so I found him

[Senior]

few of you would know anything about this but anyway here goes. I haven't seen my step Dad in 12 years since a really bad divorce between my Mom and him. not a phone call, not a post card, nothing. anyway through a friend of a friend I just tracked him down and found out he's alive and kicking. anyway I just want to share this for anyone else out there that's in my situation, to let you know that even after a really long time you can find someone and also if anyone's gone through this if they have any thoughts to share. I'm really over whelmed and have no idea what to do about the situation. I want to go see him but don't know what to say or who this person is to me anymore. 12 years ago he was more important than my biological father and had raised me my whole life but hey a lot has happened since then. any smart ass comments will just be ignored so don't bother.

[LLaaUUrrYYn]

I hope that whatever you decide, it works out.

It's a very challenging situation im sure. Good luck =D

[miss.myra]

I went almost 10 years without seeing my dad and barely talking to him at all, when he moved back to BC and started making all the efforts to see what I'm doing and be a friend to me I was having none of it. I really pushed myself away from him, ignored his calls, acted really standoffish in person. I was really angry with him so I didn't let him get close to me at all.

He was gone soon after and in the end I really regret being such a selfish bitch and not letting him in because there's no way I can change what happened..ugh, getting a lump in my throat just typing it. My best advice is to look past why they weren't around and appreciate the effort they are making now for what it is. I know that may not be relevant to your situation...I just think that you shouldn't worry so much about what you are going to do or say, just be natural, family is always family and when you're together everything just falls into place.

[PwInCeSs]

Do what you feel is best for you.
Do you want yhim to be part of your life again? Are you even sure of what you want at this point?
Its a tough situation.
Im in the process of trying to decide wether or not to meet my Birth Mother (i was adopted at a week old.) I know her name, i just dont know if i want to follow through with locating her

[C_squared]

just sit down for a drink and thank him for the positive impact he had on you growing up. shoot the shit... father, son style.

[mojo]

No personal experiences, but even so i wish you the best.

[Webber]

if you live in a devoirced family the most important thing to do is to get to know the parent that you don't live with
I'm now 21 I have seen my mom once since i was 13 and I regret it deeply.
I know about here life and what she is doing, but I don't know her as a person and its makes me sad to say that I wont ever really know her, she is nothing more than an accantence to me and it sucks, but there isnt much I can do anymore.

[Courtney]

Hey nolan I am going through a situation rather difficult not the same but even still...

w/o getting into too much detail my dad has really fucked up a lot and because of it i have been really hurt and as a child me and him were really close and i loved him a lot. But in teh past years ive developed almost a hate for him (more for his actions) and 6 months ago i made the choice not to see him or talk to him anymore because it hurts me to much.......

i know our situations are different but what i have been thinking about lately is if something were to happen to him i know i will regret not confronting him about things........i think that if you had the will to find him that you should see him....if not for anything but some kind of closure
i

[galaxie]

I lost my dad when I was 15, and I'd do annnnnnnything (ANYTHING) to have him back. I still have dreams almost every night about the time we used to spend together and all the good memories we have. I had a dream last night about the pool party he threw for me when I was 8.

Honestly, I'd go for it. As an adult you can probably better understand why things went wrong. He probably thought it was better for you that he stay away...I bet he regrets it. And you know, if things don't end up working out, at least you tried. If you don't try you'll probably wonder forever.

[lildonkey]

Better to get in contact with him and see where it goes, then to spend the rest of your life wondering what if.

If you have gone 12 years without him and were able to make it through happy, then even if things go bad when you get in contact with him you will be able to survive.

However, if you decide not to persue it.... you may end up having regrets for the rest of your life.

A simple phone call will be sufficient to guage if he has any interest in meeting up with you for a coffee and some talking. If not, then you can move on knowing you tried.

[Senior]

thanks so much for all the advice!


(leaving for work no time to type)

[mugsy]

my mom didnt know her dad. when she finally learned his name, she tried a little searching then, but it was the 70's, and there was no internet and everything else was too expensive for her at the time. time passes, and every so often she tried, but never found him.
then a few years back, she found him, he had already passed away, and so she got the numbers of his sisters. she called one of them, and through alot of tears found out that he had searched for her since her mom took her away. my grandma was a bit of a floozy so her name changed alot, and so did where my mom was living. my mom found out she had a half sister, and was stoked, but the half sister didnt want anything to do with her. her dads sister said it was due to jealousy, apparently the dad had never shut up about my mom\would talk about her often.
all this broke my moms heart. we received pictures of him and other family members, and important for me found out where the genetic link was for my blood sugar problems. she regrets not looking harder for him, or sooner. she regrets not saving all the money she could and spending it on a private investigater looking for him.
right now, im loosing my dad, and i'd give anything to know that i wasnt.

[Senior]

wow, so much heart break in this thread. I guess the only advice I can give all of you is to try and find a way that you can learn from it to be a better person in the way you treat the people in your life.

as a little follow up to my story I talked to my step Dad and he's doing pretty good. he's been sober for 5 years and has a decent job. without going into detail he had a few really rough years after I lost touch with him and after so much time had passed was scared to contact us. I'm going to see him in two weeks and honestly it's all a little surreal. it's funny in a way I feel like the weight of the whole World just lifted off my shoulders. I was never sure if I'd ever see him again. anyway thank you all for the advice and sharing your experience.

[galaxie]

^ Good for you!!! :) All the best!

[Dr. Doom]

Senior, when you go to see him, Doom thinks the best thing you could do is give him a big ol' sloppy kiss, then bend over so that he may spilt you in twain with his throbbing horse cock. As a follow up, you may or may not want to slurp your poopy remnants off of his dick. They can make the after fucking father-son make out session a little gross.

[radha]

I remember this lady's two girls, the older was 14 and the young, like 8.

the younger was crying about her dad, who'd just visited her the previous week.

In another case, a 7 yr old girl was talking really funny cos her parents were splitting up. Just rambling.

My best friend gave up her first daughter cos she was young when she had her. When she got in touch with her, the daughter was doing well and had a daughter. But she'd have nothing to do with my friend.

My late best friend, F., was born an Augur but raised by one of the Surrey fire chiefs. He has one alcoholic brother who moved up to the Yukon, a brother in Langley, a daughter who moved on up by marrying someone 15 yrs older than her, a sister in Westbank and relatives in Alberta.

So even though I never experienced a family breakup or adoption, throgh anecdotes provided by my friends, I am aware of this cultural phenomenon.

It's one of the reasons why I avoided getting married, having kids etc.

For me it will always be sex after marriage.