh many many times and after a while it helped cuz id id stop dwelling on the past...and now i don't have as many regrets...cuz the way i see it....if the past was any different..how would things be now?? i mean the past makes up what is today...so ya i'm kinda trailing off and rambling so i'mma try and finish my homework.. yes aren't you guys?! heh.. i finally did some homework..i came home and did some homework! ah... iNEVER do that...yaaa...it's one lil change that'll help things get a bit better.. =]
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Jun 08, 01
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My life is collapsing around me
suddenly my life seems to be falling apart from around me.
it's not my fault and yet I feel like the bad guy in this situation i dun know how to explain it but I feel like crawaling in a hole and dying...or at least dissapearing from the face of the planet
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