reserved...

[yoko*]

it really sucks sometimes, to be confronted about my reserved ways.. i do get tired of constantly being misunderstood, yet I enjoy spending personal time with a few close people rather than being overly social.. too much social contact, such as large crowds tend to overwhlem me. I was hoping that I had shaken off a large portion of that anti-social me that i used to be, but in reality, i think it's something that I will always carry with me.. i think that it's been part of my personality since I was young, when I used to play all by myself and was perfectly content with it. In fact, my mom would have to make me play with other kids when I didn't want to. hah.

yes, it sucks in many ways yet I cherish it at the same time. I love that I can spend the whole day by myself and be perfectly content.... it just sucks when my resreved ways conflict with the expectations of others... It's hard to be myself, when succeeding means stepping out of my boundaries...

[mojo]

in the however many months ive been on this board, you have seemed to be a very intriging person...i just thought id let you know
be yourself
who else is there to be ?

[kimmay candy]

^ well said! that was intresting!

[bob]

Originally posted by yoko*
It's hard to be myself, when succeeding means stepping out of my boundaries...

success is anything but overcoming yourself. and it sure as hell isn't a retail job.

then again, why do you have boundaries surrounding your life? obviously you may not have the desire to be everything, but doing isn't always being. if part of your life involves meeting the satisfaction of others, then i think the most logical thing for you to do is conform, take the piss, and remember that you aim to please. be whoever you have to be at your 9-5, because you're loyal to the bling bling they feed you and you want to be all that you can be for those who've put trust into you. that doesn't mean you have to acknowledge yourself as who you're working to be. whoever you come home with is still at your discretion.

what i mean is... if "just being yourself" involves pleasing others. then that might involve being someone else in order to please them. obviously that leaves you with 2 choices.

i guess you might also have to ask yourself; are you enough for you...?

schizophrenia works!

[SomeGuy]

I think most people are not self-contained and they rely on others to provide for them in way's they cannot provide for themselves, if you are independant and happy people find it hard to understand. I know a small handfull of people who can go places by themselves, by far the majority needs that social interaction and without succumbing to the social hierarchy you may seem a little strange and keep in mind these people trying to confront you, in there minds, are trying to help. If your not at peace with yourself you need your friends there to hold your hand and distract you from dealing with and learning your innermost secrets, I don't believe you are one of those people. Go out and live life in whatever way makes you happy and never let anyone or anything hold you back. If you want to succeed in business you have to have an alter-ego, Sociable, polite, well-mannered, aggressive, courteous and organized, this is the business world and if you can't survive in this environment then think of a new career.

[yoko*]

Originally posted by bob

whoever you come home with is still at your discretion.

really?..eh heh heh heh... :toasted:

What I mean by stepping out of my boundaries is that I can't be pouty faced, crossing my arms and saying "HEY THIS IS WHO I AM AND I'M NOT WILLING TO CHANGE". I never realized how 'reserved' I was until I realized that every manager I've ever had has in some way confronted me about not being as open as every one else. It's frustrating because I treat customers and co-workers with respect, I do what is expected of me, yet I am confronted by the fact that I don't OPEN UP enough. Is it really such an issue? Perhaps it is but honestly, I just take more time to trust some one but once a person has my respect I'm loyal and true to my word.

But yeah, i do intend on sucking it up for now, cause that's all I can do. If it means that I have to be a total faker, then I'll do it... i'm just not ready to give up now, because i think that no matter what, similar issues will arise again in the future if I don't learn to deal with it now.


Someguy... yeah.. true.. it's frustrating sometimes. It would be nice to be pro-social sometimes and not have "small talk" feel like such a waste of time. I enjoy social people because the ease at which I can carry on a conversation with them, however... i don't always need to be going out partying, I don't feel the need to interact with people whom I don't take interest in... I'm not a social butterfly but it doesn't mean that I don't make the effort when I need to. I understand why they would prefer me to be open, yet at the same it frustrates me that regardless of whether I do my job correctly the fact that I don't 'open up" as much becomes an "issue". I may not approach people the same way that every one else does, but does that mean that I'm not trying? I can't even begin to explain how much it frustrates me..when I always do my job, and when treat people with respect, i sometimes wonder why that just isn't enough...

"choose another career" I work retail and it definately is NOT my career, however I believe that no matter where you go or what you do, social interaction and unwritten rules of courtesy are going to exist and that if I can't deal with it now there's gonna be a helluva lot more things that I won't be able to deal with so i have to learn to just suck it up and deal with it.

thanks for both of your thoughtful replies. i read them thoroughly and open-mindedly.

[vesperstina]

the retail industry about coutesy?
i thought it was about selling stuff.
putting up an image
to be bought by customers alike.
i think it's also really difficult to talk to your managers in retail, and they don't understand human emotions, but human cloth selling.

i don't work retail and i never have, so this is purely from a customer pov. but i have had managers that are customer satisfiers and that's what he/she is like.

i'm pretty darn reserved, and don't talk to people unless i really am genuinely interested in him or her. it really makes friendship special. some people i really want to genuinly interested in but have nothing to say to him/her. other times, i just feel like being by myself, and am content with that. i used to be so independant and want to go everywhere and do everything by myself, and loved it! now i'm so opposit. to get to the end of this, i think if you're ok with being on your own and reserved then that is the way to be. if you're not, then maybe you better sit with yourself a bit longer and see what you are ok with, and a way to improve yourself so you are ok. i think that it is your managers that are not ok with you being you, and you obviously had this 'problem' before. perhaps, yes, like bob and you have said, get out of retail, there's lots of introverted-type of jobs out there!

stina.

[stabmyhead]

That's what sucks with working in retail or anywhere in which you are generally involved with the public - even on your dull days, bad days, 'I want to stab the next person I see that asks me how much something is when the price is right infront of them in big-bold-red-numbers, but that's okay because it's my job to serve these people so I will secretly envision myself running, dragging them by their intestines' kinda days, you STILL have to bear that shit eating grin smile of a customer service associate.

Nowhere does it say you truely have to trust these people you work with, just smile, joke, grin through clenched teeth and bear it. You don't have to like them, you can just pretend, isn't that what getting by in the working world is all about? *snickers* It seems that when it comes to customer based jobs, it's not who you are, but who you can make others believe you are.

Fool them, come home laughing.

[Akeel]

man...whatever...fuck this "your paid to act a certain way" bullshit.
I've had plenty of jobs in plenty places, from being a sandwich artist to a corporate accounts executive and anything you can think of in between.

every employer i have ever had has complemented me on being myself and doing my occupation well....for me thats the bottom line. I'm not gonna kiss someones ass just because i want to sell them something or hold any punches when someone is rude or obnoxious.

hehehe the best such incident was when I chased a guy out of the car rental place i managed...hehe good times ;)

[yoko*]

Originally posted by vesperstina
the retail industry about coutesy?
i thought it was about selling stuff.
putting up an image
to be bought by customers alike.
i think it's also really difficult to talk to your managers in retail, and they don't understand human emotions, but human cloth selling.

i

UGH! THAT'S WHAT I SAID! like gee, i'm meeting my targets can you ask for more? Like my co-worker says "WORKING HERE EATS YOUR SOUL!". I dunno, but my problem is unrelated to whatever industry I work in, apparently it seems that it's my "Reserved" personality that doesn't function for the work-place. I don't necessarily like it, and yeah I do intend on job-hunting again soon, but for now I'm gonna suck it up and prove to myself that I *can* do it. I hate being absolutely fake, but call it a challenge, and I'll take it.

akeel.. haha is a sandwich artist like a fancy word for working in a deli? I love it! I dunno, i understand your "be yourself" philosophy, and i carried that out when I used to work in IGA, where it was more flexible, but now I find that the store I work for is a different "atmosphere"... We get a lot of them high-end customers who expect and are used to exceptional treatment, so that the minute I let some bitchy comment pass through my lips MY ass gets fired.

yeah it's kind of like a snobby upper-middle-class retail store for women.

[Akeel]

Originally posted by yoko*

akeel.. haha is a sandwich artist like a fancy word for working in a deli? I love it! I dunno, i understand your "be yourself" philosophy, and i carried that out when I used to work in IGA, where it was more flexible, but now I find that the store I work for is a different "atmosphere"... We get a lot of them high-end customers who expect and are used to exceptional treatment, so that the minute I let some bitchy comment pass through my lips MY ass gets fired.

yeah it's kind of like a snobby upper-middle-class retail store for women.

dude it was subway! i was in like grade 10 or some shit and thats what the shirt said "sandwich artist" gawd i fuckin hated that job...the free subs were cool, but the boss was a real ass.

I dont think working in any environment constitutes a change in how people relate with each other simply because of the store, their income level, or any other factor. I deal with everyone with the same mutual respect that I recieve. Hell this just happened to me today. Without "naming names" i was involved to dj somewhere as a favour for a friend, i was basically told i could play whatever i wanted for the nite and just have a good time. Anyways "promoter" guy and his "partners" start telling me how they hate "techno" and "nobody listens to techno" and they want me to play hip hop and mainstream. Now I can play those genres as well, but I came out with just my breaks and some prog. house. and when i play top 40/hip hop/mainstream, i do it to get paid; tonite i was out to have fun. so i told "promoter" guy, i was leaving. He then begins a long winded condascending discussion and offers me a bill. Whoopdee doo!! 100 bucks!! fuck off man, i dont need your money, and my time is worth much more than that.

basically what i'm getting at is, i treat everyone with the same level of service i expect to recieve when i shop somewhere or whatever. When i managed a car rental branch, i didnt just have to deal with people that just smashed up their cars, but also had to discuss business with some major rollers in the city. (name drop! :PartEkid: ) like jim pattison, bernie jessel, blah blah...some people treat you with respect, others i wanna punch in the face. I've never hit a customer...but anyone i was "rude" or "disrespectful" too, definately deserved it, and i've never lost a job because of it or money in a business transaction.

Yoko, this makes me want to start working in the business world again...but i hate wearing suits and shaving everyday :P