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May 18, 04
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Not really having a relationship with your mom
ok so when i was little... till about i was hmm like 8 or 9 i was really close with my mom... and was sorta obsessed with being around all the time... like i wouldnt want to sleep over anywhere... or go anywhere too far away from her... i always followed her almost everywhere ... and would cry if i couldnt... it was kind of pathetic. and then later i started to hate this because i wanted to leave... i wanted to be away from without being scared or whatever. and i think this made me want to get more distant from her so i wouldnt feel that way. so when i was like 13 or 14 i started not to talk to her much or at all... and always leave the house and never really do much with her.
now i feel like i have no relationship with my mother at all. i see so many girls so close to their moms and can talk to them about everything. my mom is an immigrant from poland... and she's really old fashioned and doesnt really understand anything about being a teenager here.. now. whenever we watch tv and theres like a sex scene she'll flip it and say thats discusting... so its not like i can ever talk about sex or relationships with her. she thinks gay people are discusting and wrong... and im bisexual. she knows i smoke pot but doesnt know anything else about drugs. i lie to her constantly saying im sleepin at a friends house or something when i go to a rave. we never really talk at all about anything. she works most of the day, im not really home much. and when we do talk, we usually fight over stupid shit, and lately its been pretty bad. like screaming .. throwing shit .. leavin the house slammin the door kind of stuff. not long ago today she came upstairs and we got into another huge fight and she spat in my face and she said she's never coming back to this house... have a nice life. so its really fucked... sometimes i wish i wouldnt have to always bullshit her.. and could just tell her im goin to a rave... im having sex... blablabla ... and i cant.. and it really sucks... cause well.. its my MOM and thats what moms are for ugh well sorry for the long rant.. i donno tell me if any of you have the same problem, or anything else i should do. its so hard to talk to her, because she's so straight with everything and just doesnt understand. when i try to explain everything she'll just start screaming and telling me how im wrong. *sigh 
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May 18, 04
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My mom's exactly the same way. I've noticed most European mom's are like that. They think everything you do is disrespectful in some way and can be pretty mean. They’re so caught up in what others will think about them and the family if you don’t turn out to be the perfect little polish chick. They were brought up COMPLETLY different. Nothing you can really do but tuff it out…. I’ve done it for 21 years and just recently we’re getting along.
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May 18, 04
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that's horrible. me and my dad don't talk at all. last year i moved out and only just recently moved back home. even though we live together we never talk. maybe in the last 6 months i've said a dozen words to him, kinda hurts but arguments hurt more. i hope things work out for u.
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May 18, 04
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yeah its tough... cause its only me and her that live together in a little place... and its so brutal. i have my sister but she's already moved out with her boyfriend. and she's the only one i can talk to about everything... and she knows everything about me. im so much closer to her than my mom. but i dont get to see her that much.
and all this shit with my other sister running away from my psycho mother like 4 years ago... theres so much bullshit .. fuck
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May 18, 04
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My advice would be to make plans with her to spend a whole day together, where you don't go out with your friends. Maybe go for a walk, watch a movie (without sex scenes), go to the mall, out for lunch, etc anything that she might wanna do. Do stuff with her that she would like, obviously she's your mom and you can sorta read her personality. Talk to her about things she can relate to, like how her life was when she was your age. What her mom was like. Talk about HER. Be sincere, or else she'll think your up to something. Get to know your mom as a teenager and sorta of see her values in life, that way you can know what to talk to her about and what is something you can't talk to her about. Ask her about how she met your dad and what he did to persuade her into getting married or whatever. Tell her to explain what real love feels like. Get her to open up. If things start to go bad, keep your voice down and change the topic. Avoid any possible arguments. Don't talk about you much, learn about her. Get to know your mom all over again and bring her back to her memories of her younger years and maybe she'll understand some of the things your going through.
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May 18, 04
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I think that this can be a really common problem with teenage girls and their mothers....
My mother and I went through some incredibly trying times together when I was a bratty teenager, but now that I've moved out and grown up a little, our relationship is just amazingly close.
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May 18, 04
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I think we all sort of go through this stage in life where we have no relationship with our moms and we seem a world apart from them. But keep your head up. Me and my mom have the best relationship now and always do stuff together, and i tell her almost everything (almost) I think you need to be honest with her, im sure she's gone through much the same stuff.
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May 18, 04
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exotica... ive already talken to her about alot of that stuff... i know how they got married and why they got divorced... sometimes it seems so hopeless to try and get along with her because the next day she'll just fucking ruin it all with something stupid
i swear she has a split personality. because some days she can be so caring and so nice and then the next... its like shes posessed by the devil.. she'll start throwing shit.. and screaming in my face and acting like a total psycho with the scariest look in her eyes... and im like fuck you need help woman and she'll just be like DONT TEL ME WHAT TO FUCKING DO !!! ILL SHOW YOU HELP !!!
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May 18, 04
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^ why... where is she
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May 18, 04
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....... aw....... im so sorry
*hugs
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May 18, 04
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thanx... I know not all moms are the same. I remember when my sister was a teenager she thought my mom was the devil and my sister would get in the biggest fights with my mom and would leave a for a few days. My mom kicked my sister out of the house many times, put her in group homes, foster homes and the whole sha-bang. But to me my mom was the greatest person alive. She was a saint. The last words my sister said to my mom was on the phone calling my mom a fat cow, and that she wished she was dead. Its been 7 years and my sister is strugeling with the guilt, shes got a drug problem, a sex problem and definitly an attitude problem. I love her none the less. I just can't imagine what she went through when my mom died. So even though your mom seems like the devil, or maybe is a little crazy. Your her daughter and she loves you very much and might even die for you. A mother-daughter bond is the most powerful thing ever. You lived in her body for 9 months, you are part of her and she just wants to protect you the best she knows how.
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May 18, 04
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thats crazy it sounds so much like my sister Caroline... she ran away from here 4 years ago... me and my sister have no idea where she is... but im sure shes happier than she was here ... she was always in foster... group homes whatever... doin alot of drugs
it totally sucks sometimes because i wish i had that bond... but it seems no matter what i do or try i can never get it and she had the guts to call me now... and bitch me out... and she took my antibiotics and said she did because she wanted to kill herself... and im like crying to her telling her she needs help and shes just fucking yelling at me
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May 18, 04
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family councilling...Your mom might need help, if you don't think she go for that kinda of thing, set it up so she thinks going to see councilling was her idea. Try telling her something weird, doesnt necisarily have to be true... just something to use as bait.
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May 18, 04
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yeah i had a councellor a while back... i think im gonna call him up and talk to him first ... and get him to help my mom out... because she has some serious emotional problems
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May 18, 04
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that sucks.....um...... it might sound hard just saying... but dispite each of you and your moms two very different lifestyles... you need to put it aside..... look past all the things you dont like and just focuss on having sum kinda love with her... my mom died a few years back and just beleive me.... dont worry about how she doesnt understand your lifestyle, even if it does annoy...just let her know u love her and and she ll love u back..
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May 18, 04
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i've been having a hard time with this myself lately. i see so many girls with really close relationships with their moms, and it makes me wonder what the hell happened to mine. my mom was raised in a very strict european household, and even though she's not completely like my oma, she's very similar in a lot of ways. i overhear her and my dad talking occassionally about things my oma has done and i sit there and think wow.. she hates this and at the same time doesn't realize she's doing it to her daughters too.
i'm close with my sister, but my mom knows nothing. she doesn't accept things and everything is somehow my fault in her head. i've lied to her so much to avoid these nasty confrontations that i grew up with, that i don't think she even really knows me much at all anymore. of course, not like she even bothers to try and know me. my sister moved out a while ago, so i've been to doing my best to just make things okay in the house. we don't fight often anymore, which is good, but we have nothing close to a good relationship. it's the best i could do, was just ignore what i want and give her the impression of the good daughter that she wants. anyways i'm starting to ramble about my own problems now.. but yeah, you aren't alone this. there isn't much advice i can offer, since i'm trying to deal with it myself. good luck though. counselling could help if she's willing, so good luck.
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May 18, 04
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kat baby i love u, its so hard i kno, i remember me n mom mom use to fight every single day believe it or not, we wud like beat eac other up, we cudnt stand to be around each other, shit just changed this year, im so thankfull, i hope u find that with ur mom, lots of love mwuhahh
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May 18, 04
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this is definately something that alot of young girls go through. it has alot to do with growing up, and even more to do with emtional stabilty. not only are tennage girls facing all sorts of horomones going through their body plus the addition of pms, but so is your mom.
my mom had a very different life growing up then most, her mom wasnt around much, my mom took care of the house. she wishes she had someone there to actually keep her in line, so she has done the reverse to me... but it comes down to understanding that your mom somewhere deep down has your best intrest at heart. im almost 20, and i still lie to my mom sometimes and i hate it, but i do it to refrain from confrentation. i want to move out but due to school and now an incident in the family, i wont be doing that for awhile. whoa, that was a ramble, anyway what im trying to say is, try your best to hang in there. it sound lame, and you dont want to hear it again, but its the best idea. however, it seems like there are more issues in your situation that need to be solved with professional help, and in your posts, it looks like your headed in the right direction. most teenage girls love and hate their mother, but once they move out, a relationship is formed. it even happened for my brother, my mom and him used to get in bad ass fights, then he moved to nova scotia, and now he calls her every sunday night. take care.
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May 18, 04
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Wow... that's rough. I've fought with my Mother on numerous occasions. Gotta love an Ex-Military Father and an Ex-Sailor of a Mom. Anyways, Mam nadzieję ów ty praca rzeczy wyrzucić go twój rodzina i don't zapominać opiekować się kimś sam zarówno.
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May 19, 04
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i know what it feels like, growing up i loved my mom to death still do, when i was nine i was forced to and live with my dad for a couple years only being able to see my mom like once every two months, that hurt alot. I live with my mom again have now for a while, maby a couple years now, but it's alot diffrent, i want to feel close with her the way i once did. The worst part is she was almost killed in a car accident last month and it was all my fault, cause she was dropping me off at a friends house, I came home and no one was home i waited till night went out came home to have found out she was taken away in an ambulance.she had to take a month off work so it's been really hard living here the past month. My mom's alot better now,and back at work, just last week. I don't know what to do the woman i once looked up to and thought was the best person in the world has grown weak and thin and i don't know what to do, other then get a job to help out but even that's been hard. I hav'nt really been able to talk to many people about this..I can't with out knowing i'll break into tears...but I know what it feel's like when you care so much about your mom and it not be perfect.
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May 19, 04
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^^ i know what you mean totally... when i was little i thought my mom was the strongest person in the world... raising me and my 2 sisters alone... and seemed like she always had everything in control
and now i always see her breaking down emotionally and always stressed out... never seems to be able to figure out her problems... she just gets worse when her problems get worse ... and im just like calm down.. try to figure it out... then she goes on a big ramble of all her problems and i just wish she'd get some help from someone
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