death of a lover

[Discord]

my old boyfriend died a few months ago in a car crash. i hadn't really seen him for a few months before that. but we always seem to run into eachother at least every 4 months or so.

well, he always wanted to go to Ireland, and he always wanted me to get my bridge pierced.

and in a retarded laps of judgment I started to E-mail him a letter with a picture of my new piercing... half way done realizing he wasn't alive anymore.

Its strange.
Even at his wake I didn't believe he was gone.
i've had friends die before, sad as it was I excepted it..
for some reason i just can't "believe" ryans death.

I just keep thinking of him.. lying naked next to me. warm-brushing the dreads from his face.
then lying naked on a cold steel tray the same color as his piercings.....
would they take them out? would they leave them in his face?
Would they leave his crazy hair? would they shave his head?
would they take away everything thing that made him - him..

He never got his first tattoo.. so i got one for him.

meh i'm sure some of you knew him.

[Jingles]

loss of a lover is different than losing anyone else
the connection one has with another in a bond of love and physicality
it is so life affirming
believing that is gone is ...so cold and stark
to think you can never touch again who you usd to touch so often

Sadly, I know all too well this feeling -- he never got to get his first tattoo either
So, I also got it for him -- I will always do things for him becuase he will always be a part of me
as Ryan will always be a part of you
and so now you can do things on his behalf...because now you are lovers in the greater sense of time

[Discord]

:)
Words seem empty in this reply.