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Mar 21, 03
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Honesty..
Ok I believe in being totally honest with people.. I respect there feelings if there sensitive but sometimes you just gotta slap 'em in the face with the truth. I told my friend the other day the only reason she's in a relationship with her BF is because she's scared of being alone and if it weren't for this fact she wouldn't even be with this guy.. the weirdest thing is she totally agreed with me and she sat there thinking about it for a bit, but she told me she's not going to do anything about this.. ie.. break up with the dude.. I told her she doesn't need to be scared of being alone cause all of her friends are there for her.. what can I do? anyone been through this and got and suggestions? I just want to see my friend happy..
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Mar 21, 03
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Maybe she is still scared of being alone. Maybe she doesn't believe that her friends will be there for her, or in the way she needs them to be.
I don't think there's much you really can do. Her life, her relationship. If she's realized that yes, that is the only reasons she's still with him, then good. It's the first step to leaving him (I would think) Maybe she just needs some to time to really figure things out, and to get the courage to break it off.
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Mar 21, 03
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She prob won't get out of it, no doubt. Friends are awesome, and sure they'll be there for you, but for some, it doesn't give them the kind of attention that makes them feel as validated as they would feel, by a significant other.. (whether they be significant or not)
When you're lonely, that feeling of being needed by somebody can be overpowering. She could break up with him, but she's probably afraid of the post-breakup period where she's not going to have some one by her side to validate her, to need her, to want her, to desire her. Maybe the idea of a relationship appeals to her because it provides her with focused attention to every aspect of her "being" (especially physical). If her bf isn't treating her right and she's in a relationship that makes her unhappy, and does not have the courage to leave him, perhaps it's because she has low self-esteem. You can tell her as many times as you want, to leave him, but the decision's on her, and she might just end up shutting you out for forcing upon her a decision that she obviously does not want to make yet. She probably needs to figure out for herself why she's in the relationship in the first place, and has to realize for herself, that it just isn't worth it. ...make sure she doesn't start denying her own feelings to protect something that she only wants for the comfort of being in a relationsihp. Or something like that.... Last edited by yoko*; Mar 21, 03 at 09:33 PM.
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Mar 22, 03
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It's too bad when people react out of fear.
You should try to get her to realize why she's so scared of being alone. Maybe she has no male role model in her life, or maybe she had no mother, as a child. Or maybe her parents never loved her. Regardless, she wouldn't be so desperate to be in a relationship if she wasn't deprived of this feeling as a child. You should tell her that nobody in the world can make her happy. Not through Love. Not traveling. Not through running away. Not through anything... Except accepting herself for who she is. She is the only one who can truly validate who she is.
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Mar 25, 03
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^ Her parents are divorced and her mom was a very materialistic person which she's passed on to her daughter... I've already had talks with her about how there isn't a way to be truly happy in life unless your happy with yourself.. told her she should chase her dreams and not worry about all the material possesions but.. like Madonna said "I'm just a material girl in a material world" seems to be her motto in life.. plus she alway's had low self-esteem and she proclaims she's someone happy with herself now but alway's puts other people down, so I know she still ain't happy.. I'll just keep talking with her in hopes that one day she will understand or believe what I say.
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Mar 25, 03
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reminds me of one of my friends....and there's not really anything that can be done.....just be there for her so tht when the relationship finnaly does come to and end u can talk to her and maybe she'll take it slow and wont rush into a new relationship
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Mar 25, 03
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if she knows it and still doesn't let go then thats her problem
there isn't much that you can do. unless the guy is like, beating her or something... then do something, but other then that whatever it's funny how some friends wilil say that they will do anythig for you and that they respect you and that they listen to you... and when you dish out serious advice, they poke it with a stick, agree and just stare at it grrrrrrr
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