*Getting over losing someone*

[Breezy]

ok, well I have no where really to turn to, it seems I can’t talk to any of my friends, and this is really starting to build up inside....

Sooo... ya, it’s been a week now since the funeral, and finally setting in that it has actually happened, and it’s hurts like hell to realise that a good friend of mine, one of the few I am really close to, actually took her own life... I wanna think that her soul has been freed from her hidden pain, but I can’t get myself to accept that, such a great loss... and I keep thinking if only I had done something, if only I had known about how she was feeling that I could at least attempt to help her or prevent this. All this time I’ve been without feeling, when all around me all her other friends were all breaking down in tears and I just was blank, they all thought I didn’t care... now it’s just too much to bare, and I hide it all to myself... I’ve been avoiding all my friends [so if any of u've been wondering where the fuk I've been, this explains it]... And I know I’ll never completely get over it, but I need to get on with my own life... something I haven’t been able to do lately... I’ve shut everyone off, been crying way too much until it feels impossible to cry any more, getting into sum pretty nasty fights with my family, and I have no motivation to do anything... I just can’t help but feeling guilty and remembering our last times spent together, I should have noticed something was wrong... I wish she was here so I could get through this, get through it together...... No one around me has any clue but I can’t keep pretending I’m fine because I’m not... I keep wishin this is simply a nightmare I will wake up from...
This is really hard for me to write... props 2 anyone who reads though it all! I just need some inspiring words or advice, if anyone has gone through this as well? If anyone can help~
thanks
~breezy

[Cowboy]

ouch sista...really i can't help all that much...i don't think..
but i too knew someone that offed themselves...when i heard i was shocked...i couldn't believe that he couldve done such a thing...although the situation is slightly different becuz he was a paranoid schizophrenic.....he was bad..thought his own brother was lacing his joints with heroin and shit like that..it wasn't cool...and ended up jumping off his 7th story balcony...
but really there is nothing u can do but realize that NONE of this is ur fault...it was their decision and even if u had been there for them at the time...i doubt this was a spur of the moment thing..suicide isn't something people do to lightly...at least i wouldn't think so...the person obviously had bigger problems that were deep rooted and u could do nothing...ur not a trained professional...and u can't babysit someone everyday...
its natural to think that "what if"..such and such...life is full of what ifs...u gotta learn to roll with the punches....its fine to grieve..but u must live UR life to its fullest and jus make sure u have no regrets....or try not too...besides...maybe this will help u in future engagements with people...maybe now ull cherish friendships a lil more...but jus remember that u are not responsible for other peoples actions....the fact that u knew the person before they ended their life is something u should be thankful for...u will learn something from this...what it is who knows...but u will get on with ur life...if not for u.....for her...

xoxoxoxox
corrie

[c.tard]

hey..sorry 2 hear bout what happened... *big squishy hugz* all this might not help much but it's worth a try?
first off.. don't think it's you're fault! i mean, if you were close to her, you were most likely there for her other times, when she was feeling down and needed someone to talk to... just like she was most likely for you... and now what she's done.. maybe it was all just to much and she couldn't handle it..s o this is how she dealt with it.. either it's not you're fault.. this seems to get to ppl all the time in this situation.. but it helps to realize, that it's not you're fault... you didn't help her... you didn't make her... it was her choice.. and just be happy you got to spend time with her before this happened. i'm sure she was a wonderful person (i didn't know her) and just be happy you got the chance to get to know her. just remember all the good times, altho they may make you cry, it's okie. just remember the good times.. and just don't forget her.. but still.. live you're life.. it's fine to grieve and even just.. totally shut out things for a few days.. get your thoughts straight and what not.. but don't do it for a long time..

i'm sure she wouldn't have wanted 2 see you like this.. so try and cheer up.. if not just for you.. for her...

(i feel bad that i keep refering to her as.. well.. "her" but i don't know her name..sorry..)

i hope you start to feel better soon.. *more squishy hugz*

one mroe thing tho.. y'know how you said.. you were without feelings..and everyone thought u didn't care... don't let that get to you.. you sound like my friend. like at first when something happens....she's just like.. "okay" and she's fine.. maybe not fine.. but it's like.. it hasn't kicked in yet.. it's kinda just liek she's in shock and she doesn't realize it.. but then soon enuff it like..hits her and she gets upset and stuff.. (just thought i'd share that...)

[TiSty~]

*HUGS* hunny. i know what its like to lose a very close friend.
if you ever need someone to talk to, im here for you kay?
Just ICq me kay?

[*addy*]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Don't worry about the whole "I was the only one who didn't cry business." Because everyone reacts differently you know? I'm sure the shock hadn't even set in yet, and I'm sure others realized that as well. A good family friend of ours killed herself last year. It was weird because as kids we had grown up together, then didn't see each other for about 5-6 years. The last time I did, she was in her coffin. Although I felt horrible, I didn't cry either. It's not because I'm heartless, it's not because I didn't care, it's because even though i saw her lying there, and I knew what had happened, I still didn't believe it had.
Like Cowboy said, life is full of "what ifs." everyone says that, but really, it's not your fault. I'm sure it wasn't the "little fight" you had had, or the time you didn't call her back, or any other possible situation that you are thinking of which you wish could alter was what had lead her to do this. I'm sure she thought about it a lot, and realized that killing herself was the only way out. You couldn't have known to do anything differently, don't regret.
I lost someone very close to me. (not by suicide) and to be honest it isn't easy to heal. There aren't any quick fixes. You'll think about the person constantly, cry over her, look at pictures and cry some more. But with time, the pain starts to go away, and you are left with only the fond memories that will last a life time:)

[~lazee_grrl~]

bre...i know getting over sumone after losing them is really hard...take ur time to grieve and get over it..it may take a while...cuz sum people heal faster then others..just be happy that u got to know this friend...and u got to be close to her...don't think of the wut ifs..i know its hard not to think of them cuz i know u would've doen wutever u could to have stopped it but sumtimes things can't be stopped cuz people have their minds set straight..its hard...and its very confusing...after my friend took their own life...i kept thinking that i should have known it..i should've caught the hints..but i was too stupid and too late...but if sumthing is bothering sumone so much that they can't talk to neone or do nething about it to end the pain..then they go to the last resort..or wut they think is the last resort..its hard for us to accept or understand..but i'm guessing all ur friend wanted to do was to flee from all her troubles..as for u..u miss her..u will always remember her and all the good and bad times u've shared..memories are very precious..keep them close to ur heart forever...and u wrote that u've started to to shut everyone outta ur life and getting in arguements and stuff rite?..i knnow wut u mean cuz when sumthing happened...i shut off away from a lot of friends...i clued myself outta everything..my family just kept complaining how i was changing..but they didn't understand wut i was goin thru..its so hard..i thought no one else understood or nething..so i just started pretending to be happy...it worked..i fooled people..i was happy and fine..but it is wrong to express sumthing ur not feeling...it hurts even more when u put on a smile while u wanna curl up into a ball and cry...
well..i've been rambling lots..but really..just go thru it all..think about ur whole friendship with her..every little moment that u remember...smile, cry, do wutever u feel til its all out..cuz eventually...the hurt will go away...but it just takes time..u'll feel better and be able to get back into ur own life...as sumone already wrote...u know she'd want u to be happy and live ur life...and i hope soon that u do feel better about it all and can laugh and stuff at nething u remember...trust me hun...it does get better....if u need to talk..msg me netime ok?..*hugz*~

[starburst]

tears are welling in my eyes just reading your post =*o (
*comforting hug*
that is so sad....i couldn't even imagine the pain your going through.....i know what you mean about not crying....it takes sooo long for things to actually hit me....and realize " hey...this and this really happened!" then like a week later i'll start crying...
i'm very incredibly sorry for you and your friend...there was nothing that you could have done...she made that choice....don't dwell on the thought that if you payed more attention then you might have been able to save her....honestly, i don't think there was anything you could do.....just think she's in a happier place now with all her favourite things, all her favourite memories, everything...even you....you will always have each other no matter what...*big hugs* I don't eally know what to write cause i don't know what your going through...but i can kind of relate, because i have gone through loss before....just in smaller cases...
awww i wish i could give you a big (real) hug...and i wish i could take your pain away...i hate to see anyone in pain...
It's ok to not be motivated...it's a perfectly normal grieving process. (just as long as you don't stay like that forever, i think you'll be ok..) it's expected.... don't shut people out for too long...you should take them in and grieve together, after your finshed (i know you never will be fully finished) They will help you through it....remember, they're going throught the same feelings.
DO NOT feel guilty...arg...i wish i could do something for you....
well, hey, i can give you my icq# 122748467
you can talk to me about nething.....:027: :031:

[Breezy]

Thanx so much u guyz, your replies did help~ it’s nice to know ppl are there 4 me *big hugz*
I know I can’t blame myself, guess I gotta accept the things I can’t change... and move on.. for her sake... cuz I’m sure that’s one thing she thought of before she left... she wouldn’t wanna hurt the people around her... she’s like that, alwayz putting others first.... She’d always try n get my ass back on track.. like when I wuzn’t living @ home, I gave up on skool... jus didn’t care nemore, and my grades slipped below the failing mark... she wuz the one who showed me I had potential.. and my 49% went up to 100% by the end of the year~ I just find that ironic, how she always told me not to give up on life...... I know I can’t dwell on what I coulda done, cuz it probably wouldn’t have erased any of this, but I just wish I coulda helped turn her life around the way she did for me... she wuz such a special friend... but I hope she’s at peace now... and she has left me lots to be thankful for, I don’t think those memories will ever leave me...
and jen.. ya, it does hurt more to pretend to be ok... cuz no one understands how ur really feeling... like my friends thought I was really strong and taking it really well.. but sumtimes the ppl that it seems to hurt the least are really the ones in the most pain, cuz they’re keeping it all to themselves... I feel better now to jus let it out
hey~ corrie, c-tard n lazee_grrl... we all registered the same month n look how many posts u guyz have compared to me! I just noticed that.. a lil off topic... but I want 5/6 stars too!!! hehe

and Addy~ ya, altho I knew she wuz dead, I just hadn’t accepted it.. like I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t wanna believe it... I remember doin the same thing at my nanny (great gramma)’s funeral, and everyone around me wuz really upset, it wuz all too much for me.. and I wuz so young I didn’t even really get the whole concept of dying... But it’s why I hate funerals, like if it were me in the coffin I’d want everyone to celebrate my life, so I’ll try n be strong for them, restrain any emotion.. it’s only when I’m alone when I can think that I can let it hit.. sometimes takes a while to sink in....

I’m sorry to hear that some of u have lost ppl too.. now that I know what it’s like... thanks again u guyz... at least now I can let go a lil.. and if I need to talk I’ll b sure to turn to u guyz~ hopefully soon I’ll b able to move on n b back to my old self again~!
*hugz*
~breezy

[Crunch]

I cried reading that
I've lost a couple people too t he last one was a couple years ago and he was my cousin he was 19or 20 i cant remember but i still remember him he lived in Surrey

He died falling from a big tree at 3 in the morning

It seems im so sad lately but ill get through it for sure

But when you said you didnt cry infront of the other people it showed you were strong and it meant more than that.

Im gonna go get a tissue and wait for my hun to fone me or get on ICQ cause i feel lonely

I hope you feel better