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Dec 20, 03
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Breaking up
WOW I FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!
I broke up with my boyfriend today which whom i still love at christmas time! Am I insane? I feel like i'm missing the best part of my life already...but I couldn't handle any more fighting and stress that we've been having. I know that if we are meant to be together..we will get back together. But this breaking up, and getting back together buisness has gone on too long. It takes 2 to make a relationship work, and i don't think he was doing his part anymore. He took me for granted, and because of that, i feel hurt and used. All I want is for this feeling of emptiness, lonliness and regret to go away. I want him to mature and look at how he has treated me and hopefully understand so we can be happy together as it was before. My heart is so torn apart :soak: 
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Dec 20, 03
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I know that sometimes tension in a relaitonship builds up so much that potential solutions to the problem are drowned out by skepticism, and the only thing you see is breaking up..
Although you can't expect him to figure out that he's potentially made the biggest mistake of his life, (nothing guarantees that he'll ever come to that realization or that he'll feel that way) but maybe a sufficient amount of time apart will help calm things down a little.. Sometimes time and space alone is all that you need to figure out what's right for you. When we're in the moment, we are often clouded by our emotions only.. give yourself some space until your emotions settle so that you can think with your heart AND more importantly, head.
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Dec 20, 03
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I'm sorry about your situation Aki.... :014:
There's not much anyone can say to take away the emptiness and loneliness...but from your post it seems that you know that you deserve to be treated better and that you know that he is taking advantage of the situation. Seems like you have your head on straight and that you know what you're worth, and you're right...if he is smart, he will realize what he has been doing and how he needs to change. Ah, I'm sorry...I'm no good at relationship advice. I just wanted to post to tell you that I understand how you're feeling and that if I could take away your pain, I would. =) Matters of the heart always hurt the deepest....and unfortunately they can only be solved on a personal and individual level. But rest assured that you're not alone. *Jen*
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Dec 20, 03
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i think when it comes to dishing out breaking up\relationship advice most tend to be hippocrits... i know i am. i'll dish out the "everything heals with time" line.. but i also know how much it can hurt or maybe i dont. i'll also give out the "you dont need him there are so many fish in the sea" but i'll be the first to start crying during a break up, and i'll be extremely lonely and upset. from your post you seem to know what is right for you, take your own advice. keep yourself happy, even if it means being sad right now.
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Dec 20, 03
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Ak, I know this sucks. I know you love but you haven't seemed that happy in a while. If he doesn't figure this out after you guys talk maybe it is time to move on. Don't stay w/ some one who doesn't make you happy. And this whole breakin up getting back together thing is too stressful for you kid.
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Dec 20, 03
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*hugs*
Hun, I was in the same situation a month ago......I had been miserable for a long time, he didn't treat me like he should have. I wanted to end things for a long time, and something set me off and I finally got up the courage to break up, and now I'm SO much happier. I've recently met THE greatest guy, he's everything I wanted but never had, and I never would have been able to be with him and experience all the feelings I'm feeling if I were still with my ex. Love isn't everything - there are many other qualities that two people must share in a relationship, and clearly, you and your ex did not share the qualities necessary to make it work or else you wouldn't be in this situation. Chin up, be strong. You know what you want, what you need, and what you deserve; now heal yourself and find what you really want and deserve in a man - never settle.
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Dec 20, 03
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The problem with the whole, "break up/make up" cycle is that it conditions couples to be used to the idea that whenever they break up, they'll end up back together. They usually get back together out of convenience, habit, lonliness, or fear of potentially losing something that they'll regret losing.
The whole cycle is used to smother the harsh effects of a break up by offering a window of opportunity to reunite and continue the relationship... however, it also gets the couple used to the idea of not being together. I find that everytime a couple breaks up and gets back together the couple becomes less engrossed with the fear of losing the other person. They become dependent on how 'easy' it would be to get back together if they broke up again. Maybe a "serious" break up will be a good wake up call for you guys. It might give you some time to think about the relationship, each other and yourselves without the complications if you were still together. It'd be a good time to figure out why you guys have been snapping at each other, finding out such answers will help make things seem clear and give you a better chance to fix it, if not for this relationship, then future ones.
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Dec 21, 03
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^ I hate the whole break up and make up thing. To me, it's absolutely ludicrous. Personally, if I'm going to make the decision to break up with someone, it's because I don't want to be with them anymore for whatever reason, and there's no getting back together. IMO, to break up and make up all the time is just playing games! I understand that sometimes a couple needs time apart to sort through their feelings, but that's why you go on a 'break'.
If you break up and make up all the time, how is the other person ever going to know when you're really serious and want it to be over?
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Dec 21, 03
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sorry to hear you're hurtin aki,
it must be hard this time of year but from the sounds of things he's not worth the effort and love you're putting in to your realationship. keep your chin up and focus on the important thing in your life this christmas. =) hang in there!
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Dec 21, 03
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thanks for all the support and advice guys.
I'm feeling ok lately, I went on got my hair done today and spent some money on myself to make me feel better. Whatever happens between us is what is meant to be. We both love eachother very much, time apart will realize that we have taken eachother for granted, or it's better off not being together. Either way, I don't want to force anything thats not meant to happen.
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Dec 21, 03
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sorry to hear aki, it sucked being at dinner and noticing you having to deal with some unexpected phone call. :(
hope you have a wonderful holiday anyway, surround yourself with your best friends who care more for your then anything. I know you have a few of them :)
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Dec 21, 03
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when the other one starts taking you for granted, its time to move on. sometimes it takes a break up or two to realize what someone means to you, but if after all that, they still take you for granted, move on.
fool me once, shame on you fool me twice, shame on me. sorry to hear that aki, but i'm sure you will find some other guy who will sweep you off your feet. you will be happy again.
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Dec 22, 03
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Quote:
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Dec 22, 03
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Sorry to hear that Aki, I hope that you find someone to keep you happy over the christmas break, maybe things will work out..
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Dec 22, 03
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Heya Akinator... there is some damn good advice in this thread -- Stabby hit the nail on the head!
I guess first off -- good for you for know what you want, and knowing what's missing in your relationship and the fact that you aren't happy overall, and doing something about it. -- You'd be surprised at the amount of people that don't, stay together out of habbit, get married and then divorced thus becoming yet another statistic. A couple of things: 1.) You're not insane for breaking up with your boyfriend (regardless of what time of year it is) -- you are obviously not happy, know what you ultimately want and are doing something out it... good on ya! 2.) You are missing part of your life -- at least, you are so used to him being there and a part of it, that it will take time to re-adjust priorities and certain things. Just remember, it is always all about YOU and YOU need to look after YOU! -- Just make sure as you go through this process that you are surrounded by good friends and family. 3.) Your feeling of emptiness, lonliness and regret will go away -- those are natural emotions that anyone would go through. This will pass as you deal with all the emotions you need to. -- Just make sure you deal with them IE: don't sweep them under the rug and procrastinate or they won't go away. Life does exist after this guy... You're young.. LOTS to do and experience ahead of you. -- Although scary, welcome this new chapter in your life! You are leaving this relationship more mature, having learnt more about yourself and what you want now. Good luck.
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Dec 22, 03
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^ good advise Kraig
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