scotts poemy thing (please comment)

[zombie scotty]

“I have nothing to gain, and nothing to lose. Your touch, your kiss, your love, your life, everything they meant to me in days gone by have been blown away, like autumn leaves on a gusty day. The fire in our eyes has long burnt out, to be replaced by an emotionless void. Maybe I will feel some sorrow for what I have been forced to do. Maybe I won’t. Not that it matters anymore. The deed shall be done and maybe, just maybe, I shall find the peace, for which I have searched for so very long. Whether we live or die, it means nothing in the long run. Goodbye…”

[Ragga_Wh0re]

this piece is boring.
back to the drawing board,use more descriptive words that will grab your readers by the balls and make fuckass at thier faces.I also suggest chopping it up into clusters of stanzas as opposed to some big ass poorly punctuated paragraph.

In hopes that i dont sound like a total cunt, WHICH IS NOT WHAT IM AIMING FOR...this piece is at about a grade 8 writing level.

Put a little bit more thought and effort into the feelings you are trying to articulate,i think you could do your feelings better justice...no?!

good luck.

[zombie scotty]

thanks goddesa, i'll take your ideas onboard!

[TheCooker]

I don't find it boring, however it is very sobbering