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Nov 24, 04
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The Game, the post-serious days
Ever get that feeling when you meet this girl and you have this sliver in your head that's telling you "Hey Dave... this girl is really cute and smart.... but I give you 2000-to-1 odds that she's unavailable... and even if not, good frikkin luck."
I've met one of those right now. Someone I'd see at work, kinda think "She's pretty cute and seems to know what's up." A couple of things pop in my head. The first thing being that I'm really not interested in a serious relationship with anybody right now. I'm happily broken up from a long (2.5 years) relationship and definately not looking to get right back into it. The second one is that unsurity that seems to creep up on me.... and I realize that more often than not that tends to end the prospect right there regardless of how much I want something to happen, simple property of the self-fulfilling prophecy: If I believe it won't work.... guess what.... It won't. Fate is inexorable. And meefy. In fact, I'm starting to believe that both those words mean the same thing..... annoyingly counterproductive. The confidence gone, the whole concept of being able to "woo" a person is lost. They may think you're cute or whatever (who knows. I honestly think I've gotten less attractive simply for the reason that I haven't had a haircut in like half a year.... mebbe next time I go to Van I should go visit Laura and tell her "Make me look pretty".... she's good at that), but if you lack the confidence, good frikkin luck. And when the shadow of doubt is cast, of course, everything gets meefed up. You lack intelligent/pertinent/witty things to say. When you finally get something, you blurt it out either too loudly or whatever. You fuck it up. More doubt follows, and the vicious cycle perpetuates itself. It's lame. I'm not that worried about it because, honestly, it's not that important an issue to me. I've had sex within the last 2 weeks, so it's not a matter of releasing the sexual tension in my system in general, it's just I've met someone I think is cute and I'd be interested in hanging out with/getting to know better/become friends with... No real sexual pretense aside from that which I consider to be fairly natural (She is cute therefore there is attraction of some sexual nature). Maybe it's just that I'm finding it semi-difficult in this city to find a lot of people who really gel with my personality.... People that listen to the same music, have common interests, and are fun people to hang out with. That's not to say I haven't met anybody like that... I've met a good number of people like that. I don't really know what's meefing me off about this, but there's some kind of uneasy sliver in my mind, like I said... something that's saying "Hey Dave. Meet this person. They have something important for you".... celestine prophecy stuffs and whatnot. Then there's the uneasiness of really not knowing this person... I know she's smart and cute - those are easy ones to figure out - and available wouldn't be too difficult to figure out. But I have this uneasy need to introduce myself to her.... not in the literal sense, but more in the "This is who I am, who are you" way. Am I rambling here? If all you've gotten here so far is "Blah blah blah" feel free to stop reading now. Like I said. I don't know what's so meefy about this situation... I think I'm just nervous about meeting people in a new city. Didn't I just finish doing this in Duncan this summer? Gar. The more annoying thing about it is that I'm also aiming to get back out to Van within the next year or so. Which means any friends I make here are people I'm going to be leaving behind when I get back out to Van and can continue my life out there, this time with a bit more experience and a bit more of a Will to Survive or something like that. But having my foot in the "Van" door is what kept me from meeting much more than about 8 people in Duncan for almost a freaking year. I'm trying to be myself Understand everyone It's a mission and a half. Looking at everyone Trying to learn something But I am getting more confused.... It's hard being cool! Last edited by ebbomega; Nov 24, 04 at 11:03 PM. Reason: better wording 
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Nov 24, 04
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meefy... interesting
so yeah, sounds like your over analyzing and perhaps you should listen to the little voice ( I mean the voice tends not to steer one wrong to often)... maybe just test the waters as friends and even though your not looking for a relationship perhaps it was meant to be. Basically just ask yourself if you think youll regret not getting to know this individual... really you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. meh my 2 cents worth
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Nov 25, 04
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Quote:
When you really wanna impress someone, good luck. The moral of this story, as with the moral of every good story, is to chill the fuck out.
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Nov 25, 04
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Here's the conclusion I'm meandered to just venting around the board for the past hour....
Just do your best at being Super Great (on a scale from 1 to awesome) and the best darned person you can be, and the right people will notice. I know I'm a lucky person in general (lucky or optimistic?) so I get the feeling things'll work out if I just keep working away at making myself a better whatever-the-fuck-it-is-I'm-trying-to-be. I take account of my position far too often. Worry more about the direction, methinks.... That make sense to anybody else?
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Nov 25, 04
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just be yourself man. and be honest with yourself. otherwise it will be reaaaaaal tough to do so for others.
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Nov 25, 04
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btw, why do you have a sliver in your head? lol :)
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Nov 26, 04
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it just shows a healthy mind really. obviously your brain can handle more than what you are putting it through and for that reason you are over thinking. it's not usually a bad thing, as thinking should always be looked high on, but in the case of getting to know people, just put the thinking aside, as sociality (is that even a word?) comes naturally.
all you have to lose in case it doesn't go anywhere (and i mean anywhere) all you'll have lost is some time you probably won't miss, and maybe a bit of an ego stab? oh well, ego wounds heal and calous, and at this stage of life, you still have time to waste. but hey, what do i know? i do the same thing.
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