The Perfect Roommate?

[Gusto]

http://www.golding.ca/maggie/documents/roommate.htm
$300 - Two bedroom share
Reply to: mailto:[email protected]?subject=$300 - Two bedroom share
Date: 2005-04-04, 1:20AM PDT


Hello, I am seeking out a roommate. I've had several the past three months that did not work out so well and am hoping to find "the perfect housemate." I think it can be done!

1) I am a plastic surgeon, single straight male, and am wealthy but rather lonely. I could keep this house to myself, and have for about a year, but I've realized that life is much better when it's shared with people who are conscious (as opposed to my clients and my nursing staff!). (This is not to say that my nursing staff is unconscious -- obviously they are not! It's just very difficult to become friends with a staff that is somewhat dubious of my methods. I'm no rogue, but I do have Eastern-influenced techniques that some find odd and/or disconcerting -- but I do have a 99% success rate! In any case, it doesn't make much sense to mix business and pleasure.)

2) I do have a dog, Basil Ironweed (yes that is his name, people seem to be confused that I have given him a full name like a person and some kind of laugh, but I assure you I take my dog very seriously and treat him with respect, and I ask that you do the same). It would actually be ideal if you have a female dog of pure pedigree (I'd need to see the papers though, for breeding purposes) and I'd prefer her to be a medium-sized dog (I will consider most breeds except absolutely no Austrailian Kelpies and no American Water Spaniels, please! The coloring of the mating dogs' possible kin would be horrendous if this were the case! Also, Basil is a Border Collie in case you were wondering!) If you do not have a dog, that is also fine. All other pets will be considered except: no cats unless they are of the outdoor variety, no arthropods, and all avians must be salmonella-free, clipped toenails, and tagged.

3) My house has only a one-car garage. It used to be a two-car one, but I decided to convert half of it into a micro-personal gym as I am rather health conscious. (I do have a gym membership, but my gym is not 24-hour, and sometimes at night I really need to get on the bowflex to burn off some of my energy since I have a lot of it! Also, after meals it's inconvenient for me to run off to the gym, and that is why I need one at my disposal. The gym membership is because they have a pool there, and swimming is really good for the joints. Just in case you were wondering.) That said, you'll have to use street parking, but I assure you that my neighborhood is quiet and safe, and there is usually a spot right out in front of my house! (The only time the spot is taken is when the lunch truck comes for the construction workers that are on the corner of my street. It only sits there for about 20 minutes between 1 and 2 pm during the week, depending on how chatty the boys are that day.)

Anyways, I have a few rules that need to be followed, but other than that, we should get along fine!

a) I request that you listen to all music via headphones. I have mild tinnitus and the sounds from most Hi-Fi equipment sans headphones really irriates me. I am open to discussing music, but sadly we cannot directly share it as my ears can't handle rapidly changing frequencies. (If you'd like to share lyrics, I'd be more than delighted to oblige!)

b) If you are going to cook, please do not use the following spices: curries, paprika, anything Cajun, and dill. The smells of these things turns my stomach. (If you have any scents that you'd like to avoid, by all means let me know and I'll do you the same honor.)

c) You must brush your teeth at least twice a day. If there is anything I cannot stand it's filthy teeth. (Believe me, I've had a couple roommates who just could not handle this simple routine -- your gingiva may not mind, but I certainly DO.)

d) If you are going to watch TV, please let me know in advance which programs you'd like to watch. I do have TiVo, by the by, and I have certain shows that I simply must watch when they originally air. I cannot be too flexible with this because I cannot stand to wait to see my programs. You have to understand that I simply have to watch them when they originally air or I will get a little batty. Most of my programs are on public broadcasting and do not tend to run during prime-time spots.

e) I do not appreciate unannounced house-guests. I need to know at least two days in advance that company is coming -- I need to know the duration of the stay, and the nature of the visit. But, I am open to any and all visitors, I just need to know the specifics involved.

f) I have reduced rent drastically because I realize that some of my requests might seem slightly stringent. I will pay the bulk of the rent in exchange for your understanding, your committment to the house, and your humoring of my quirks.

g) You must be ok with my upholstery hobby. On every third-Tuesday of the month I request that you vacate the house between the hours of 4 pm - 11:45 pm while I upholster various pieces of antique furniture. I am a perfectionist and require complete silence in the house. I've tried this with housemates who've promised to stay in their rooms, but this proved impossible as bathroom habits demand a regular schedule that interrupts my artisan work. That said, I will give you a small stipend on these days if it will assist you in finding something to do with that block of time.

h) No newspapers or magazines. The ink gets everywhere and the gloss irritates my eyes. Sorry! You are free to read them on the front porch, but they must be stored outside of the house (perhaps in your car?)

i) This is not to sound discriminating, but, if you speak either French, Urdu, or Afrikaans, I kindly request that you not speak them in my vicinity as the cadences used in these languages are grating to the ears and nerves, for me.

j) I have fresh produce delivered from an undisclosed location to my home every Wednesday afternoon. Please do not purchase fruits or vegetables and bring them home. You can request any that you desire and I will add them to my order queue. (I am fastidious about potential-GM produce and pesticide usage -- I will not tolerate either!) Also, if you insist on preparing red meat dishes in the home, do cook the meat thoroughly. IT MUST SIZZLE.

k) No cellphone tones in my home! Please use silent mode only!

l) You are not to use paints in the home. The noxious odors will aggravate my allergies!


That's the summary of my requests! I do actually have a handbook which I will provide for your perusal during our interview (yes, there will be an interview for final-stage candidates) that outlines all of my more particular requests.

If you are interested, please email me the following information:

1) Name

2) Occupation

3) Age

4) Allergies

5) Favorite author


Cheers!




Charleville Blvd. at S. Doheny Dr. google map yahoo map


* yes -- dogs are OK - wooof
* this is in or around Beverly Hills
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


66810688

[baby-phat]

hahahaha.. omg, this guy sounds totally anal and allergic to or annoyed by almost everything!

[dapimpstress]

*giggle*
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL *giggle*

this guy should OBVIOUSLY live ALONE~!

[veN]

Gusto, you either have no job, or a really slack/boring job involving computer access? How else would you dig up all this random stuff, honestly...? Where do you go on the internet? Lol. But please, keep it coming! =)

This guy sounds like the biggest case... Man.
(The guy seeking the "perfect roomate", not you)

[Gusto]

Originally Posted by Nev

Gusto, you either have no job, or a really slack/boring job involving computer access? How else would you dig up all this random stuff. Honestly... where do you go on the internet? Lol. But please, keep it coming! =)

This guy sounds like the biggest case... Man.

well i'm a systems admin, so i'm working on computers all day, but i don't dig this stuff up by myself. check out metafilter.com, new links daily, along with semi-intelligent discussion about them.

[veN]

^ Ahh... You could have taken the credit tho! I would have thought you champion random webstuff guy. Yes, that's an official title. Lol. =)

[Bitchin]

I almost wanna move in just fuck with his head.. haha.

I'd through a massive house party too.. muahahaha :kam:
like the DA house ones ;)

[Gusto]

Originally Posted by Nev

^ Ahh... You could have taken the credit tho! I would have thought you champion random webstuff guy. Yes, that's an official title. Lol. =)

you mean no life loser? no, i'll let someone else claim that title. ;)

[dapimpstress]

Originally Posted by gusto

you mean no life loser? no, i'll let someone else claim that title. ;)

what u talkin, ryan's the coolest thing since cracked eggshells!

[Gusto]

Originally Posted by Ashes

what u talkin, ryan's the coolest thing since cracked eggshells!

why are you quoting me? i already know that.

[dapimpstress]

Originally Posted by gusto

why are you quoting me? i already know that.

i was just posting for the FUCK of it.

[veN]

Originally Posted by gusto

you mean no life loser? no, i'll let someone else claim that title. ;)

Haha... Not what I was saying at all, but OK. More like quirky sense of humor guy, which is damn cool in my books.

[LeeBrat]

hahahahaha, omg, thats great, just imagine....that guy has some issues

[Gusto]

haha, i know. regardless, i didn't find them myself. :)

[Sniper]

I'd aply just to see how long iot would take for me to drive the guy insane...lol......he sounds like the most anal person I've ever heard about

[sNyx]

Originally Posted by Two bedroom share

..single straight male..

well, you sure won't find another to share in your anal house rules. now, if you were to open to all likes of male, you'll probably hit the spot! =)

[Sniper]

...but I do have a 99% success rate!...

I'd hate to be in that 1% of failure.

[cubed]

Replace "roomate" with "sad internet camgirl" and it's gusto's personal ad in this weeks straight.

[Gusto]

replace anything gusto posts with something to do with gusto and a sad girl and you have cubed's joke of the day, haha.

[cubed]

it's ok gusto, we'll find her.

ps - laughing at your own post only belongs on fatkats.


now how bout that hug?

[Gusto]

i laugh at my own posts so that people know its a joke. i come across pretty dry sometimes. hugs.

[Jen-E-03]

Bwahahahah that guy will NEVER find a roomie

[ebbomega]

He didn't mention anything about weed smoking....

I think I'm a shoe-in!

[lou_belle]

Originally Posted by gusto

http://www.golding.ca/maggie/documents/roommate.htm
$300 - Two bedroom share
Reply to: mailto:[email protected]?subject=$300 - Two bedroom share
Date: 2005-04-04, 1:20AM PDT


Hello, I am seeking out a roommate. I've had several the past three months that did not work out so well and am hoping to find "the perfect housemate." I think it can be done!

1) I am a plastic surgeon, single straight male, and am wealthy but rather lonely. I could keep this house to myself, and have for about a year, but I've realized that life is much better when it's shared with people who are conscious (as opposed to my clients and my nursing staff!). (This is not to say that my nursing staff is unconscious -- obviously they are not! It's just very difficult to become friends with a staff that is somewhat dubious of my methods. I'm no rogue, but I do have Eastern-influenced techniques that some find odd and/or disconcerting -- but I do have a 99% success rate! In any case, it doesn't make much sense to mix business and pleasure.)

2) I do have a dog, Basil Ironweed (yes that is his name, people seem to be confused that I have given him a full name like a person and some kind of laugh, but I assure you I take my dog very seriously and treat him with respect, and I ask that you do the same). It would actually be ideal if you have a female dog of pure pedigree (I'd need to see the papers though, for breeding purposes) and I'd prefer her to be a medium-sized dog (I will consider most breeds except absolutely no Austrailian Kelpies and no American Water Spaniels, please! The coloring of the mating dogs' possible kin would be horrendous if this were the case! Also, Basil is a Border Collie in case you were wondering!) If you do not have a dog, that is also fine. All other pets will be considered except: no cats unless they are of the outdoor variety, no arthropods, and all avians must be salmonella-free, clipped toenails, and tagged.

3) My house has only a one-car garage. It used to be a two-car one, but I decided to convert half of it into a micro-personal gym as I am rather health conscious. (I do have a gym membership, but my gym is not 24-hour, and sometimes at night I really need to get on the bowflex to burn off some of my energy since I have a lot of it! Also, after meals it's inconvenient for me to run off to the gym, and that is why I need one at my disposal. The gym membership is because they have a pool there, and swimming is really good for the joints. Just in case you were wondering.) That said, you'll have to use street parking, but I assure you that my neighborhood is quiet and safe, and there is usually a spot right out in front of my house! (The only time the spot is taken is when the lunch truck comes for the construction workers that are on the corner of my street. It only sits there for about 20 minutes between 1 and 2 pm during the week, depending on how chatty the boys are that day.)

Anyways, I have a few rules that need to be followed, but other than that, we should get along fine!

a) I request that you listen to all music via headphones. I have mild tinnitus and the sounds from most Hi-Fi equipment sans headphones really irriates me. I am open to discussing music, but sadly we cannot directly share it as my ears can't handle rapidly changing frequencies. (If you'd like to share lyrics, I'd be more than delighted to oblige!)

b) If you are going to cook, please do not use the following spices: curries, paprika, anything Cajun, and dill. The smells of these things turns my stomach. (If you have any scents that you'd like to avoid, by all means let me know and I'll do you the same honor.)

c) You must brush your teeth at least twice a day. If there is anything I cannot stand it's filthy teeth. (Believe me, I've had a couple roommates who just could not handle this simple routine -- your gingiva may not mind, but I certainly DO.)

d) If you are going to watch TV, please let me know in advance which programs you'd like to watch. I do have TiVo, by the by, and I have certain shows that I simply must watch when they originally air. I cannot be too flexible with this because I cannot stand to wait to see my programs. You have to understand that I simply have to watch them when they originally air or I will get a little batty. Most of my programs are on public broadcasting and do not tend to run during prime-time spots.

e) I do not appreciate unannounced house-guests. I need to know at least two days in advance that company is coming -- I need to know the duration of the stay, and the nature of the visit. But, I am open to any and all visitors, I just need to know the specifics involved.

f) I have reduced rent drastically because I realize that some of my requests might seem slightly stringent. I will pay the bulk of the rent in exchange for your understanding, your committment to the house, and your humoring of my quirks.

g) You must be ok with my upholstery hobby. On every third-Tuesday of the month I request that you vacate the house between the hours of 4 pm - 11:45 pm while I upholster various pieces of antique furniture. I am a perfectionist and require complete silence in the house. I've tried this with housemates who've promised to stay in their rooms, but this proved impossible as bathroom habits demand a regular schedule that interrupts my artisan work. That said, I will give you a small stipend on these days if it will assist you in finding something to do with that block of time.

h) No newspapers or magazines. The ink gets everywhere and the gloss irritates my eyes. Sorry! You are free to read them on the front porch, but they must be stored outside of the house (perhaps in your car?)

i) This is not to sound discriminating, but, if you speak either French, Urdu, or Afrikaans, I kindly request that you not speak them in my vicinity as the cadences used in these languages are grating to the ears and nerves, for me.

j) I have fresh produce delivered from an undisclosed location to my home every Wednesday afternoon. Please do not purchase fruits or vegetables and bring them home. You can request any that you desire and I will add them to my order queue. (I am fastidious about potential-GM produce and pesticide usage -- I will not tolerate either!) Also, if you insist on preparing red meat dishes in the home, do cook the meat thoroughly. IT MUST SIZZLE.

k) No cellphone tones in my home! Please use silent mode only!

l) You are not to use paints in the home. The noxious odors will aggravate my allergies!


That's the summary of my requests! I do actually have a handbook which I will provide for your perusal during our interview (yes, there will be an interview for final-stage candidates) that outlines all of my more particular requests.

If you are interested, please email me the following information:

1) Name

2) Occupation

3) Age

4) Allergies

5) Favorite author


Cheers!




Charleville Blvd. at S. Doheny Dr. google map yahoo map


* yes -- dogs are OK - wooof
* this is in or around Beverly Hills
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


66810688

Hello.

Who's the daddy!
You don't take shit from NO ONE~
Cuz U can afford it*
Just LOVely my dear..

I've just got a few more requirements myself that I need to be sure of..

-Bath Towels must be washed every SECOND shower...anything past that disgusts me.
-You mustn't get mad when I toss your half used barsoap in the garbage to replace it with a new one. If your soap's too expensive to throw out when it gets creepy cracks in it...then you can't afford that soap, and we shoudln't be roommates.
-THE LIVING WASH CLOTHS...don't slide with me, as you can see I am fairly nit picky about smells as well...especially sour smells...like laundry too..
-If dancing to no music scares you...then we can't be roommates:( Headphones are bad for your ears and I can't get the quality of sound that my bose speakers produce with any head phones??

STFU Gusto! Music with HEADPHONES ONLY?!
You're roommate is gonna be a total sketch case that can't afford anything better than living under your laws!! Bwahahah* If you drop that law...then to me you sound like the dopest roommate ever.

What's your sign?

[ppcock]

Hmmmm..

I think i can finally kill someone with techno.