I dunno.. Fuck, I just dunno.

[zarlon]

This is what I wrote going back from my bf's house on the bus about five days ago. I seriously think I'm going nuts. It was a bit iffy to post this on here.. But yeah, whatever. I may as well..
I'm just a crazy mother fucker. :x




**************************************** **********

...And it's like,
When I think the sky will break in two, from cause of this stormy weather..
OK, for once.. Write how you THINK, not how you want the world to see you, because the "REAL YOU" is so painfully weak... It always seems that there are a thousand voices pointed in my direction.. staring, laughing.. FUCK i really hate having to take the bus all the way back to somewheres afe [ if only for my mind ] all alone.
It's like it leaves this gap where ANYTHING could happen.. danger is so near. I don't even know why I bother lying anymore.. Lies HURT.. They steal and break.. but it's really not important? Or something. God I feel like such a WHORE in these pants.. theylookedgoodinthestore theylookedgoodinthestore... Why do I look like a hoochie gone wrong [ if it's even possible ] How? :x I gueeesss... We only believe what we want to believe.. And I want to believe I'm dying.. Near death, if not already dead.
FUCK! I just want it to be beautiful and passionate and and - SOMETHING..
I don't have anyone too close.. no-one that knows the REAL me.
Sex scares the shit out of me..
Maybe it's just the fact that I'm so horribly afraid of being left all alone? :x It very well could be.. It's always editing those little parts out before I write them.. Considering who might read.
You. You scare me.. with your perfect eyes and.. and your perfect smile, and the way it suddenly dawns on me, that I would KILL to be like you.. I would kill to be you.
What is this constant preoccupation with being anyone but myself? I'm not quite sure..
But hey, We're all monsters, myself most CERTAINLY included.. I need to go walk.. Change my apparel first.. But walk, and for ONE SECOND, believe I am essential. [ right ] It's not going to work.
My mind is not.. "healthy" enough. I only write to keep myself awake.. mindbodymindbody.. I can't tell where one ends, and the other begins. [ frightening, really. ]
GOD I WANT TO DISSAPEAR.
It's quite alarming [ i guess ] how cdlose at times, I have come to simply killing myself. Snuff out the candle.. The others will move on eventually. [theoretically? ] But what seems like an eternity can only be moments.. If you are in agony. This works both ways.
///expand your horizons
God knows mine are too limited...
[ Movement in hulks of metal make my writing shaky ]
A poet
A writer
"artist"
What, do. your! labels? mean;
Crossing the invisible boundaries the snow has set for itself. And then, something snapped. It is not to be said what, for that is not even quite sure.. Perhaps a gear shifted out of place somewhere... Or a spark melted the wrong smile, take this as a simple demonstration of how the wrong chord can cause chaos among the lines of many armies, and turn something sweet into candy fit for no dog.
I'm taken as a joke.. No matter what I do.. Maybe I should not even try to counter the comments left on my kitchen table.. Along with the apples and... Oh forget it. I am kept around only in preperation for if someone needs HELP.. It's only for their own interest? Here, I can barely feel what I'm saying.. And if it meant anything they might be lucky..
I mean..
I...!! Eyes of flawless diamonds, rimmed with lashes of gold.
I do believe that was once in a dream I had.. Only those dotted buttons were fringed with caked on mud, and that toothless smile rotted minds everywhere.
I just can't take bussinessmen seriously on the bus.
Suitcase,
grim smile,
as if I'm going nowhere and you call all the shots.
Bus transfer flapping aimlessly in the wind.
keep those echoes in a jar for me..
And I will save them for when there are no more words left to speak.
Savour the lies we once told each other with extreme difficulty.
Yes, there are many pages ripped out of this book.. But I don't want to translate them to into glowing words on some stranger's screen.

The world ends when you close your eyes, and no sooner.

[BB_YungYung]

as "Crazy"

in sense what is.. "Normal"

.. You are only on the path of finding your true self.

you are not going crazy.

Beautiful, beauty.. lies only in your eyes. not even. In your soul. What you wear doesn't show who you are COMPLEATLY.. only part of your . how you say. like-ings. your taste. Every one , is different.

Being you can only make you feel beautiful.
if YOU believe you are beautiful, you care less what others think, you worry less, you stress less. It boosts your selfasteam how ever you spell it. you become stronger.


I have been where you are. ... and you when you cry your tears and worries away.. you will find yourself. .


I'm not telling you what's going on.. it's just a thought... as if it matters. only you make it matter

[stabmyhead]

shivers down my spine claire.. i know how you feel..

fuck.. we've pretty much been talking about this for the last bit..

a lot of times i feel like i cant meet the rest of the world. that i dont see things like i should, or what other ppl think i should.. i cant meet these expectations because i wont let myself. i dunno, i would rather not let the rest of the world try and read and understand me, so i'll end it here.

anything else, icq me hun.. wuf ya.

[Rytalin]

woah man.


claire... I will NEVER EVER leave you all alone. I hope you know that. and I think there are a few others here who are with me on that, in that they would never do that to you either.

[BB_YungYung]

Never be Afraid of Being alone..

because there always will be someone there for you. you just don't know it.

but it's also one of my fears girl...