Deinvesting in Friends

[DJ Ponz]

On a number of occasions, I have found myself 'the boyfriend's best friend' - in other words, my best friends enter into serious relationships with chicks passing through their lives. I, having invested in the relationship, am quite literally left second to the passing whims of fleeting lovers.

A devout bachelor, I am finding myself investing in friendships and then facing a 3rd wheel scenario, which often causes me to divest my social and emotional ties to my buddies. This sucks. And in my mid-20s, it's a growing problem as people start to pair off.

What's the answer here? Diversity in friends is the key to stability? Should I make friends with younger folk, more likely to share my world-view about dating and women? Or do I simply divest and bury my frustration? Joining the entourage of coupledom isn't going to work - I have far too much to do, too many places to go in my life for even the most faithful partners, and having no friends isn't really an option. Your thoughts.

[wum]

the word is actually "divest"

[Bitchin]

Get a crew.

I never hang out with just one other friend... usually theres like a group of 5+ ppl.

it's like a family away from home its home.

[veN]

Psst! This happens to people who are in a relationship too. I also have friends that are too involved with their significant others to hang out much at all. I guess it's different because we could do stuff together as couples, but it still stands, that when people become too involved in their relationships, friends go by the wayside :( I really really try not to do that. And right now I'm kinda suffering because my girlfriends hav become too involved in their own lovelives. *sigh* I am hanging onto what dope friends I have (single or not) and not letting go!

[J o e l]

that sucks man...this happens to everyone though, unfortunately theres not much you can really do about it. Get a crew like j'nette said...sure that'll work for a while but slowly that crew will diminish and you'll be right back at square one. The best thing I think you can do is let your current freinds know how you feel...I know that sounds corny but a real freind would be able to admit their doing this. Making GOOD freinds is not that easy (and by GOOD I mean the ones that dont ditch you as soon as a new girl comes along) and alienating yourself from your current group is just crazy. If they're in a serious relationship and don't have much free time thats somewhat understandable, and usually once they've been going out for a while and the "honeymooner" stage is over they will find time for their freinds...but if you get shelfed everytime a one-week wonder comes along you should seriously talk with this/these freind(s) and if they don't understand...they probably aren't that great of a freind

[cityqueen]

Originally Posted by DJ Ponz

Joining the entourage of coupledom isn't going to work - I have far too much to do, too many places to go in my life for even the most faithful partners, and having no friends isn't really an option. Your thoughts.

DJ Ponz - Have you ever considered the fact that having a girlfriend may not necessarily mean that you can no longer do the things that you want to do? Or go the places that you want to go to?

Considering your intelligence, I am surprised that you haven't tried to "see things from the other side".

[J o e l]

NO KIDDIN!!!!^^^^

you just need to find someone who shares your fellings about travel and whatever the hell else it is you want to do

I know I know easier said than done

[wum]

^ he's gay?

[justa~gurl]

Originally Posted by cityqueen

DJ Ponz - Have you ever considered the fact that having a girlfriend may not necessarily mean that you can no longer do the things that you want to do? Or go the places that you want to go to?

Considering your intelligence, I am surprised that you haven't tried to "see things from the other side".

exactly what i was thinking...

and maybe your other relationships didn't work out because it was with the wrong person all together...

don't give up just yet

the right person will come along and you'll be able to have the best of both worlds... even then it won't be easy

good luck

[DJ Ponz]

Originally Posted by cityqueen

DJ Ponz - Have you ever considered the fact that having a girlfriend may not necessarily mean that you can no longer do the things that you want to do? Or go the places that you want to go to?
Considering your intelligence, I am surprised that you haven't tried to "see things from the other side".

Kimbo! My god it's been some time! Hope you're well.
But to answer your question, I have thought about it - at length. A number of my friends - people you know - have not done things or gone places because of their significant others. Maybe I'm selfish, maybe I can't be bothered, or perhaps I just see myself doing things/going places without a significant other - at least at this point in my life. Bear in mind, I have loved - so I do know what's on the other side.

But all that is beside the point; what I'm talking about here is an answer to my predicament. I have neither the time, money nor emotional will to enter into a serious relationship, and as I've established, I don't feel I should. A relationship is not the answer here; I'm looking for alternate options people!

[miss.myra]

Have you ever told your best friend about how you feel? Try that.

Deinvesting in a solid 'best friendship' if this truly is one should NOT even be considered imo.

[filipmaj]

Originally Posted by miss.myra

Have you ever told your best friend about how you feel? Try that.

Deinvesting in a solid 'best friendship' if this truly is one should NOT even be considered imo.

that's pretty much what i'd do if i were you man. can't go wrong with communication :)