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Feb 17, 03
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i never got to say good bye
as most of u know... i have been syaing my life is slowly falling apart for the past few weeks. well now it finally has. I have a billion problem going on, and when i finally thought nothing else could possibly go wrong, my world crumbles to my feet.
I live in a big house, for the past 6 years, i have been living with 7 ppl, my family and my aunt and uncle and their baby girl. We were a big happy family, my fraids all called us the braidy bunch, yeah i know it sounds stupied, but it was true to a certen extent. Well a month ago my aunt left my uncle, it was pretty hard haveing my perfect little world torn out from under me. But everything was going to be ok, i knew i would get through it. I was in vancouver this weekend, and my cell phone rang at 8am this morning. It was my mom telling me to get to the airport and to be on the next flight. I didnt know what the hell was going on, i never fly home. i knew something wasnt right. I finally get home around 1pm and by 1:05 my little perfect world no longer exsisted. My parents told me that my uncle had taken his life last night. I dont know how or any thing else, i'm not sure i really want to know. all i know is that he is gone, and i never got to say good bye. I dont know how to deal wit this. I just want to run away and never look back, but i know that what change n e thing, or do n e good. I just wish i could have said good bye 
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Feb 17, 03
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that is to bad and i am sorry for you haveing to deal with all this.....nothing is ever as it seems and its not your fault.....not alot of people actually get to say good bye and its hard....and don't run away for your family will miss you and so will your friends...........just stick with it for now and if you need to get away then come down and we will try to make you fell better...but for now try to be there for the rest of your family and smile once in a while and if you need to talk i will be here :kimmie:
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Feb 17, 03
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it all comes at once - Crap always comes with company. And as i am sure you knwo there is really nothing anyone can say that will change your sadness. Not only was he your uncle, but someone's son and brother...and you need to all be there for one another. Even the wife that left him will be deeply affected. I ithnk when a relationship is over we all have the thought that maybe we'd be better off dead - sadly that means leaving behind many who have to ask, 'why?' I suspect at some pint you will feel anger at his choice - but i tihnk we all understand that feeling of desperation - and i think that at the very least he is at peace with that now. I know that running awy feels like the best thing to do - but as you can see from your uncle s example, running from problems really creates more - Your family needs you - and that doesn't mean you have to spend every moment with them
I know what it feels like to not get the chance to say good-bye --- but i hope you know that you can still say it and he will hear you. even if you write a letter and send it to the north pole, or burn it It really works well as a catharsis for your emotions Focus on getting through today, worry about tomorrow when it comes though you feel alone you are not do not be afraid or ashamed to reach out - i think it may be time before you are ready to really talk about what happened, and that is natural chin up, and have some chocolate Jingles
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Feb 17, 03
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Awwww Hun.... Sorry to hear that. U know im behind u most of the way, if u ever need someone to talk to: im here, if u ever need that hug... I can give u one ( a phone hug? Yea its possible) Things will work out darlyn, they may not be the same as before but things change.. some are for the good and some for the bad. Im sure ur uncle didnt mean to hurt u . I know he loved u dearly and he still does. He is probably watching over u right now. Protecting u... hes probably kinda like an angel... u know what I mean. *huggles* Love u Vanessa!!!
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Feb 17, 03
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Awwww Vanessa, I'm soo sorry 2 hear that. If there's anything I can do 4 ya, just name it, 2 talk whatever. This has 2 be very hard 2 deal with. Just know you're friends and family love u and we'll be there 4 u whenever u need it myself included.
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Feb 18, 03
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Hey hun, I really wish I could say or do something to make it all ok, but we know that I can't and so instead I'll offer these thoughts. I am proud to be one of your friends, and tho I can't make it better, I can say that I am there for U in any capacity that might ease your burden. Rest assured that there are lots of other people on this board who would do the same.
In terms of saying goodbye, remember that most of us never get the chance to say goodbye to those we love. But I am certain that your uncle loved and cherished you beyond what words could express, and didn't want to cause you any pain. I'm sure, on some level, he said goodbye to you, in some small way, in his thoughts and in his heart. And he knew how much you loved and cared for him, which is probably what you would have told him if you had the chance. So in a way you did get to say goodbye, even though it may not feel like it, just by being his wonderful niece. Once you're ready you can do so in your thoughts and in your heart as well, and whereever his spirit may be, I'm sure he'll hear. I don't know how serious your thoughts of running away are, but try to keep in mind that the rest of your family needs you around, and you likely need them too. Creating another hole in their world would only sadden them; they are also probably the best support you have to help you get through this. I'm sure that soon enough you'll be back in Vancouver again where all your friends, myself included, will be by your side in helping your come to terms with this terrible loss. If you need anything, hun, just call. Until later, know that you're in many peoples thoughts tonight.
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Feb 18, 03
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I'm so sorry to hear about that, girl. I'm sending good vibes and love your way.
My grandfather passed away really suddenly in December(3 weeks before Xmas), so I have a slight idea of how you feel...We're all here for you if you need anything.
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Feb 18, 03
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ITs strange - when my boyfriend was killed i went numb, and after the numbness came intense pain, pain i was scared to let go of because i worried if i stopped feeling the pain over his loss i would be forgetting him -
Now, years later i still feel the pain. i will always feel it - but I will not allow it to rule my life - that is not what he would have wanted, he would have tried to make me feel better to help me be normal if he could have - but he can't and so I must do it for him I want to stress that you will likely never understand why this happened - and you shouldn't expect that in a few short weeks/months that life will magically revert back to being normal - it won't. You have to give yourself a chance to feel the pain, a chance to mourn - emotion is a huge part of what makes us human Give yourself a chance to laugh, don't hate yourself for having happy moments - i think you know in your heart that that is not what your uncle would've have wanted - he would not have wanted to ruin all your happiness Jingles
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Feb 18, 03
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Quote:
On Jan 1st of this year, my step sister died of meningitis while she was travelling in Ireland. I also did not get to say goodbye. This has been an extreamly hard thing to deal with. She was only 23 when she passed away. Lets just say that the pain has still not stopped of her passing but the only thing to do with all of the energy you feel about not being able to bring her back is to remember all of the good times that we had with her. Every time I go home and visit with my parents it is hard. Really hard. But we are all going thru this and we are doing it together. We cry together and we laugh together because we all still have each other an that is very important. Your uncle may not be here any more, but only you yourself can keep him alive in your memories. The one thing that I ask for you to do is not go thru this alone. That is the worst thing that you could possibly do. Surround yourself with family and people who you cherrish. Unexpected things like this happen and all you can do about it is take advantage and spend time with these people while they are all still here.
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Feb 18, 03
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ahh sweety I wish that there was something I could do to make it all just disapear!!! but I can't and neither can you.....It's hard to lose someone close to you expecially in that manner I just want you to know that I am here for you if ou need me!!!! Never hesitat to call no matter what hour of hte night it may be!!!!and if I'm not home call my cell!! (778)773-4858
I'd be happy to hear from you and I hope that things start going better for you!! know that I love you and that my thoughts are with you!!
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Feb 18, 03
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I feel so sorry for you right now. I wish that something like this didn't have to happen to any of my friends. I think to myself that this shouldn't have happened to you. I'm thinking that if this were to have happened to me instead that it would be preferable to it happening to one of my friends. I know how frustrated you are right now. There must be a lot of regret and anger in you about what has gone on. You probably wish you could do something to make it all just go away. I understand how overpowering this frustration is.
I feel even more sorry for your cousin who's only a few years old. She's just lost a huge part of her life. For her, I only hope that the scars that are left in her life will eventually heal. Right now I wish I could just come over to Campbell River and give you a big hug and just make everything be good again in your life. You're a wonderful individual and these sorts of things shouldn't have to happen to you. Just remember, Vanessa that we all love you and we're all here for you.
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Feb 18, 03
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Vanessa, I'm sorry about your loss. I wish I could just give u a hug. Give it some time because thats all you can do. If your up to it, talk about it and dont keep it inside because that'll make it worse.
I hope the best for you and your family. No one deserves this Vanessa, especially you.
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Feb 18, 03
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The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain. -- Richard M. Nixon
There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. -- Source Unknown
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Feb 19, 03
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Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise. - Henry Ward Beecher
I'm sorry. I really wish I could say something better to make things right, to make the pain go away but I don't think anything but time can make that pain disappear. Life isn't so easy on us. I don't think life should be surrounded by so much anger, pain, or sorrow but sometimes that's how it is... but the worst thing you can do right now is for it to defeat you. Do not fall too deeply into the darkness, "grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it" Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. -- Helen Keller
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Feb 26, 03
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Well Hun, I have only met you once, and it was short, but I'm so very sorry for your loss. This must be so hard on you! But don't run away, your family needs you right now. I agree with trying to put a smile on your face once in a while, I know it will probably be one of the hardest things, but it will make everyone feel a little better. You need to stay strong for yourself, and your family, as this horrible time, will soon pass. And you will be able to move on. BIG HUG!!! Sorry again! I can see here, you have many friends who care deeply about you, so use that to your advantage!!! Talk it out when your ready, it will make you feel better!
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