The Narrow Path

[ebbomega]

Ever feel like you're coming up to a major cusp in your life and you're not exactly sure how to handle it?

In the next few weeks I have to walk a fine balance... The Narrow Path for those of the Joseph-Campbell-Hero-Quest school of thought... A couple reasons I'm feeling this:

First of all, my girlfriend is moving to town within the next month. Not only is this my first time living with a significant other but it's also her first time living in a city bigger than Victoria... so that's got a lot of stresses and worries in my head... Will she be able to make new friends and meet people outside of my circle of friends? She's not exactly a party person, prefers to stay in rather than go to a club... so that's all tinkering with my thoughts... not to mention the stresses of both of us finding a good place and moving there...

The other thing has to do with my career... For about 4 months I was acting as a trainer within my department at work, and when I sat down with the bosses and told them I can't keep doing it without official recognition from the company they posted for a new trainer opening and gave the job to someone already making a trainer's salary. They tell me the reasoning behind it was that my preparation wasn't good enough. Which leaves me thinking: WTF? So after 4 months of "You're doing a great job", and then I land an interview, BAM I'm ill prepared? Sorry, but somebody lied to me somewhere. Leads me to believe one of two things. Either:
a) It wasn't so much "You're doing a great job" as it was "We think it's great that you're doing our job for us."
or b) They picked one of my weaker qualities to justify them not promoting anybody because the company can't afford to have another fulltime trainer.

Either way it doesn't look like there's much of a future for me at this company. Which means I need to start looking for a new one, because since that happened I have been 0% motivated at work. My supervisor even asked if I'm planning on leaving the company now (usually a good sign, I think, that I should be). Not to mention union collective bargaining is coming through soon and I really want nothing to do with that when that rolls in here... So now I've gotta look for another job - preferably one that pays better than $10/hour and hopefully something outside of the tech support/call center world.

So now comes the long haul wait... the narrow path, where I have to keep myself motivated enough at work not to get fired, keep myself on the up-and-up as far as furthering my career goes, and not to mention I've told myself I want to cut down a shitload on my weed smoking for now, so there's that added "bonus" to these days.

Time to take Dori's advice... Just keep swimming... have faith, all that shaz. I know what I have to do, I just have to keep to it...

But goddamn is it scary.

[mapleleaf4ever]

Strap that Helmet on tight Dave.

I know how you feel.