Best insult you've ever dished out

What's the best insult you've ever dished out (or the best insult you're too chicken to dish out / never had the opportunity to dish out):

Here's a few to get things started:

- Your the load your mother should've swallowed
- Cumdumster
- You're about as worthless as the piece of corn in my shit

[Bitchin]

Originally Posted by Bitchin

Pat... she's of age.. she's to old for you.

on fnk atleast.. for now... or for what I can think of.

Tho I'm quite positve I've said way better things.

Hahaha I found this one a while back off of DOA. it's some British wanker:

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As
they say in Texas. I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with
instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same
species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you.

You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive
its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to
fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink
shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid,
nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important
statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meat slapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are
deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

[this part here cracks me up... What does this mean???] :

You smarmy lager lout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oink artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted
fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are
degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard
stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some
primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known that this was your case then I
would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.:
You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim,
unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.

(yes, I'm done now)

[~god~]

grade 4.
There was this fat bitch who everyone hated. she started pissing me off so i said:

"Hey Tabatha, we're playing a game called IM NOT FAT.. and you can't play!"

the teacher called my parents :(

[~god~]

that cunt!

[Bitchin]

Err... wait.. I know something that meats my last one.

When marty and I sit there n shit talk ppl to their face.
hahaha

I hate fat ppl.

[DefJef]

Heres a good cold one - " Fuck off and DIE! "

Hehehe.. heard about this one while I was doing customer service. It requires a bit of an explanation. Sparing the details; there is a customer say mid 30's with his mother. He is being a pain in the ass about something, so employee says to customer, IN FRONT of customers withered old mother.

"You're the best looking thing that ever slithered down your mothers leg."

I cant remember exactly, it was a whle ago.. .but MY FUCK!!!! did I ever laugh my ass off.

"You're the best looking thing that ever slithered down your mothers leg."

I've heard a variation on that one. goes something like this:

You should've been the nastie that slithered down your moms leg

- You're the reason I believe in abortion.
- If my dog looked like you, I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards

[mapleleaf4ever]

"Looks like someone fell head first into the shallow end of the Gene Pool..."

[Silverwinged]

"you are a waste of skin and good oxygen"

[mapleleaf4ever]

"The only thing you've been able to master is fucking up... now please quit practicing!"

[crookedking]

when i was fourteen or fifteen i was at park royal with my brother. we had just finished eating and i decided to lean back in my chair.

the chair slipped and i landed on my ass. to make matters worse there was a group of old people drinking their seniors discount coffee...they laughed. THEY LAUGHED AT ME!

so in a loud voice i said, "at least i still have my youth." that shut them up.

[.o0*HaLo*0o.]

"You suck at life"

[hardstylin]

i was at the out door hockey rink and these 2 little kids where mouthing each other off they were probly 7 or 8 years old. The one kid looked like a skater type and the other kid looked and sounded like a nerdy type. the nerdy kids like " Your a legume" skater kid " what the fucks a legume" nerdy kid " legume is french for vegtable"
skater kid " Well your a FAGGET"

[tvmann]

I was gassing up at a station in downtown Vancouver (Burrard & Davie?). When I first got there, there were no other cars, not busy. So I'm filling the tank, and some more cars drive in.

This big car parks behind mine and I guess the guy was in a hurry cuz he starts honking his horn and tells me to hurry up.

So I went over and said "Mister, there's no way I'm gonna hurry up for some fat guy in a Cadillac!"

He was pissed! I probably shouldn't have said that, but he kinda deserved it.