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Apr 14, 05
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this sucks
so i met this guy and he seemed really interesting..
needless to say we hit it off and were instantly comfortable with each other i told him from the start that i wasn't interested in anything serious because i just got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and i need time to do my own thing without getting caught up in someone else's life. He said that was cool and said that we'd take "baby steps" and i was like ok.. so we're on the same page.. so i thought 2 weeks later he told me that he was falling for me (!???!?!?) he said he knew that i didn't feel the same way and that was ok, there was time.. either way if it worked out or not he said he was grateful to have met me.. said he never thought that he would find these kind of feelings for another again.. that he was about to give up on finding that right person, and if we didn't work out he wasn't going to bother finding love again.. at the time i wasn't too wierded out.. just sat in disbelief looking at myself thinking.. what the hell is so great about me that would make this guy think these things? he hardly even knows me.. and i was kind of caught up in the romantic/sweet things he was telling me. He's a very sweet person who would do anything to make me happy or comfortable..won't ever let me take the bus, makes an effort to get to know my family, won't ever let me pay for anythng even though i try... he's introduced me to all his friends and i've spoken to his family over the phone (they live in singapore) his mosted loved person in the world (grandma) and i share the same b-day and she said (even though she can barely barely speak english) that she was going to call me and wish me happy b-day there were possibilities of me falling in love with him.. the begining feelings were there, but as time went on i began to realize that i was never going to.. i really wanted us to work but my heart is just not in it.. i told him on a couple of days ago that i didn't think that i deserved him because i am not capable of returning the effort and i didn't think it would work out.. it would end up in a mess and he'd end up hating me.. i didn't want him to put anymore effort into me.. it wasn't fair..that i've been falling back into old habbits and spending all my free time with him, and ignoring my own life (thats what i've done for the past 4 years with my ex.. thats why we broke up) .. and that i'm not the type of person to just 'see' someone.. especially if the other person wants more then that cause i just feel obligated to them.. i don't want to hurt them or make them feel neglected.. and that he put a lot of pressure on me when he told me all he wants is to wake up to my face.. that he loved me and if we don't work he's going to give up on relationships.. he pretty much just plopped his heart into my lap and said.. you are now care-taker of this heart.. don't break it. AHHH... basically he managed to make me feel super super guilty about all of it,"what am i to tell my family?.. my grandma most of all?" "i've put in a 100% and it's still not good enough" ...so we've agreed to see each other once a week so i can get my life figured out.. ( i need to get on that big time!) it's been a couple days and i know it's not what i want.. it's just so hard to do this to someone.. i know i'm an awful person to be this way, and to write about this on a message board, but i feel so stuck and stressed, and terribly guilty i'm trying to think of anything i may have done to lead him on in anyway.. or given him the impression that i feel that way towards him.. i don't know.. i just wish that i could dissapear amoungst the mess that i've made of my life so that no one could find me ever again.. wow this is long.. sorry guys.. 
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Apr 14, 05
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Sometimes it's what you don't do that make ppl fall for you.
It's odd but its true. I really don't know what to say about what to do with his 'heart on your lap', but I'd think all you can do is be honest. Casue he is partically guilt tripping you to stay with him, IMO. I uno... I'd say more, but I much rather say it to you on msn, being as I got a call from someone a few days ago............................. Msg me, whenever.
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Apr 14, 05
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as much as it may suck for him, do what you feel is good for you. in all reality, if he is falling for you, he will want you to be happy. and while it'll hurt him a lot, there's obviously no other choice. his guilt tripping you isn't cool tho.
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Apr 14, 05
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thanks guys...
wierd. i just looked at my horoscope for the day.. April, 14/2005 Today's Forecast You've been holding way too much inside of you for way too long. The good news is that it's about to end, and it will happen so unconsciously, you won't have time to feel guilty about it. The Bottom Line All you want to do is sit on the couch. But your list of chores demands attention. In Detail If you weren't already in the mood to let thing out when you woke up this morning, you will be very soon. You've been trying to keep something quiet, even after it obviously had to emerge, and it's been exhausting. Oh, just let it go. Once you release this burden, you'll be able to relax and enjoy yourself. And this is one of those things that really does need to see the light of day, anyway. Creepy...
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Apr 14, 05
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also, my advice comes from someone who has been in his position. having stronger feelings for someone than they have for you, really blows. but you gotta do what YOU need. otherwise you are the one in the bad position, and that's not good either. i still say it's pretty lame of him to guilt trip you about it tho. good luck working through it.
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Apr 14, 05
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hmm...sounds like this guy (nice tho he seems) could be the type that would end up being controlling/possesive/maipulative...which is really not what you need.
this mite sound harsh, but this guy sounds like he could turn into quite the manipulator and althought u might "break his heart" it mite be better for you to steer clear of that situation... i could be wrong, but thats my oppinion
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Apr 14, 05
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it is best to end something like this now, before he invests more feelings into you and gets no return.
it is nice to have someone there, making you feel wanted and neat and stuff, but if you cant return the emotion then you are wasting a lot of time. keep looking. or don't. both options have results.
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Apr 14, 05
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I agree with the horoscope weirdly enough...obviously you have to end this no matter how much it sucks, but it sure would be nice if it happend almost unconcsiously. well...nice for you at least. Do what you have to do and try not to feel too bad about it because you know its the right thing, and as for the posting of your problems, sometimes it makes things clearer for you if you say (write) them out loud and maybe someone having a similar problem will read this post and do the right thing just like you.
good luck Amanda
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Apr 14, 05
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Apr 14, 05
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i've been in his shoes before as well.. and honestly. i would rather be in his shoes then mine.. even though it may hurt more. at least its me getting hurt and not the other person..
thanks guys.. i appreciate it
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Apr 15, 05
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It’s been two weeks and he’s already introducing you to the family and falling in love? He sounds like one of those people who will turn their whole life around just for some female attention. Not to get too Dr Phil on you, but it’s best to avoid these kinds of people. 
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Apr 15, 05
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ya it would be nice if they didn't completely reel you in first eh? haha
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Apr 15, 05
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the fact that your concernd about his feelings is really good. you should be proud of yourself for that.
i agree with the folks who say that this chap is abit too clingy for such a short period of time. ESP since you laid the groundrules early on saying you wanted nothing serious. he should of known better then to unload all the heavy emotional stuff only two weeks into the whole thing. saying that if you" didnt work out hed never look for love again"???....holy crap is that ever a sign of a emotionaly mal-adjusted young man. BUT!...... what if he really is deep in the love with you?. wich could very well be true, and if thats the case then you should be very very careful with this guy. be honest and just make him realize that your not looking for love. and that he wont have any problems finding another lady. wich could be bullshit but at least it will soften the blow for the poor bastard. good luck.
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Apr 15, 05
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next time you see him kick him in the balls.
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Apr 15, 05
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Apr 15, 05
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Apr 15, 05
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been in his exact position with a before. The situtation turned me into an emotional wreck but certainly helped me grow and learn as a person.
I say cut him off. Entirely. no "friends" no "seeing each other" Sounds like he's a co-dependant guy and will probably get all agro on you or turn into a snivelling mess but that's the best course of action. He'll get over it and either learn or latch onto another girl but at least you won't be involved.
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Apr 15, 05
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he says he's seen lots of girls but he can never take them for very long.. they all get on his nerves
as he puts it.. if she can't punch or tie a knot.. she's useless thats why he likes me so much.. well it's more then that too.. but..yeah. he says "girls, they come, they go, i take what i want, i don't give a fuck.. but you, you stay." i've spoken to his roommate and she said that she never liked any of the girls he brought home..she wasn't even going to try to get to know me cause she was sick of all of the bimbos he brought home... but she really likes me.. we've been together for about 3 months now.. and the ignoring thing won't work... ha.. he doesn't deserve that anyways.. he's been so nice to me.. grr i wish he was just a giant asshole and that would make it so much easier..
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