Knowing a loved relative is dying and there isn't anything you can do

[MC Hammered]

I don't think there is a situation more frustrating than this.

[Bitchin]

Yeh, I'd have to agree.

*hugs*

I think I've become to numb to death over the past year for it to affect me tho.
[ppl are starting to think I'm a heartless cunt when it comes to death now....]

Just be there for them winston, Show them the finest time you can for the time being.

:)

[MC Hammered]

It's my grandmother who rasied me as a child.

My mom asked her if she recognized me and my grandmother replied "Of course I do... if I didn't then there wouldn't be any point in living."

I almost lost it right there.

At times I can be totally devoid of emotion but walking into her room at the nursing home was one of the toughest things I have had to do.

[Bitchin]

I went thru that with my Grandfather.

My grandparents raised me until he got sick. Then I stayed in my aunt.

Hardess thing ever was putting in a home, and watching him slowly fade away and not recognising anyone but me.

Saying good-bye was tough, but I was happy to see his pain was gone. Thier well being is far more important then ours. For me it got to the point where I couldnt handle to see him in his condition, fuckin selfish of me. But I was young... I didnt know better.

I know your a strong guy, be there! show the love.. you got lots of it to give to her. :)

G'luck winston. <3

[mugsy]

Originally Posted by MC Hammered

I don't think there is a situation more frustrating than this.

there really isnt.

[charly]

Originally Posted by MC Hammered

I don't think there is a situation more frustrating than this.

i don't think there is either.

i'm going through the same thing with my grandma right now too. it's so hard. especially since i already lost my grandpa, and i never got to say goodbye. being told that she won't see my 20th birthday is one of the hardest things i've ever had to hear.

the only upside to knowing, is having the opportunity to do those last little things you wanted, say the things you wanted.. i guess just have a bit of closure. at the same time, knowing makes everything so much harder.

take care winston <3

[B-Funk]

i agree.

right now things in life have been very tough for me. having all osrts of problems of my own, but as far as family goes i dont think things have been this bad before. its really a trial you have to go through and just keep your head up till the end. make it through.

found out a few months ago my sister(21) has MS. having vision, feeling, and balance problems directly related to MS. my grandma on my mother's side who always seemed like such a powerful figure when i was younger, had a stroke 5 or 6 years ago which put her in a wheel chair. she can talk or walk and all sorts of things. but a few weeks ago she had another big stroke and now she has to be in constant care of a professional. i think the last time my mom went to visit her she didn't know who she was. didn't get a decent response. my other grandma on my dad's side is having some sort of blood circulation problem. she has to take some heavy meds and there is some concern that she could pass away at any time becasue of it. im not too sure of the details, i didn't really want to ask. then there is my aunt, who i think is going nuts. acting crazy and doing these wierd things and making odd remarks during phone calls and i really dont understand why. everyone in the family has notcied just not much has been borught up as of yet.

and then there is my mom who i am watching who is having a horrific time dealing with all this stuff at once. i feel sorry for her. i always get so caught up in my own stuff and then i start to think about everyone else around me and it just isn't a happy time. heh... i meant to make a quick response here but i geuss i kinda got caught up in relating to the topic. but really it is hard to watch people you love suffer, and it is an insult to injury when there is nothing you can do to help but just sit back and take it day by day.

[James]

i know just what you are going through man...its tough.

[gratia]

holy shit...my grampa just died this sat. and it was the same thing. just waiting for him to go. he had like so much cancer all through his body and he got sick sooo fast. it was a real shocker. (read: gratia needs hugz) HUGZ HUGZ and more HUGZ for all you guys dealing with sickness and death of those close to you.

[Goodfellow]

Life is rough sometimes. I had no grandparents left when I turned 17.. talk about brutal. The worst was visiting my grandma in england and she was very ill so we all figured this would be the last time we ever saw her. She obviously knew it too, everytime we tried to walk out of the hospital on the last day she wouldnt stop crying :(

[mugsy]

i watched both my grandparents on my dads side die of cancer. my grandpa passed away within months of being diagnosed - so it was a quick process of him not recognizing me, and easy for me to understand that he was sick and wasnt going to get better, and that he wouldnt be hurt or sick or suffer for long.
my grandma suffered for over 2 years, and i watched her slowly go from the brightest light in every room, to the frail women who passed me her wig to hold while she threw up.
my great grandma never knew who i was. she had alzheimer by the time i was about 5. that was slightly confusing to grow up with.
i never knew my moms dad. when we finally leanred who he was he was dead. but we found the missing genetic link to my blood sugar problems. my grandma we just found out has had numerous small strokes in the back of her brain effecting her direction, balance and memory. at first they thought it was alzheimers. so shes going in for surgery to see if they can reverse any of it. but truely, she was awful to my mom, she has said awful things to me, loosing her would be sad but not really sad.
now im watching my dad slowly die. and this is the first time that any of this has ever truely effected me. it was as if it was easier when i was younger to grasp the idea that people just like everything else - die. it was also probably helpful that my grandparents were old (late 50's and early 60's) or what i felt was old and that was enough justification for death. when my grandma passed it was a reliefe to know she didnt hurt anymore, she didnt have to put up with the shit she had been dealt anymore.
but now, it doesnt make sense. im starting to understand what my dad must have felt when he lost his parents, i cant even grasp what my mom felt when she finally found her dad, but he was already gone. death and illness i think, are some of the hardest things to understand in this world.
love and heartaches come in close second.
anyways, back to my idea of being young, and being able to understand death. it just seemed alot less of a heartache. i still had compassion and sadness, i was just able to accept that these people in my life were sick and would die. but when it happens to someone so close, and i think when it happens around us when we are older, it just gets harder.

[cutienikki]

my grandpa is in the same boat except he lives in winnipeg :( but now apparently he dosent want to live anymore (cuz where he is staying he is being treated like shit) but he askes for me and it kills me cuz i cant just go up and see him....

but im planning to go soon.....

anyways my point is that just try and make their last days on earth as joyfull as u can...therefore spending more time with them, taking them out, or even just sitting there and talking just to make them feel loved and to keep their spirits up :) its a hard thing to do sometimes but it helps

good luck! *hugs*

[nuf_dawg]

when i herd my cousin committed suicide couple years back, felt so depressed:'(. takes time to get over it but he still will be remembered.:)

[nuf_dawg]

good luck winston:)

[Moon]

i'm in the same boat right now... my grandmother is supposedly dying from liver cancer

but shit is fucked up. i dunno if i'm comfortable about sharing this family issue on a public board though

[gratia]

Originally Posted by mugsy

this is the first time that any of this has ever truely effected me. it was as if it was easier when i was younger to grasp the idea that people just like everything else - die. ... back to my idea of being young, and being able to understand death. it just seemed alot less of a heartache. i still had compassion and sadness, i was just able to accept that these people in my life were sick and would die. but when it happens to someone so close, and i think when it happens around us when we are older, it just gets harder.

WOW...this is exactly how i felt about my grampa's death last month. it was soo strange to accept....not hard nessecarily...just strange. like i have had lots of really close relatives die throughout my life, even from cancer.....my grama, my aunt, my sister. but this time it just felt soo different.

[Joanne]

there was this one time when I was at the hospital and one of the patients in the unit was a 'do not resuscitate' patient. everyone knew that he wasn't going to make it.

but when a nurse came running out of the room yelling "SOMEONE CALL THE RT!", as I watch more nurses come in, trying to suck the fluid out of his lungs, giving him oxygen and recording his recording his vitals, the idea that this man could actually die, right then and there, finally hit me.

they kept doing this so that he could survive just long enough for his family to see him and say their goodbyes.

as they walked in, I started to put myself in the family's situation. if I had a family member who was dying, how would I feel, and what would I say?

thinking about it almost brought me to tears.

although the family knew that he was progressively deteriorating, I don't think that knowing this can really prepare themselves well for when death of a loved one finally arises.

I'm sincerely sorry for anyone who has to go through with this...