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Jun 09, 01
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If things in life happen for a reason...
I wish I could have been part of some of those decisions.
I believe in fate, destiny and that someone is watching over me. It's just sometimes the curves that life or whomever or whatever throws at you just does not make any sense. Sometimes I wonder if you are supposed to learn and try to grow stronger from these events and move on, or if you just slowly get beat up over and over until you just don't want to fight it anymore and give up. I know no one has the answers and that no one knows what life is really about. Maybe it is karma. Maybe I'm paying for all the bad shit that I have done in my past or previous lives. All I wanted was for my life to break even for once. I've had enough and seen enough pain, sorrow and suffering to last me this and any future lifetimes. Just once I wish that something good would last more than a breath in time and make me smile for a while. Honestly, if I was granted one wish right now I would wish that I was 6 years old again. Running happily in the park, playing on the swings with my grandfather watching over me as he always has. Then when I was all tired he would buy me an ice cream cone take my hand and we would walk home. They say if you truly love something, you let it go and if it comes back to you then it is yours forever. *sigh* I have yet to have anything come back. If you are reading this far, thanks for sticking around. Winston 
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Jun 10, 01
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.. humm..
*huggies Winston*
yeah I've thought about.. what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger what happens if it's what doesn't kill me only makes me weaker If we die before we are to learn our lesson, we are reborn into this world again I learned that If you love someone so much, why would you let them go, hold on to them harder. It doesn't work to make yourself happy, it's much more satisfying to make others happy to as well as yourself
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Jun 10, 01
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"If you love someone so much, why would you let them go, hold on to them harder. "
For me, the decision 'let them go' was one that I didn't make or for that matter ever want to make.
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Jun 10, 01
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......shit man.....all i can say, u already have....i hope our fri night got ur mind off it and let u "relax" for a bit.....give her time, then see wat happens
-adam
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Jun 11, 01
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Re: If things in life happen for a reason...
Quote:
I took this quote out because it made me think...I don't think I've ever been in a situation where someone came back for me...I've always been the one to run towards someone. Why? I don't know...but lately, I've been thinking...If someone states that they truly love you and wants to be with you forever...why would they let you go in the first place? Why would they let *things go*? And why won't they run towards you, but expect you to chase them? That doesn't make sense does it... :047: When I was little, my mom used to tell me...if you offer someone your heart, your soul, and your eternity, and they offer their's back to you...that is true love...but if they offer all that and decide to let you go...it was never there to begin with... It's VERY hard to let go...but if you hold onto someone that doesn't want to hold you back...you're only hurting yourself
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Jun 11, 01
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omg......*TEAR*.......adam grabs his teddy and sob's for hours......u guys r so moving.....sniff sniff
-adam
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Jun 11, 01
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sketchy....... trying my best. bare w/ me.
this is processing in my sketchy lil mind.. but I'm trying so bare with me.. all I could think about when i read ur post was peanuts... and clams.. I DON'T know why...
But upon *further* thought.. (i am trying).. my other thought was about wut i was thinkin about yesterday during my depressing high... I wish I had been able to write down my thoughts at that time... This mite not make sense or relate to your thread.. I'll read it later and I'll know whether it did or not... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was beginning to feel the effects of the high.. it was *euphoric*.. but at the same time there was a part of me that felt scared... mellow... sad... even though inside I felt in a way, happy and calm, i felt on my face that I was frowning. I looked paranoid and scared.. Then it occured to me that the things that were upsetting me earlier on could have rubbed off on my high. THat got me paranoid. When I closed my eyes and thought.. I thought about a dark tunnel. I heard voices in my mind (my own voice) telling me that I have two choices.. I saw 2 paths.. n sumhow I knew, that one led to a dark endless tunnel and the other was a happier bright path. A mixture of emotions spilled thru my body. One happiness ,one sadness... and they fought each other the whole time. The fighting became so intense that I wanted just *one* to win the fight, becuz it hurt my mind so much. The darker voices seemed so much louder... so much forceful. That in the end I gave in to them.. and I saw ahead of me, a dark tunnel. And I walked through it on my own. That's when I began to feel depressed. It lasted the whole nite.. but eventually my high wore off.. And I was my normal self again.. I think to myself now, if I was eventually gonna end up *okay * just as I was then, then why had I let this temporary high push me thru a dark tunnel?...... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think the lesson of my story is that if we are given the choice, whether to take the choice of learning and attempting to move on, or whether to drown in our sorrow... sumtimes the voices of sorrow are louder... it's so much easier to fall than to stand tall.. But in the end, if we're gonna be in the same place anyways, (accept, move on..) why not get there faster?.. oh why does yoko think like this *AHHH*
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Jun 11, 01
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Adam: I didn't know you had a teddy! I think we should organize a F-K lego & stuffy meet! :D:
I'll bring my pink elephant! LOL! Kimmie: Given enough time and distractions I'm sure I'll move on and forget. But as I posted before, there are just some people that I just can't get out of my head. You are right about offering your heart and soul, but for me I treat it a little differently. I 'give' a piece of my heart to those I have relationships with, that is why I feel more pain than I should when things don't work out. It really feels like a piece of my heart is torn away. This is why I can't forget Elisa, I gave her the biggest piece of all. The sad thing is, there is only so much left to go around. Yes you can choose carefully, but in the end what is left? How can you keep on giving when there is nothing left? As I type this, I remember asking a close ladyfriend the same question, she told me 'Winston... the answer is in the bathroom wall.' I didn't understand that at all, but when I went to go clean up for the night I saw this parchment framed on the wall and it says: 'Those who can give even though there is nothing left to give have hearts filled only with love.' I feel a bit better now remembering that. But as for me chasing after someone... I'm too fat and out of shape now. I'd just lose my breath, fall down and they would look and laugh at me. It's just better to go get some ice cream and sulk instead.
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Jun 11, 01
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mchammered: uh You could still live that 6 year old life.... if you were mentally retarded :P ... but you're not so.... :) ...
I guess ignorance is bliss sometimes, but I think whatever experiences you have in life is a blessing I guess, even though it comes in a form you don't like.... but uhh....I think the saying "if you let it go, and it comes back to you, it's yours forever" is bull...because even if you do get back together, it'll not be the same again. Things won't be all hunkey dorey. Would you honestly get back together with that person, knowing how they've hurt you like that? It's best to just recover, and move on from there.... i guess It's better having left a print in her heart.... better to have loved, than have had nothing at all.... but uh... yah... Honestly, all you peeps need in this world are yourselves and one or two good friends.... who knows..... maybe one day someone will turn on the mushy lovey dovey part of myself that I lost in highschool and I'll be mooning over my lost love...but whatever... :P I don't see that happening for a long time... ;) Last edited by mojojojo; Jun 11, 01 at 03:57 AM.
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Jun 11, 01
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Winston ~ when I said "offer", I meant "give"...if people truly state that they *love* each other, then why not give them your whole heart and soul??? Right??? If both people believe in it so deeply...what's there to lose...
It's just when one side *takes it back* or wasn't completely *honest* with their feelings is what hurts...Makes you feel like you believe in something that was so pure, later to find out that it was far from the truth... That's when you feel like you're heart's been torned...broken...shattered...taken for granted... :014:
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Jun 13, 01
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the best times of ur life are when u are a kid winston....almost everyone reflects back on there childhood as some of the best years of their life...if not THE best...those that don't view it that way must have had some terrible circumstances to cloud the memories so that they weren't so enjoyable...
you are supposed to grow stronger and learn from lifes trials and errors..life is meant to be hard...theres no goal at the end of the journey...the goal is the journey itself... theres a saying... those that sit around waiting for there ship to come in.....have already missed the boat... u have to MAKE life worth living..u have to WANT to keep going...i hate the bad times but honestly..i know theres so many more waiting for me...in some respects i guess u do have to live in the moment...and when ur going through tough times...know that there will always be happier ones just ahead........eventually...and that will make u appreciate them all the more.... girls aren't worth the trouble...no one is...at times it might seem like its all u know and all uwant to know...but u will see...there will be another shining light down the road and u will be drawn to it...and unless u didn't learn for the last time...u will know how to better prepare urself for possibilities htat might not be to ur liking.... i don't know if this applys...but if u have expectations of someone...u will always be setting them up to fail..and in return will be let down... Yoko.... that was one of the more interesting and more informative posts that i can relate to...ive been through those harsh come downs...(u were high but still)..and those two choices u had remind me of a choice i have....i choose to do drugs..for me its like this....the tunnel of happiness caused by drugs is the darker tunnell...and the of happiness by natural stimulation from my surroundings is the lighter tunnel...i know the path that is the RIGHT choice is the latter of two...and yet i am more often finding myself walking down a tunnell...but there are no lights guiding my way...im afraid that the door at the end of the dark tunnell will open and i will walk in...but yet it will be even darker...and i will not be able to see anything...........nor myself...thats what im afraid of...taht i wont be able to distinguish who am..because im not able to see who i am anymore and that i don't want to because im too far and can longer find my way to happiness by way of a lit path...hehe...maybe my eyes won' t adjust to the light...im coming up to the crossroads or will be soon i think....not in any time soon...*crosses fingers*...i wonder what my decision will be...because there is already so much postive reinforcement of the darker tunnell..... corrie
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Jun 13, 01
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gah.. corrie... *hugs*...
ur lucky that ur one of those people who actually know that sumthin's heading towards u. at least ur more aware. lotsa times I've waited till I fell. but I've never let myself reach rock bottom before.. sumtimes it's strange how we find ourselves in a dark tunnel but when u think back.. we were the ones who chose to walk thru.. makes me wonder why i keep testing myself sumtimes... well... i can't find anything to say to wut u wrote but i read it fer sure..... n here's my reply: u rarely post now u dink!! keep posting!! RAHH! :D
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