Dad's Xmas Stocking of Mystery and Intrigue

[Grapes]

This is a yearly tradition that I figured I should finally get around to sharing. If nothing else, maybe someone can offer some previously hidden insight into wtf is going on in my Dad's mind when he chooses items for my stocking.

Submitted for your approval..



Hey it's just what I always wanted! A notebook... with a cartoon cow on the cover... Well whatever, that's not so strange.



Uh well.. yeah.. I like cheese I guess?..



??? I guess once I move into my own place again I might need a light bulb?????



Chocolate Santas are a stocking staple, but these guys creep me the fuck out. I think I'm actually a bit scared to eat them.



Not.. a.. clue. He told me it was an exact replica of the HIV virus, which seemed at least interesting, and then he said "no, it's not really." Well then.



This gift is actually fucking cool. You just jam the end into a tater, break it off, and pump the trigger to shoot a potato pellet 50 feet. Box says "completely harmless".. I have my doubts, I'll get back to you once I've fired one into Jim's eye.



My Dad may be the secular Jewish version of Ned Flanders, but even he knows you gotta "Smile with ya grillz!!!"

[oddmud]

Originally Posted by Grapes

This gift is actually fucking cool. You just jam the end into a tater, break it off, and pump the trigger to shoot a potato pellet 50 feet. Box says "completely harmless".. I have my doubts, I'll get back to you once I've fired one into Jim's eye.

CHOKING HAZARD: completely harmless...

[Carrie]

I wish I had a stocking so I could get crap like this!

All my gifts are useful.

[Grapes]

Aww I'll give you useless crap carrie.

I could always just regift all of these to you.

Except the grillz. Theys mine

[ebbomega]

It's always been a family tradition that we always have toothbrushes in our stockings.

Do you have a sister? The HIV ball and potato gun are excellent sister-torture toys.

/me misses his sister, but she's all married and settled down on the other side of the continent now so I don't get to be a bratty little brother anymore.

Can't wait to spoil nieces/nephews though. I'm so gonna be the uncle that their parents warn them about.

[Grapes]

Lol pretty much following in Frosty's footsteps then.

No sisters. One female cousin but she's RCMP, I don't think I'm fucking with her anytime soon.

[MC Hammered]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

Can't wait to spoil nieces/nephews though. I'm so gonna be the uncle that their parents warn them about.

I'm already a good way to being 'Uncle Buck' to my 2 nephews.

Already taught them if you don't know the answer to a question just answer with "If you don't know I can't tell you"

Drove my sister nuts!

[Veni*C]

your dad is awesome. end of thread.

ps. can i be there when you shoot jim with the potato gun???

[cubed]

^I'm putting a snowball in the freezer beside Dave's with your name on it now too.

[lildonkey]

Originally Posted by Grapes

Not.. a.. clue. He told me it was an exact replica of the HIV virus, which seemed at least interesting, and then he said "no, it's not really." Well then.

Maybe your dad is trying to tell you something

[lildonkey]

Originally Posted by Grapes

No sisters. One female cousin but she's RCMP, I don't think I'm fucking with her anytime soon.

Don't let my thread discourage you, princess

[Grapes]

Why does the Santas package say "Rohan" on it???

[ebbomega]

Because Santa's Reindeer moonlight as horses for the Rohirrim?

[Grapes]

Originally Posted by Grapes

Chocolate Santas are a stocking staple, but these guys creep me the fuck out. I think I'm actually a bit scared to eat them.

They're not so big now.

[gnosis]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

Can't wait to spoil nieces/nephews though. I'm so gonna be the uncle that their parents warn them about.

To be a proper Evil Long-Distance Uncle, you should do the following:

-kids 2-4yrs: toys of noise. Anything that doesn't require batteries. (xylophone, whistles, drums, tambourines, etc)
- kids 4 - 7: toys of a bazillion pieces. Make sure your sis will be stepping on li'l plastic bits.
- confetti. Place in all b-day cards. After a couple of years when they figure it out, load up the insides of any clothing before you wrap it.
- triple wrap all gifts. Hermtically seal all flaps and seams w/ massive amounts of tape.
- disguise gifts. Get larger boxes, pad w/ plastic bags and weigh down w/ cans of soup in order to throw them off.

When your sis calls to rag on you, laugh loudly and heartily.

Frosty
(experienced Evil Long-Distance Uncle)