Should I tell?

[cityqueen]

This has to be one of the hardest situations I have ever been in! Last night I spent over an hour chatting with my 19 year old cousin, and well, she told me some pretty serious shit! Put it this way....it's bad enough that I think she needs to see a doctor or something, or at least get some medication. Anyways.....of course she told me this because she knows she can trust me, and she needed to vent......but I honestly think I should tell my aunt and uncle (ie her parents). I know that they will help her, regardless of whether or not she wants to be helped. I'm worried that if I don't say anything, things will just get worse, but if I say something to them, she will obviously find out, and probably refuse to talk to me!

So what makes me a better cousin and friend? Saying something, or keeping my mouth shut?

Either way....this sucks. :102:

[Kelster]

hah

well if you're talking bout an std i'd keep my mouth shut and wait till she grows a brain and see's a doctor

[Kazuma]

Honestly I can't really say because I don't know the situation. Different situations call for different actions. If you think she call pull out with your support, then hold up as a friend. If you think something is going to happen if you don't say anything to her parents, then say something.

Sorry I can't help more. =(

[crookedking]

convince her to get the help she needs.

[crackdragon]

If you believe its serious enough that she should seek medical attention, then yes. Rather a living pissed off cousin then a dead one. Besides once she realizes you are just trying to help her out and your worried about her I am sure she wont mind that you told her parents.

[mugsy]

definately if she needs help. that or try being the help she needs, convince her to go\go with her. support her. if its something that can wait for the medicine, try and convince her to do it on her own. theres so many annonymous places to go if shes embarassed.
but when it comes down to it, her health is more important than how cool she thinks you are, and with time she will realize it, and your coolness metre will go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up. so if she shouldnt be waiting to get treated, get her treated.

[mojo]

shes family
tell them

[charly]

going on what it seems like the problem is [i could be way off] i'd tell her parents. don't tell them all the details of everything she told you, but inform them. let them know what's happening. then they can approach her about it, and if she wants to tell them the rest she can. but at least then it's out in the open without totally giving everything away.

[neoh]

She should be adult enough to make decisions for herself and not get her parents involved, and she needs to do the mature thing. Make sure she goes to a doctor, hell - drive her there and wait for her. I think telling her parents will only make matters worse, it will bring tension between all of you, and it will be brought up at all family dinners, I think it would be best for her to decide what's best for herself, sometimes parents dont know everything, and just makes things worse. Coming from personal experience, of course.

[Sasha]

i dont think you should tell her parents...talk to her more tell her to see a doctor becuz that is the smart thing to do...its her buisness....if she can come to you to trust you u should be with her when she goes and if worst comes to worst maybe after she sees the doctor she should tell her parents if its serious
but talk to her more and say she has to go no matter what

[tested01]

telling someone is a good idea, cuase if its serious enough that you feel that you must tell someone then its most likely a good idea to do so.

[Kraig]

I am not sure what the nature of the problem is but it sounds to be like an STD or a similar complication.

If that is the case, she is obviously not only pissed off about it or at the person that passed it on, but embarassed at the same time. For that reason, it's probably not a good idea to talk to her parents just yet.

Instead, go with her to a walk-in clinic and get things look at by a professional. That session is totally confidential and he/she will give you the proper advice to fix things up. From what that doctor tells you and her, that will determine if you should talk to her parents.

Good luck.

[cityqueen]

Thanks for everyone's imput....however even after sleeping on it, I still don't know what to do!

Unfortunately, the problem she is having is not physical, it's mental. Therefore I don't think I can hope that she will take herself to a doctor, and although I would take her myself, she lives in Edmonton....so that makes things a little more difficult!!!

Damm this is a tough call to make!

[mojo]

well if it has anything to do with her possibly endangering herself, you have to tell.
how would you feel if you didnt and something terrible happened?

[cerah]

If she's having suicidal thoughts I think you should definetly try and convince her to see someone and if she's adament in not seeing anyone tell her parents. I had a good friend call an ambulance on me once and at the time I was so pissed off that he did it but after I'd calmed down and talked to the doctor and a shrink they made me go see I did feel better and I'm glad he called them. I guess what I'm saying is she'll get over it and understand you did what you had to because you care a lot for her. It may take some time but she'll realise it. She will be mad at you though but her being alive and mad is a hell of a lot better then being miserable and dead.

[Silverwinged]

Originally Posted by cerah

She will be mad at you though but her being alive and mad is a hell of a lot better then being miserable and dead.

Amen to that.

[.anya]

hmm, i see the reasoning behind cerah's reply, and a lot of others but... no matter what friend it is, or what problem he or she is having, if we have made the terms clear beforehand that i would keep my mouth shut, i will do so. a promise is a promise, and if i've taken the risk of making it, i have no right to go against it. (of couse, if the issue with the girl is suicide, i have really strong views on that topic in general, none of which will make your decision any easier.)

[charly]

like i said in my post, tell her parents about it, but don't tell the details. i assumed it was a mental thing [by the seeing someone or getting medication].

coming from personal experience, it's hard to have your parents know about something like that. obviously since she hasn't told them, she's hiding it. if someone were to do that to me and tell my parents, i'd rather have them just notify my parents that there is a problem, but not spill all the details. they can get her help without knowing all that, and if she hasn't told them yet, she might prefer that.

[Jess_C]

That is definately a tough situation! I went through something similar with my cousin a couple years back. The best way to handle it, if it is what we all think it is, is yeah, take her to the clinic. Don't take her to her regular family doctor, that can be embarassing for any girl (sometimes whatever the case may be). Just be there for her, suggest ways to remedy the problem without getting her parents involved. If she has turned to you, try to keep her trust intact. Of course, if all else fails, and her parents *need* to know, then yes, go for it. I just wouldn't suggest it until you know for sure!