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Sep 25, 03
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Interesting article I found...just wanted to share with ya'll
I like being touched. I mean I really like being touched. Throw E into the picture and I really need to be touched. I need to be touched so badly that my skin starts talking to me and begging me to find a kind soul to caress it’s tingling surface. Or at least that’s what I think that it is doing. I feel my skin almost dancing to the beat of the music, walking around the club and the DJ is playing a set just for me and my skin. Staring out into a crowd of nameless strangers and countless friends feeling so far from alone and wanting nothing but that feeling of release.
Release, that becomes my mission. A mission to search out new life, to explore new worlds and to boldly go where no one has gone before. To constantly build all my senses and to saturate myself with feeling and emotion. To feel everything that I can possibly feel and touch everything that I can possibly touch. A fascination that leads to obsession. All from one little pill that has all the magic and power of a atom bomb and all the compassion and caring of Mother Theresa, all packed into a fine powder and pressed into a tablet. My fascination began with an ideal, an ideal that I could feel things I have never felt before and that all my senses would be exaggerated to the point of euphoria. Intensified by the thought of self-discovery and enlightenment. At what price does all this come at? Would I push myself too far? Would I want too much of the unobtainable? Would I heal? The idea of healing myself, the idea of realizing all of those things that I knew I held back and that I knew I restrained in myself for fear of ruin. The idea of becoming a sexual being, when sexuality was so unspoken and had no words to describe itself to me. I realized what had happened and had taken the time to reflect on what I had experienced. What a strong willingness to learn from and experience anything that may happen. Taking all that information and recalling it with perfect clarity. How sensual, how comforting and how eye opening. There was no space between spirit, mind and body. I was whole. The idea of healing was overwhelming, and the idea of sexual healing was astounding. When you become so accustomed to a way of life and process of thought, enlightenment can be scary at best. Time was irrelevant, hours had passed and I had no idea what time it was and I didn’t care. The only basis for time was the fact that the music had stopped and all my new friends were dispersing. Why were they leaving me? That’s not fair, oh well, what to do now?. I began to think of all the daily tasks I do and what they would feel like right now. A bath, driving, sleeping, eating and sex. Sex, what would sex feel like right now…? With all my senses exaggerated and all my feelings and emotions overflowing, I began to imagine how wonderful having sex would be. Being able to let go, release and not hold back all those things that we normally hold back. To feel all of those things intensified, to feel every last little inch of your body in ecstasy. It all seems so perfect. With sex most of us feel ashamed, cautious and deliberate. All of those negative feelings, paranoia’s and stresses about sex are gone. Common sense is there, respect in new forms is there too. In a day and age where we don’t respect our bodies our partners or ourselves. It is a tool to push people in the direction of healing, remembering what E is and what it can be used for. Why use it for dancing to the point of exhaustion, or for being one of the masses. Instead using it for healing, for growing, for feeling and learning. 
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Sep 25, 03
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yeah, I remember my first really proper MDMA experience too.
pretty damn cool. Just remember... all that's doing that is alot of seretonin and a good vibe. good energy leads to more seretonin release. so does stuff like good music, artistic output, being around good people (and/or having sex with them), dancing, meditation, even the way you act. Everyone has their optimal pattern layed out for them, and the more you realize what that pattern is and how it's you, the more good energy you'll create and the less time you'll spend outside this state of.. er.. ecstacy. ever find that dancing in a certain way makes you feel alot better than dancing in another way? that's how EVERYTHING works. like binary. either this makes me (or will make me) feel GOOD or BAD. better or worse. its what we base every decision on that we make in our entire life.
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Sep 25, 03
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Quote:
MDMA is the best under the right certcumstances, i just dont like the emotional problems it leaves me with after the high has faded.
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