digging a hole

[bob]

i hate this... i don't even have anywhere to throw the dirt anymore. i just shovel it right ontop of my head. digging deeper and burying myself at the same time.

surrey central *the place to be* not alone with a case of heineken anyways. 1 guy says "a heineken girl, eh?", so (being the smartass i always am) i say "it's your mom's favorite"... so buddy *hardcore* and his 12 year old crew with their 6-pack of budweiser step up to me, quite amusing how they have to look up to stare me down. dipshits. anyways i think they tried to jump me... i just kinda stood there and watched some nearby construction... one kid says "dude is fucked, let's go". and so they leave... then i realize that i should've gotten jumped, but i didn't. because i walk around like a soggy toothpick (yea i dunno), i am so miserable and i don't really have any reason to be... yea so i like this girl and i can't do anything about it. that's no reason to moap around and ruin my own life. who the hell would wanna jump me? i have no spirit for them to take, let alone money. i think i had 28 cents cash on me, and i'd be glad to give them my visa if they asked.

now i'm home with a case of beer and 4 dvd's to be watched. friday nite. doesn't get much better than this around here. except for that one friday i hung out in the toothpaste aisle in london drugs and screamed out to some girl *FRIDAY NITE! THIS IS THE PLACE TO BE!*. she was buying a toothbrush, i bought some paste & floss. she ran, i hid, she started following me around the store, i gave her a stupid look and walked away.

my best friend was supposed to come over and drink with me, watch some movies and pass out or whatever. but she's sick, and after the mall i told her to go home and call me in the morning. i bought her a bottle of an ice wine i had last month and told her to drink a glass tonite and call me with her opinion... she just called and thanked me for the recommendation. how can i be so nice to this girl? she's my ex-gf and she treated me like shit when we did go out. but we were friends before, and we're friends now. why can't i have a girlfriend that i can treat RIGHT? i know it's not the girls i date, because the same thing has happened with every girl i've gone out with, so i've realized that it's most likely me that's making the mistakes...... but i don't make those mistakes with my best friend. i'm rational with her. i don't worry about what she's doing, because i don't have to.

maybe if i wasn't so fucking paranoid i could have a nice relationship for once...

oh well. where'd my shovel go?
u'd think i'd hit the earth's core sooner or later... so far nothing. not even dinosaur fossils or buried treasure. boo...... pour another beer down the hatch to soften the dirt. makes the digging process easier. what a mess. mud.


in the words of jim carey, "you are one pathetic loser".

[bob]

...cappuccino biscotti ice cream

[KeeBLeR]

dood that's pretty shitty... just watch out for power lines on the way down..

home on a friday nite!? bob your 20 rite... it don't matter wut nite it is!!!!!! anynite is a good nite.. well except for monday cuz there ain't shit going on a monday nite... ice wine? 1997 from the oakanagan.. tha best shit in the world.. well at least as far as icewine in 1997 is concerned.. hard to find but oh so yummy.. as for the exgf/bestfriend.. don't let her get the best of ya..

peace

:Keebler:

[Glendita*]

Hey .... well after i read that , i really want to give u some advice .... but then i realized that i'm as sad as u and i'm just 17 and who the hell cares what a seventeen thinks.

but here i go any ways I can't really say much except that ur sooooo fucking young and i know ur hurting now but don't let that give u an excuse to mope around. So what if ur home on a friday nite ... hee hee i'm here at home on a friday nite and the sad part is that i'm happy because my feet freaking hurt .... i hate work ... but that's another story for another time .... ok where was i ... oh yes Bob go out and go have some fun or stay home and chill but have to stop feeling the way u do when it comes to ur past relationship .... there in the past and u have to keep on going because if u don't ur always going to be stuck in this "hole" that u dug .... easier said then done i know ....

[Sean]

I decided to head home early tonight, watched "The One" with a friend, but don't feel like spending anymore money.

I don't really know what to suggest. Try to find some hobbies/activities to keep you occupied, until you find yourself a girlfriend at least. I think that's exactly what you need right now =)

[*addy*]

Why do you want a girlfriend so badly?
I'm just wondering what it is about having a girlfriend that makes you feel whole.
Because all of your threads have to do with the same problem. Maybe that's what has to be dealt with.

[bob]

i was gonna post this last nite, but i was too drunk to get my butt off the couch......

i think i've been making myself believe that i NEED a girlfriend. i know that i don't need one, but i've got myself thinking that a girl is the only thing i'm missing, and that's the reason why i'm so miserable. BUT THIS ISN'T TRUE!

see, when i HAD a gf, i had a crappy job and i was living at home being treated like shit by my mom... but NOW! i live on my own, and i have a great job. but no girlfriend. so i figure that's the reason why i'm so miserable. and it could be true... but that's pretty pathetic for me to think that it is true... i'm only 20 years old, i should be eating microwave burritos and walking around in a housecoat all day long, living some shitty bachelor life. but i don't have a microwave, or a housecoat :( ...

i am never satisfied with anything i do. i mean, sure i'm proud of my accomplishments for a little while, but i always know that there's more, i can do better, and i must do better! i'm like some kind of incompetent perfectionist.

i'm worried that even if i do find a gf anytime soon, i'll have dug myself into too deep of a hole that it won't even matter having a girl around. i wouldn't be able to be happy. i'd just sit there like shit on a stick until she dumped me, and then i would get excited because i'd have 1 more reason to feel down. yes, i do enjoy being depressed ....

wanting a girlfriend is pretty much just an excuse for me to treat myself like shit. it's sad, but true... i really do want a girlfriend, but i don't have to put myself down for not being able to find one. if i really wanted, i could just go on about my life, smoke crack and if a girl showed up on my doorstep one day, then great! but i'm not being like that, which is probably the reason no girls wanna go out with me...

pretty retarded huh...