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Sep 02, 06
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Sep 02, 06
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Pain, depression, and such are as familiar to me as the skytrain breaking down. It wasn’t until I was 26 that I realized that the hurt, confusion, anxiety and such where indicators that I was heading towards a quick, pointless and lonely death. Not just because of the drugs and alcohol, but because of several other major realities. I was surrounding myself with people who didn’t make me happy, or have what I held in esteem. I worked in a job that I didn’t enjoy, and yet took home the frustrations of the kitchen home(usually the bar) everyday with me. I felt massive guilt towards my treatment and relationship with my brother, sister, father and mother as well as one extremely important woman in my life. Two years later I find myself in a life I could have never imagined. Not because its utopia, because sometimes its crazier, and more hectic than ever before. Im dirt poor, in massive dept, in bad health, buried in school and political work, kinda lonely at times. So what’s there to be happy about? Well other than the obvious factors, like Im not being carpet bombed, and not yet being tossed in jail because of security certificates - Im being challenged!! On every level/ 24/7! Im being challenged by my comrades in a revolutionary sense, im being challenged by my instructors and classmates in a artistic sense, im being challenged by my mother in a financial sense (like getting them together!) im being challenged by my father in a "start-focusing-on-your-health-or die of spontaneous combustion-sense" Im being challenged by my brother and sister in "you haven’t been in our lives for years-your going to have to work to get close with us again-sense" and being challenged by my friends, simply in trying not to drift apart sense. A LOT OF CHALLENGE - and challenges that seems more authentic than any fiscal, superficial, and empty sense previous in my life. And amidst the perpetual challenge I’ve come to realize that I’ve always faced such trails and tribulations like most humans do on this planet, only now I was tuned in, far more prepared, and sensitive enough to steer though my life. There is clarity, curiosity, discipline and focus. I’ve always been passionate, but never patient. Historically patience is what distinguished great revolutionaries from the dead forgotten. Since you and I have gotten in our first battle, you've always pegged my as a confident, slightly arrogant, outspoken and intelligent person. I consider all of these survival traits in today’s life. Not in order to be happy, but in order not to shoot oneself in the head when experiencing all the fucking craziness that surrounds us. But its not enough to exist for comfort, because comfort provides no real happiness, because this world we live in isn’t comfortable. Its fucked up, savage, and brutal. Sometimes absorbing some of this, and THEN rising above, brings more sincere happiness. And im not talking about money or bling. Alex, before you assume so, understand this isn’t a "I -told - you - so" but if there was anyone I expected to write this post, it would be you (simply based on previous dialogue) you obviously are a smart, and driven, and confident young man. At the end of the day, perhaps your current feelings are just the world around you, telling you she needs your help in other endeavors. There is no shortage of strong, intelligent young people in this world, but there is a startling shortage of young people pursuing endeavors outside of material wealth and status on this continent. Taking a trip is always a good thing. But if its you trying to push your current feelings away, then it won’t ever work. You need to face up to whatever feeling of dissatisfaction like it’s a police officer ready to bust your skull because you're loitering. You need to spit in its face like its George.W.Bush telling you he's stealing your freedoms for your own good. Be savage with these feeling of angst, and unhappiness. It’s a fucking message, a shout out, a plea, a hoarse scream, and it originates from inside of you. Feeling like a hunger, that will not cannot be sated by mere trinkets or baubles of wealth or reputation or status, rather it needs to be nourished and fed well, with exploration, a shattering of illusions, travel, love, new relationships, experimentation and looking at the strong, intelligent and seasoned face in the mirror and telling him its time for a change, and although change is infinitely the most difficult process in the world, its the most rewarding. Good luck mate- Stay up ez shak
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Sep 02, 06
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first off thanks for all the replies, much appreciated. After alot of contemplation I am not going to leave the continent, that'll change nothing. Geographical escapes don't change who you are. As for quitting my job.. unless something more challenging comes around I think I'll stay. Shak your post made alot of sense to me... I'm always extremely happy when I'm working towards something, whether it be top manager in my company, fitness goals... etc... however when I reach my goals I get complacent and stop caring. I think what I lack in my life is long term goals to work towards. SHort term goals keep me happ for the short term, but once I accomplish them I feel a void.
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Sep 03, 06
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You're probably one of those people who advocate saving the enviroment but litter all the time and drive an H2
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Sep 03, 06
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Some of the stuff you said in your initial post rang a lot of bells for me. About a year ago I was technically comfortable, but mentally I was going nuts.. I hated my emplopers (though I still liked the work), my friendships had gone stale (or at least, I had) and I was just generally miserable. Quit my job. Left the continent for the first time. Visited friends in Japan and Australia.. visited relatives in England.. spent some time in Thailand... went completely broke, borrowed from the rents, halfway starved to death... and came home. Now I feel like my friendships have been refreshed and renewed.. I have a new job with much better management (not to mention much better pay).. and yeah I'm just a lot happier! My main concern these days is avoiding the rut that I found mysef in a year ago. I'm not really sure how to stave that off, but maybe it's by saddling up somewhere down the road and travelling again? Geographical escapes don't change your core character, maybe, but they certainly can teach you a thing or two about life... and sometimes a change of scenery is its own reward. Good luck, regardless
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Sep 03, 06
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I read the guy's post anfd the first thing that came to mind was those Goth kids from South Park. Sitting there complaining about how tortured their souls are, because they have everything they could even need, including a big house and a bigger allowance. I actually do get what he's saying, my point is, if you give a rich man a $20 bill, he throws it on the pile and doesn't think twice about it. But if you give a poor man a $20 bill, it not only makes his day, but it feeds him for a week, so he apreciates the small things in life because he's not used to having them. If you haven't read any of my posts before, I'm a dick. Deal with it. I was making a half joke, half observation, a parody in fact, of how someone is complaining about how his life is sooo great, yet he hates it. I don't blame him for feeling the way he feels, because he can't control that. I honestly hope he "finds himself" or whatever it is he needs to do, and lives happily ever after. But seriously, I'm sure we all know a few people who have been royally screwed by life, who if they heard someone complaining about how great his life is, they would smack him upside the noodle with a struddle. Geez, my first post in 4 years, that doesn't contain the words "anal sex" and "cheerleader", and I get attitude from a gay little horse. p.s. Donkeys ARE gay little horses. Don't kid yourself.
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Sep 03, 06
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gold :)
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