moving in together...

[<mouse~]

So, my boyfriend goes on this board and is bound to see it... but oh well, i think i need a different perspective

We have been together for about 2 1/2 years, and are moving downtown together at the end of the month.

He feels like I rely on him too much for things to do, and I don't think that is true. But if he thinks that, doesn't it seem like the wrong thing to be moving in together, where we will be spending a lot of time together?

Then again, after being together for that long, it does feel like the right next step to make, otherwise how can things continue to move forward?

We are going to move, because we have both given notice with our current landlords. I guess I just need some advice about how to make it work the best - I don't want it to end with us breaking up because we made the wrong decision or went about it the wrong way.

I'm confused :(

[baby-phat]

Well, when you move in together (since you seem set in this decision) you must find yourself other things to do that don't always involve him. Otherwise it will just make you both feel slightly suffocated. As much as you guys may like to spend time together doing that and living together may prove to have the opposite effect that what you want it to. At least, that is what I have found in my experience living with the S.O. Although some couples can manage to live together really well there is always the relationships that get stiffled (sp?) or end badly due to this.
Bottom line, you both need space and need to be your own person and do your own thing. :) Remember that you are individuals that make up a couple, not just a couple (if you get what I mean).

[robyn]

I lived with someone who was totally dependent on me for things to do once! I ended up packing all his stuff while he was at work one day and leaving it by the door for him to find when he got home because it was CRUSHING MY SOUL.

[BongMan]

cook him dinner and always always have cold beer on hand

[<mouse~]

^^

of course, the ever important male perspective on living together!!

[miss.myra]

Because you have been together for x amount of time and you 'ought' to move together because you figure it's the only way the relationship can progress seems like the wrong kind of thinking in motivating two people to move in together. Some couples can be together for ten years and still not be ready by any means.

Not to say that it can't work, because it definitely can, if you feel you are doing it for all the right reasons. There are a lot of benefits of living together , but it's not always lovely. Suddenly that person you used to miss after you didn't see them for a few days is ALWAYS there, I find that you really forget what it's like to miss that person and crave their presence (and seriously, there's not a whole lot better than seeing that person after you've really MISSED them). Seeing them at their worst in states you may have not seen before can also dull the romance quite a bit. If they snore, get ready for a lot of sleepless nights because you NEVER get used to it. This is not by any means me saying it won't work, but at the same time you definitely need to prepare yourself for these things.

I lived with someone who was financially dependant on me and I was way too emotionally dependant on them for way too long, which was always a burden hanging over our relationship. I really loved all the fun we had, it was nice to have someone to stay in with and play video games, smoke pot, make huge elaborate meals for, etc. I even loved doing his laundry. After some time it really did strain on our relationship, when he moved far away and we only got to see eachother a few times a month at best it actually briefly really improved things.

Anyways, as long as it's a balanced relationship it can work out wonderfully. You really should be certain you're doing this for all the right reasons beforehand.

[Disco_Whore]

[quote=<mouse~]
Then again, after being together for that long, it does feel like the right next step to make, otherwise how can things continue to move forward?QUOTE]

Definitely maintain your own social lives while living together. You're already going to be spending a lot of time with this person, and you will go crazy if that's the only person you ever see.

Relationships don't have to "move forward" all the time, as long as you're both happy with the way things are. Most people i've met who've ended up living together because "it was the next logical step" instead of actually WANTING to ended up hating it. I'm included in that group aswell. Be sure whether this is what you want or not.

Now with that being said, good luck to you, living together can be wonderful!

[Discord]

if you have any second thoughts.. don't do it. me and my boy had a test month. .. its.. diffrent. were going to move in together when i get home. but, if your second guessing it...... i wouldn't

[rawb]

moving in together is a good way to speed up a relationships progression. if you've been together for a while it may be a nice idea, just to get an idea if you guys are compatible as you think.

if it doesn't work out, you probably are better off for knowing sooner than later.

[LLaaUUrrYYn]

Being able to live together successfully shouldnt be a hard thing. My boyfriend and I lived together for a year..but just recently I decided that *I* was depending on him for too much..needing him. So I took back my independence and got my own place. All those little fights we used to have.. have gone away. Our relationship has never been better.

Moving in together is a make it or break it thing.. If it doesnt seem to be working..live apart and see how things go. Hopefully whatever issues you are having now are only tiny speed bumps. Good luck ;D

[Jingles]

Originally Posted by rawb

moving in together is a good way to speed up a relationships progression. if you've been together for a while it may be a nice idea, just to get an idea if you guys are compatible as you think.

if it doesn't work out, you probably are better off for knowing sooner than later.

Big ups for this - I agree...
being in a relationship is about 2 people functioning together as a unit
it is not about two seperate wholes combining to form ONE
no matter what happens
you two are two people
and should persue your likeminded dreams and your own personal ambitions
maybe you should start off with two seperate bedroms and a common living space
If you picture a future together, then I think moving in is a great thing
but no matter how long you have been together, you have to realize there will be issues
and you will need to have some sort of system in place to communicate when those issues come up
and if your man feels you are too dependant right now
talk to him about what you both can do
so that you both feel more comfortable
and go from there

[Kandyapple]

I've had the talk of moving in together a couple times with my bf. But I decided to take a step back, because I am concerned that I may lean on him to much. I haven't even moved out of my mom's house yet, and I don't want to go from a dependent living relationship to another. Not that I don't pay my bills. But my mom still helps me when I slip up.
I need to learn how to live on my own first, with no person to catch me, before I live with someone that cares about me.

That's a different reason then your own. But don't move in together if you think it is the only step to take at this point. If you are worrying about not progressing in your relationship, then maybe you should ask yourself what is happening now that you are no longer satisfied with.
But you should also have a talk about if living together doesn't work out. Some people think that it's all or nothing. like if you can't live together at this point then it's not ment to be. So you should see if moving into your own places again, would hurt the relationship if you find your both not ready yet.

Anyway good luck. :)

[justa~gurl]

Originally Posted by <mouse~

So, my boyfriend goes on this board and is bound to see it... but oh well, i think i need a different perspective

We have been together for about 2 1/2 years, and are moving downtown together at the end of the month.

He feels like I rely on him too much for things to do, and I don't think that is true. But if he thinks that, doesn't it seem like the wrong thing to be moving in together, where we will be spending a lot of time together?

Then again, after being together for that long, it does feel like the right next step to make, otherwise how can things continue to move forward?

We are going to move, because we have both given notice with our current landlords. I guess I just need some advice about how to make it work the best - I don't want it to end with us breaking up because we made the wrong decision or went about it the wrong way.

I'm confused :(

first off..

in perspective.. 2 1/2 years is not that long.. why rush into something so soon?
from personal experience, moving in adds on a lot, A LOT of pressure and issues that you shouldn't really have to deal with quite yet in your relationship

but if your keen on moving in together.. just make sure you keep communicating about everything.. realize that things might not work out so give yourselves a trial run with it right? nothing has to be forever. and it's ok if it's not. If things start to irritate either of you make sure you tell each other right away before it builds up and what not..

and make sure that you are both moving in because you both love each other and seriously want your lives to be combined.. if you are just doing it out of convinence .. i wouldn't advise it if you want your relationship to go smoothly

[<mouse~]

thanks so much to everyone for their advice. I know we are doing it for the right reasons, it's just that I have never lived with an S.O. before - I don't make a habit of a commitment like this! I just needed a bit of advice on how to make it work the best, and I appreciate all of it. I guess we just have to find that balance between who we are together, and who we are as individuals, because too much of either could make it seem like the wrong idea. I'll keep you updated...
But now we have to figure out exactly how we will move out of two places by 1pm, and into the other all in one day. Ugh I hate moving so much... probably another reason why I am really hoping this works out - I have moved 7 times since I moved here from Australia in July 2003!!

[Flip]

Well I've been dating my current woman for a little over a year and we moved in together after about 6 months of being together. It was really soon but we've been happy ever since. I mean we do argue a little more now than we did before living together, but that is to be expected. Be prepared for some tough times but keep in mind that if the person is right for you, then eventually you'll be living together anyways. If you aren't meant to be, then make sure your name is on the lease and tell him not to bother signing it, that your signature would be sufficient. That way if things turn ugly, you can kick his ass to the curb. Even if he starts getting a little bitchy with you, you can always threathen to kick his ass out, that'll keep him in line.

[Ragga_Wh0re]

I bet 50 bucks it lasts 6 months TOPS!

basically what it boils down to your screwed even if you find a hobby,the relationship was doomed from the start so quit denying the inevitable!

[crookedking]

after two and a half years it's aboot Time you two moved in together.