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Jul 24, 07
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digging for information. is it shady?
This thread was sparked by this article I was reading online about a guy who looked up his girlfriend on the internet and found out things about her.. and doesn't know if he should tell her or not.
http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/20...lty_knowledge/ I know someone close to me, who does this and she has at least a few times found herself in a situation where she knows things (or thinks she knows them) about the guy she is dating and then worries or starts to think he's shady because he didn't tell her about it. :notrust: I personally think that it's wrong to do this. Digging for personal or even non personal information about someone, and obviously before they were ready to disclose that information to you... I think that having guilty knowledge about a person is entirely shady and can only cause problems. what do you guys think? are people entitled to what ever information is out there, or is snooping wrong? 
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Jul 24, 07
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I don't know if it's necessarily snooping if someone has information about themselves on the internet that's easily accessible to the public.
Nowadays we all know that we have the means to find out quite a bit about something or someone just by a simple google search. Taking that into account, I think we ourselves need to be personally accountable for the information that we put out there about ourselves. If there's something about yourself that you don't want the public to know about, then don't put it out there, or don't leave a trail.
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Jul 24, 07
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one could argue that looking at the myspace/facebook account of a person you dont know is "digging"
if you're stupid enough to put it on the internet for anyone to find, its hardly snooping. not TELLING someone you knew these things or pretending to act totally surprised is creepy to me though.
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Jul 24, 07
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I can definetly see anything you post on the internet about yourself being fair game.
But what about legal information? One situation with the person I know, is she found out that someone by the same name as the man she was dating was involved in some ring of fraud with cars. So now, she knows that either him, or someone with the same name was involved in that. Causes a moral dillema, cause if its true and she asks about it, then she was being a snoop. But if its not true, he could be offended that she was digging for information. If it's legal issues its public information whether you like it or not. I know there's legal information about myself that is probably publically accessible and if someone I just met or started dating looked it up and asked me about it I'd be pissed.
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Jul 24, 07
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It depends what you want in a relationship. If the person is going to snoop then it's not going to be a healthy long term relationship.
Sometimes a little blind faith is required. Afterall if someone found something stupid I did on the internet when I was 19, and I'm 23 now. It would be a little silly holding it against them. When you know someone for a little while, and they tell you they did a crime when they were younger, it's normally not a problem (I'm talking about petty crimes).
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Jul 24, 07
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well, if youre puttin information out there, its pretty much fair game... knowing that it will be available to strangers, even if youre only puttin it up there for friends and what-not.
However it is a little stalker-ish for ppl to creep onto peoples information and find shit out about them when they dont even really know them (like the guy in the link). Its one thing to read a profile and then start to get to know someone, its another thing to dig for some intimate details and THEN try to get to kno someone not to metion it takes all the fun and excitement out of gettin to kno ppl if you do end up hanging out or whatever... but i suppose thats why the number of stalkers has increased haha
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Jul 24, 07
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thanks for that, rawb. you provide so much insight.
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Jul 24, 07
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The way I see it. Snooping really only creates problems. Whether its undermining trust or just finding out things you really didn't want to know (like where she learned to so that "thing" you like so much)
I would never do it because I prefer to be ignorant to the fact that there might be things she hasn't told me. And that the reasons for not telling me are probably pretty valid. Unless its herpes of course....
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Jul 24, 07
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I think snooping does more harm to the snooper than to the person being snooped(snoopie). I think that the snooper has the right to look what ever they want up on the internet- its on the internet it was PUT there for everyone to see. This is not to say they should, I think its in their best interests NOT to look, but what they do is their own choice.
If the snoopie is not comfortable with information put up on the internet about them then they should take this issue up with the publisher. The snoopie should not be angry at the snooper, but rather at the publisher for publishing defamatory information about them on the internet.
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Jul 24, 07
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Quote:
I, like heffy, would prefer to be completely unaware, if they decide to trust me or not is on them and its not up to me to go looking for dirt on them.
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Jul 24, 07
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if you want to know something ask the person, don't go through their friends for info.....its fucking lame! and if you don't trust them enough to ask them yourself, then why the fuck are you talking to them in the first place??? i often ask myself this question a lot :D
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Jul 24, 07
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 ...but in all seriousness though, i think that digging for info. online is indeed shady & cringe @ the thought of anyone ever doing that to me. sure, i sometimes find myself being curious @ what google will spit out about a friend or whatever. but i still, to this day, have yet to go through with it...'cause if i were to find out something bad, i'd regret it. (...i think that "ignorance is bliss.") & besides, in my experiences, past poor life choices always eventually slip out from the person.
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Jul 24, 07
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I agree with what a lot of people have said about the things that we put out there on th internet for others to view are fair game. I have been "tracked down" by students, and I know others have been "found out" by employers, or potential employers. It's really something one should consider before they hit "post"!
That said, I really believe that you shouldn't go looking for what you don't want to find. When I first moved into my bf's place I told him that I was going out that day and he had all day to delete or throw out anything he didn't want me to find one day, because we were going to be sharing a living space now. Up until that point I wouldn't open drawers I didn't need to be in or snoop around on his computer. I don't think he's an indecent guy by any means, but why go looking for what you don't want to find?
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Jul 24, 07
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haha I googled myself once... found out stuff about myself that I didnt even kno!
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Jul 24, 07
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Really it's all about how you approach them with it. Coming at them like you're accusing them of something is bad. Saying you came across something online and ASKING them for their side / explanation is better. If you come at them with the opinion "You lied to me!" without giving them the benefit of the doubt, you risk them feeling untrusted, which in turn will cause them to not trust you, which can ultimately kill a relationship.
Ask them for their side. If you reserve judgement until after you've heard their side they should appreciate it. SHOULD. Not saying it will happen. People's egos are delicate so you need to handle it delicately. It doesn't take much to say the wrong thing and now you have a trust issue.
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Jul 24, 07
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I've gone looking for trouble before with one of my exes and wasn't very pleased with the results. Digging for something you don't want to see was bad in my experience, and since, I've never gone on a info hunt. I understand the intentions of people doing it though, to be educated of something that may or may be important later on. I think it's a insecurity to "snoop."
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Jul 25, 07
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i guess you do have a point. I'm sure most people post their std's online.... =P Though i do disagree with the self respect thing. I for 1 believe that I am a sufficiently good judge of character to decide who is trustworthy and who is not. If you doubt your ability to judge the character of somone you are getting involved with, so much that you need to resort to using the interet to supersleuth around cyberspace then you totally deserve the out of context, possibly exaggerated, and most likely false and biased information that you will find. I personally don't believe much of what I read on the 'net. Even from somewhat credible sources.. so why would I believe what somone has written about somone else? Go looking for trouble and you will find it. P.S. We don't want to hear about your syphilis :sick:
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Jul 25, 07
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Snooping is bad... In the past I have done it and have it done to me. This is why I don't do it anymore.
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Jul 25, 07
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admin please lock thread.
It's worthless now.
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