learning to feel for the first time

[Goat]

it's sorta funny, as a kid i always had coping issues after my parents divorced when i was 6. it was long, extremely messy and a whole lot of moving back and forth. growing up with the stereotypical 'macho' alchoholic father didn't help things when it came to emotions and presenting them.
not that im complaining or anything, we always had a roof over our heads, and food on the table. im thankful for that.
my bro and i pretty much raised ourselves, he's the only one who's been in my life as a constant, he's always had my back. he'd kill for me and i'd do the same for him. i love him. my little bro too, even though we're not so close, distance wise, we're closer as brothers than ever before.

moving up to cranbrook with its laid back pace and a stable home environment, my body has finally started the healing process. it's nice to not have to worry about gettin kicked out or knowing where im going to be sleeping the next night. all those feelings that were repressed and put away, in order to 'survive' and get through are coming out, but that's ok.

i woke up angry this morning. i havn't been angry, as in yell at someone since i got kicked out of dad's 3 years ago. it felt good to feel angry, even if it was directionless. it's a normal feeling i've put aside too long.

some of these feelings are scary and make me want to crawl into my bed and curl up into a blanket and cry. some of these are sad, and i cry till i can cry no more. and yes, anger, where i just need to go for a walk and get my space or yell, or go to the gym and bench press my anger out.

it feels good to feel these feelings through, cuz it's normal, cuz i know im safe. im not happy with some of the choices i've led, but they're the stepping stones of skills and development in life we all must go through. i know i'll change, and continue to change, but still be me.
it feels good to feel, and know i'll get through.

[bob]

it's good to hear you're doing alright out there buddy.

[g l o w]

man oh man..
dood.. u've just earned my respect..

hard to find someone thats as mature as u which is from a family like that during the growing up stage..
impressive...
well... good luck =)

[Goat]

thanks bob, couldn't have done it without yours and j'nettes help. you guys got me back onto solid, sober, ground. how're you doin yourself?

thanks glow.

[Bitchin]

dope bebe!!!

call us f00!

[Goat]

i hope ur piece of shit brother gets hit by a fucking train...

i sincerely hope we meet, cuz im not joking when i say im going to put you in the hospital.

[junglEst_gurl]

Originally posted by Goat


i sincerely hope we meet, cuz im not joking when i say im going to put you in the hospital.

thats 2 of us! :finger:

[DJ Schmikel]

Thats really awesome for you man, its kind of an upbringer for myself as well, i can't say i've had it that bad growing up but divorces and what not never help.

i find it hard to focus on my goal as a DJ i really want to have it as a career, but im always torn because of work, its so depressing, 12 hour shifts and i have to work every second weekend which sucks(i missed spooky 8), sometimes i fear i'll get stuck at this dumbass job and not be able to succeed where i want to. Than i read what others have gone through, learned and experienced and its like a step forward for me in the right direction i guess......i dunno also cool to see some people are open on here without the discrimination or worries of others and what they might post about what your releasing.

Anyways Thanks :)
PS: who the hell are you spaceghost? get a life and grow up, stop being so immature.
and so make that 3 of us now

[zarlon]

:)

[sweet~kandy]

Im so glad that everything is going good for you know. :)

[Iokua]

4

[crackle]

Dude, i sorta know how n wut ur going through.. 8 yrz ago on this exact day [nov 27th] my mom passed away. i was torn because i didn't really know my mom all that well seeing how i was only 8 yrz old at the time.

my dad wasn't in my life at all, i didn't really have a family i grew up in a house of drugs n alcohol. after my mom passed away my dad wanted to be in my life [at that time i thought it was awesome to finally have a dad but i was wrong] there were so many fights between him and his girlfriend, the things i've witnessed was harsh shit. after that i moved in with my sister and i kept all my emotions at the back of my head. when i turned 15 i was in a really bad state of mind, i did all sorts of drugs drank every day n skipped school, cuz i thought that nobody could hurt me at all, then one day it hit me.. i'm not able to be invincible, and i just bursted into tears.. 5 months l8er i was packing up my room and getting ready to move down to Surrey, with my family [who i thought wasn't really my family until i realized that they are everything i've got]. what i've found here in surrey was a great amount of friends and more of my family that now i'm glad that i talk to and finally be able to release alot of my stress and wut not...so i hope that u will one day be able to look back on what has happend and make good use out of it.. *huggz* ur already making a big jump and being able to talk about it :054:

[decypher]

^^ i know how u guys feel, but i dont like to talk about that...