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Sep 23, 01
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The future.
I've recently entered into my grade 12 year of high school, and I feel as if I'm at a strange kind of cross-roads in my life... I want to go to University, there's never been a doubt in my head that I want to continue with my education as long as I can, but where should I go? Where will I get in? What will I be able to afford?
I dread the possibility of staying here, staying in Vancouver, staying *shudder* with my parents, going to UBC... I don't know why, but I can't do that. I have a good life, but it's the same life that I've been living for the past 17 years, and I'm bored. I'm so incredibly bored I want to rip out my hair and scream at the world and do something crazy just so that I'll feel something different. I want to go to Europe, I want to go to a different country and be independant and be with friends and drink and do drugs and do a multitude of things that I will laugh and shake my head at when I'm older and have kids and a family... I want to revel in my independence, my youth, and my health. I want to escape from this place, from these people who constantly surround me, from myself. Does anyone feel this? This knot in your stomach that twists and makes you feel anxious and sometimes even nauseous and just tells you that there's more than this, but at the same time you're afraid of what more there is? Blah, after that rant, I do actually have a question... What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to go to school, if you do? Where do you want to work? Where do you want to travel? Where do you want to live? 
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Sep 23, 01
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oh and yes.. i felt it too last year.. it happens.. it sucks.. but it really isn't nessicary... there is no rush at this point.. do well but don't kill yourself... enjoy your grad year... if you don't want to go to school next year... or just school here... then don't...
maturity seems to be knocking.. and in some ways it is.. but in many ways.. you get to ease through the door.,. not get kicked down the front stairs.
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Sep 23, 01
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i know exactly what u mean man...
i'm currently at this stage where i want to be so many different kinds of me... i don't know WHO i want to be... one minute i'm like "yea i wanna wear this, go here, do this", the next minute i'm like "wait i wanna be this, live here, yaaa" too much outside influence on me... but uhhh, i know where u are... it's shitty looking towards the future... i make a point of crossing bridges when i come to them... or jumping off them for that matter...
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Sep 23, 01
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*COW!*
I think I'm just going to jump in and come close to drowning before I learn to swim... Move to a different city, start university, be living on my own for the first time... Scary, but I can do it. Aah. Now if I can only survive the year...
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Sep 24, 01
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i hate thinking about the future...i'm in gr.12 too..jsut thinking about wut i wanna do or where i wanna go afterwards scares me..i mean...my parents are totally into the post secondary stuff..so i guess i'll be doin that..but i really just wanna get away..i know a year off would be outta the question..cuz then i would never have enuf will power to get back into skooling and stuff..i wanted to travel..or even go to skool elsewhere..just anywhere but here..rite now..i'm just heading straight down a path..i have no idea where its leading..decisions will be made pretty much on the spot and planning ahead won't be done..i hate making decisions~
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Sep 24, 01
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freedom
One thing less then being able to move away is not owning legal bc.id. At this moment I would rather have or own legal bc.id then move away to go to school. I would rather go to UBC then a university in the East. But I want to move away. Away from my family, away from this life. And this summer I can both move away and have legal id. :)
~vesperstina
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Sep 24, 01
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hmmm..that feeliogn of where is life goign...
yeah i know it oh so well.... also in gr 12 ...what's next?...well i could take a year of school and work for a year i have a really cool job and i would get to travel and make really really good money and have room and board...but then wil i wanna go back!?!... see i wanna go to university but i don;t think i wanna right away and i'm afraid that i will never go back to school if i take a break.... so this is my dilema.. i know your pain! whaaaaa!:msPiggy:
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Sep 27, 01
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manik, wow that's so strange ;)
i feel the same way as you.. but i haven't thought about it in too much depth yet.. All I know is that I strongly believe that after highschool, i'll have more oppurtunities than I do now, and there are a couple of steps that have to be taken in order to get "there".. I'm trying to keep my lips sealed tight, have myself some patience, and really work hard for those "oppurtunities".. there are a lot of things I want, even the minor things, (like a cellphone) and in order to have that, there are sacrifices that do have to be made... (like my time, to get a job, and actually buy one) what was that saying? the great wall of china wasn't built in a day? haha. i dunno, but i guess it's a series of steps. a series of bricks that you pile up to build a bridge frpm wherever you are now, towards wherever you want to be ;) I myself had a great oppurtunity to travel this year.. and I realized that I would love to study in Quebec for a while, with a program sponsered by the government which I most-likely will be applying for this spring... I read somewhere, that you wanted to go to quebec or something too? Well there are a lot of oppurtunities like that, to study abroad.. and sometimes if you're lucky as I was, all costs are payed for.. *snicker* Just go out there and do some reasearch, keep your eyes peeled... I can tell you about the bursary program to go to Quebec in more detail if you want. ;) ---------------------- I only have shorterm goals for now, because I'm not so sure about the far future yet... I want to get to university at all costs. I don't care if I go through college first if that's what I have to, but i prefer to go straight to UBC if I can. I guess that would also fulfill my parents expectations of me too, but right now those are mine, not theirs.... I want to study psychology in university, that's my main focus, but that's my idea now, who knows what I will be coming up with later? I want to go back to Quebec. I miss my host family a lot... And I'd love to sit on the terrace some fancy restaurant down in Old Quebec with some friends, on a hot summer's day, then head down to the Festival de nouveau France... Summer is a great time to visit... I would love to stop by toronto on the way to visit some of my friends,and finally see wonderland ;) One day I'm gonna go to Africa ------------------------ good luck, if you want to do it, do everything you can to get there.. (except for stepping on other people) I don't know why I'm so positive and corny today :D but I'm likin it. Last edited by yoko*; Sep 27, 01 at 04:47 PM.
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