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Oct 24, 02
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No Nat, it's okay....you talking to him might just make him feel like I'm some crazy stalker that he's already got rid of and I keep trying to get him back...or something like that. I'd like to get together sometime soon though so maybe I could explain the whole situation to you (uhh yeah...that sounded great eh...."come meet up with me so you can listen to me cry!")....but maybe I did already in this post. I don't really know about the him loving me so much anymore....I have my doubts....because if he did, he wouldn't do this....AND also....err....I found out he kissed Sharla when we were trying to 'work things out'....
Call me soon -k-? I guess a lot has happened since I last saw you...hehe.... *Jen* 
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Oct 24, 02
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HE DID WHAT?
SHE DID THAT? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to whoop her fucking ass next time I see her....oooh!!!!!!! THAT MAKES ME SO DAMN MAD!!!!!!!  Anyways, yes, meeting up soon. Ryan works on Sunday, so I could come meet you for dinner or something? I get off at 1 tomorrow afternoon so I'll give you a call. I hope you're doing okay! MUCH LOVE! *hugs*
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Oct 25, 02
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Yeah...I know....some 'perfect' relationship eh?! I was so mad when I heard about it...but then I got to thinking....it was a kiss, he was drunk....people make mistakes like that and it only takes about 30 seconds to make it....and a lifetime to break it. If he had slept with her, I would totally hate him...because that mistake takes more than a few seconds.... I talked to one of our mutual friends and he (the friend) said not to look at the kiss as him being unfaithful...he said guys make mistakes like that and Kam probably felt so guilty about it....and that it might have just been a 'test' to see what it was like since he had never known anything else....?!
I know, I'm making up excuses for him. I wish I could talk to him and find out his side of the story. *Jen*
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Oct 27, 02
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He's kissed other girls than you, that's no excuse! ARGH
If you wanna talk to him, just call him up or ICQ him or SOMETHING. I mean, you need to find out the true story, and the only way you're going to hear it is straight from him. You need confirmation and closure - - GO GET IT!
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Oct 29, 02
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first off id like to say :*:STABBY:*: from reading all of the replies you write my god you are a ~VERY~ wise girl, very respectable! but moving on i dont think u should let the person u love go if you dont really think its necessary! recently ive been faced with the same challenge except it was on my part i thought i should let him go for a bit to figure myself out, and figure out if the trivial relationship i was in was worth it! now it definatley has to do w/ sum insecurites no doubt, but sometimes its just hard to understand and explain, w/ my problem i just couldnt find the words i wanted to say but i knew in my head what i wanted to say which was soooo frusterating for both of us, but enough of my blabbering, everything worked out fine for me and im sure everything will work out for you in the end too, just try to lift up your head and be positive! :)
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Oct 29, 02
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I know that him being a very insecure guy has a lot to do with the break up...and the problems in the relationship...
I am so sad and everyone thinks I am torturing myself...but I think I am just severely depressed....so much for "letting go"....because that's definitely what I'm NOT doing....fuck *Jen* p.s. I hope everything works out in the end like your story Angela
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Nov 01, 02
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learn what you speak of before you open your mouth, natalie ... you're better than this.
~la. Quote:
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Nov 01, 02
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*growls* this post just hurts. i mean, i told jen about this because i thought she had the right to know. end of story, and i get blamed for this? harsh. this is not something i wish to be discussing on a message board as a popularity contest, this is real life and sure people can have their own opinions on this, but a public display of this, is it really necessary? *shrugs* it took a lot to put my ass on the line and speak up ... (again, its a situation i care not to explain to the whole forum.)
bottom line ... jen means a LOT to me. she's been my closest friend since grade five(jen - since they're were bombs on the roof), and thoughts are that im out to hurt her? im sorry, but thats just not how i work. i did what i thought a good friend should do ... (and ruined my birthday in the process *ugh*) so please don't make me out to be the bad one here? Quote:
~la. Last edited by [Lil]Athena; Nov 01, 02 at 02:06 AM.
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Nov 01, 02
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La, nobody was blaming you for anything...the only one to blame is Kam...and I really am glad and grateful that you told me.
Sorry I posted this on F&K, but it just became a way for me to let out my emotions/feelings...I didn't really know that anyone else knew you except for Nat (that would read this post at least)... *Jen*
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Nov 01, 02
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Quote:
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Nov 01, 02
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Quote:
Try to stay positive and look for the potential good things that will come from this. *hug*
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Nov 07, 02
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*sigh* So confused....so now he says that he loves me, he thought he was making the right decision, but he didn't...because he really realized how much he loves me....that he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he's sorry...that he'll try everything in his power to make me happy now...that it wasn't fair to me....that he really wants to give it another shot...and live happily ever after...
I know he is truly sorry and that he loves me (everyone else knew it except for him!), but how do I know that this will never happen again? I'm so scared. *Jen*
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Nov 20, 02
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Still....so.....scared.
Sorry, I need to bring this post up again just so that I can ramble on to myself (no need to read from here on...) I have been so happy the past few days, I really feel that he actually loves me. He seems like he is trying so hard to please me...but that's just it. He's trying. What if this trying is just to prove to himself that he is still "the man" who can fuck up and I will still be there for him? Like some doormat. Yet it really seems that he loves me. But after all the pain I have gone through, all the lies he has told me, all the selfish things that he has done in the past...how can I possibly allow myself to fall into his trap again? But what if it isn't a trap...he really sounds like he genuinely loves me this time. I don't know whether to be stupid or stubborn. I just don't know anything. I know he read this post when we were apart, but I doubt he will now. I hope not. Because I don't know where else to write...my diary is sick of hearing this shit. How in the world will I ever know when it is the right time to trust, when it is okay to love, to feel safe again? Will that ever come for me again? I don't understand why this had to happen at all. When I smile and laugh when I am around him, when I feel like it was in the 'good old days', I feel so guilty...I beat myself up inside, and I turn away so that I can never get hurt again. I hate myself for 'letting go' of MYSELF...literally setting myself up for a fall. Suicidal, I think. But I want to believe in a love like before. I want so badly to be loved like before. Way before all this happened. Love can't be love unless there is love. So how do I know whether it's there or not. I feel it, but I also feel fear. My heart trembles with it, and my mind is so torn apart. Where are all the answers to my questions? I hope that I find them soon...because I am so confused and petrified. *Jen*
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Nov 20, 02
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From reading the above post, I can easily say that from an outside person perspective, it seems as if he needs you more than you need him now. You seem to be able to go either way, you could be going out with him but you aren't sure if you can trust him or not, or you could not go out with him and miss being in love. The only way to stop the doormat feeling is to not be with him, that's the only time you'll stop feeling used and abused.
I am pretty sure you're just afraid of change, being alone and whatnot, but it passes with time. You got back together too quickly I think, didn't have enough time to think about it on your own, you saw the chance to get back together and took it in willingly because you missed it so bad.... and now that you are together you aren't sure if it's what you really wanted after all.... Unfortunately there are things that just don't go away... no matter what happens in the present or future, it won't make the past go away. And it won't. The past isn't just going to rewrite itself, it's not going to change, sure over time you might become more immune to it and it'll matter less, but right now. I don't think you're ready to get back together with him. Getting back together over such a short period of time to try to work things out is just asking for trouble, you're both too fixated on being together and not being alone that you'll act irrational and fuck things up worse than before.. But that's just from my outside person perspective.
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Nov 20, 02
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Thanks Stabby (I can't believe you read all that)...more things to think about, similar to what my mom has been telling me...but just addition to my confusion....=) I know I want to be with him. I am just so afraid...and the pain is still so vivid.
Life isn't gonna get easier....heh.... *Jen*
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Nov 20, 02
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I have this cut, I got it not too long ago, everytime I pick at it, it hurts. It's not as if I like to be reminded of how much it hurts, I just can't help but pick at it.... I'm sure if I stopped and let it heal over without touching it, it'll get better. Maybe it'll leave a much smaller scar than if I kept picking at it everytime it starts to scab over..... do I enjoy this pain? Probably not... but I can't help but pick at it.... no one sees the scars if I put a band aid over it and pretend it's not there, right? Maybe if I poured some salt over my wound it'll disinfect it and make it better...
I hope you realize what I'm trying to say here. In the end it's your own choice, I've been in situations similar to your own, and you gotta learn things your own way.
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Nov 20, 02
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I know. I've been in a few situations similar to my own too. One that lasted almost 4 years. But this one is just different, you know? I'm not afraid of being lonely. I used to be...but I'm not anymore. Now it's just a question of where to go from here. I know ultimately it will be my decision, not matter how much I value the opinion and suggestions of others. And I also know that I am a very intelligent person...no matter how much my emotions may cloud my judgement. Again, only time can tell. Maybe the wound will heal over and just leave a very small scar, too small to even recognize?
*Jen*
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Jun 20, 03
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to strawberry .!. all i have to say is i hope things get better .. emotions are draining and dont let them get the best of you ! so just keep partying having fun and just do things that make you feel happy . thats the best i can do on advise since i dont know the situation . becuase i was hartbroken after a 3 year relationship with ->his<- last words "you were never a priortity to me and you never will be." at lease you have love to look back at and not all sad memories i hope ! * kiss kiss , hug hug * take care u heartbroken lovers ( keep smileing) - Julie-Ann!
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Jun 20, 03
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^^^ Thanks...this thread was started 6 months ago....=)...but thanks anyways. We got back together after 3 weeks and live happily (ever after) now...with the past popping up now and then, courtesy of me, to tell him how lucky he is that I took him back. :kam: Actually, it seems we are even closer now (I don't know if that is possible) than before.
*Jen*
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Jun 23, 03
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This thread makes me sooooo sad... I was reading it over and I started bawling and, right at that moment, Kam called and he heard my voice and was like, "OMG, what's wrong? What happened?! Are you alright?!" Hah..... :sick:
I hate bringing up the past. Leave the dead to rest. (last post.) *Jen*
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Jun 24, 03
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delete this so u wont have the urge to come back and read it
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