I need some serious advice.

[silly-girl]

Okay.. I'm a long time person on this site, but for the saftey of myself and the person I am talking about, I'd rather just keep this as a troll for the advice needed.

I find myself awake at this hour because I can't sleep - they are on my mind, and have been for over a year every night.

I broke up with my boyfriend last Jan for no reason. None at all. I can't think of why I did to this day, I devistated him, completely destroyed him. It was not fair.

I've been with lots of men since, I was even in a very good relashionship with one, and then I started hanging out with my ex again, and it made me want him back so much more, so sure enough I ditched the other one and we saw each other again.

Well due to a busy work schedule, we didin't get to see each other as much as we wanted, and after awhile he thought I wasen't interested in him again, so we went our seperate ways. I thought maybe I just needed closure to it all.

But alas, I went on dates with many guys after that.. all of them absolutely great, I hit it off with most of them, some of course not so much. But I thought I had forgotten about him, and he forgotten about me - he's seeing someone else right now. She's a good girl, keeps him in line.

But, every time I look into a guys eyes, all I can see is his.

I lie in bed awake every night thinking about him, I go through his pictures every day.. we were ment to be together, the first guy I ever loved, the only one I ever want to love.

It's not fair. I just want to go outside his apartment in the rain and cry outside his window, and when he opens it just tell him I still love him, and I miss him so much, and I just want him back. But I know he wont, I broke his heart.. probably more then once. And it's all my fault.

What can I do..

I don't know what to do. It's been going on for so long. People tell me, hey - meet someone else, you'll forget all about him. It hasen't happened, I don't think it ever will, I don't feel complete without them. I am not sure if I will ever feel complete again.

Please, someone advise me :(

[neoh]

Hah, I have no clue what to tell you.

ask myra :P

[Varney Rae]

I wouldnt suggest even thinking about seeing other people if you know your only going to be thinking about a different guy. I'd wait until he isnt with another girl and then tell him. I went through sortof the same situation and you have to tell him, its the only way you'll stop thinking about it. In my situation I had even built up something that wasnt even there, and then I told him how I felt and he wanted it back but then I realized I didnt want anything more. In things like this that are between two people the only real closure you can get is from hearing exactly what it is you need to know from the other person. If you dont it just leads to assuming things and stressing over things that dont need to be stressed over. Good luck:)

[Kelster]

i think you're being a whiney brat.

for a good solid relationship (that's what you make it sound like) to break over a busy work schedule, either you're leaving something out of the story or you're just not compatible

if you can't make time for him then you might as well give him too someone else that can afford the time
don't waste either of your time and try hooking up again. you're still working, right? unless you can admit you weren't trying hard enough the second time around, and you really think you can do a better job the third time around.

i don't know the real situation, but imo you're just trying to beat a dead horse. keep in mind i don't think you should throw the friendship out the door. but yea, on and off again relationships are friggin' annoying.


oh, yea. the thing i don't get tho, if you're so busy with work how are you able too go on so many dates and start new relationships? maybe you weren't putting in your 50%

[FireWire]

You can't do anything cause he's already with another woman. Just leave it and let it settle.


And I would say that instead of some serious advice, you need some serious councelling and treatment. For one, you don't just do what you did to your boyfriend in the first place, and for two, you have to realize that it's all over now and that you should get over him.


My advice to you is harsh sounding cause I've also been treated badly and used by a woman in my life once and she did exactly the same that you did to your boyfriend and now I am against women that do that and you are one of those types... sorry but that's just what you get when you treat guys like that - nothing good in return.

[middle mike]

Nothing you fucked up. Some girls do not realize how good their guy is and they break the guys heart. Fuck you it hurts. You fucked up leave him alone. And work on your mistakes and maybe you might be lucky and get another guy as good.

[b0ld]

Yep, Sounds like the scenario that happened to me a good 6 years ago but it was just a tad different. She ended up getting brainwashed by this total bullshitter. Her friends knew of it, her parents hated him and shit and know this individual was a troublemaker. He had a criminal record that involved b&e's and shit. Her parents were all "I knew it, I know this guy is a troublemaker". Infact not only did he brainwash her but he also brainwashed other girls and somehow I manage to find out who the other guys were and we went to kick the shit out of him only for him to take off to red deer alberta where he is still at. In any event I'll never forgive her as to what happened. She absolutely tore my heart into piece's. Her mother tried talking to me asking me to come over and talk and I told her mother that her daughter already did the talking a long time ago and that there is no going back.

And I hate to be honest here but you tore this guys heart right out as well. Why do you think he is in a comfortable relationship right now? You think he is going to ditch her for you again? I'm sorry but I don't think thats going to happen. There will always be times in a relationship when one's schedule will be busy whether if its work/school/etc but its no excuse to drop a relationship like that at all. There's always room and time somewhere even within anyone schedule where you would be able to be together, even if its just for an hour or two.

[Dr. Doom]

Deal with it you fuckin' pussy.

[wum]

that's really shitty

[miss.myra]

If they're clearly moving on, you're really going to need to learn to do the same.

One of the most crippling and pointless things to do in life in wallow in self pity for far too long over your own mistakes. Take the lessons out of them and try to grow and go on with life with that little bit of knowledge and experience you have learned from it.

[Candy-Kid]

not very good at this sorta stuff but im guessing you missed your chance hun. it'll jus take time to get over things

[diva]

you put yourself first when you broke up with him, and how he's putting himself first.

learn from your mistake and move on.

[diesskei]

Everybody hit the nail on the head... There really is nothing more to be said in this thread. Take their advice, and move on.

[neoh]

Well, despite what everyone says - I believe there's one person in the world for you. Your a hopeless romantic, but I can see why he doesen't want to get back with you - I think you pretty much blew your chances.

Love is a powerfull thing, and I think if its ment to be - it will find a way to work itself out.

Originally Posted by Kelster

if you can't make time for him then you might as well give him too someone else that can afford the time
don't waste either of your time and try hooking up again. you're still working, right? unless you can admit you weren't trying hard enough the second time around, and you really think you can do a better job the third time around.

I don't think that's called for at all. You sure do have a tendency of being extremely rude. Even I've had these problems, where they work, say .. 8-5 Wed-Sun and I work 1pm to 10pm Mon-Fri... or something stupid, it's almost impossible to see each other.

Work schedules change from time to time, and sometimes there's nothing you CAN do.

[mojo]

Originally Posted by Kelster

maybe you weren't putting in your 50%

50% is half. A relationships should be 100%/100%.

anyways, i feel for you there Ms. Troll. its a hard thing to do, get over someone that you don't want to be over. I agree with what some others have said though. I sounds to me like you blew it.

What i think you need to do is tell him where its at, and hear him tell you that it is done for good between you guys. For good. Then you can get the closure that you need and move on.

I wish you the best.

[ebbomega]

"Get over it. Go out with somebody else."
- Garth Algar.

[Kelster]

Originally Posted by neoh

I don't think that's called for at all. You sure do have a tendency of being extremely rude. Even I've had these problems, where they work, say .. 8-5 Wed-Sun and I work 1pm to 10pm Mon-Fri... or something stupid, it's almost impossible to see each other.

Work schedules change from time to time, and sometimes there's nothing you CAN do.

it sucks when work starts taking over your life, but for some people that's how they like it.

if she was just having bad luck with scheduling, then he should have been understanding and i'm sure he would have waited it out.
if she was too consumed in work too bother with the relationship, then there's really no point in giving it another go, chances are things won't change. they're just not compatible.

a big part of a relationship to me is enjoying the time spent with the other, if i'm not getting that time then fuck it.


and it is 50/50, there's no 200%.

[FireWire]

What she said! ^_^

I can't wait for the original poster to say something again...

[mojo]

Originally Posted by Kelster

and it is 50/50, there's no 200%.

what i meant by the 100/100 thing was that each person should give 100% to the relationship for it to be healthy and work, i wasnt just doin dem poor math skillz.

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by mojo

what i meant by the 100/100 thing was that each person should give 100% to the relationship for it to be healthy and work, i wasnt just doin dem poor math skillz.

"There are lies, damned lies, and statistics"

100%? of what?

I believe what's trying to be said is that both people must be as committed as each other to the relationship in order for it to work. But enough of these goddamned numbers. They're pointless unless we have something that we're measuring.

[silly-girl]

Originally Posted by varn

I wouldnt suggest even thinking about seeing other people if you know your only going to be thinking about a different guy. I'd wait until he isnt with another girl and then tell him. I went through sortof the same situation and you have to tell him, its the only way you'll stop thinking about it. In my situation I had even built up something that wasnt even there, and then I told him how I felt and he wanted it back but then I realized I didnt want anything more. In things like this that are between two people the only real closure you can get is from hearing exactly what it is you need to know from the other person. If you dont it just leads to assuming things and stressing over things that dont need to be stressed over. Good luck:)

This is one option I could take, and from everyone else.

I think the best thing to do is just, sit down with him and tell him what I feel.. and for him to just say "I don't love you anymore, you hurt me too badly and you lost me forever."

Then I can get some closure. I think this is the only way out of my situation.

I appreciate everyones input a lot, and I thank you all for taking your time to tell me about your own problems and being compassionate about mine.

Love is one of those things that make us crazy, it just does not go away, it's an incurable disease, some people are immune to it, others fall deep into their sickness and die from it.

[silly-girl]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

"Get over it. Go out with somebody else."
- Garth Algar.

I notice you quote a lot of people, good for you.

Now come up with something original for once.

[silly-girl]

Originally Posted by neoh

Well, despite what everyone says - I believe there's one person in the world for you. Your a hopeless romantic, but I can see why he doesen't want to get back with you - I think you pretty much blew your chances.

Love is a powerfull thing, and I think if its ment to be - it will find a way to work itself out.



I don't think that's called for at all. You sure do have a tendency of being extremely rude. Even I've had these problems, where they work, say .. 8-5 Wed-Sun and I work 1pm to 10pm Mon-Fri... or something stupid, it's almost impossible to see each other.

Work schedules change from time to time, and sometimes there's nothing you CAN do.

I don't think she was being rude.. though she has always come across as rude!

But yes, that schedule was pretty much what we had. I would see him every chance I could, mornings - we would go for lunch, an hour or so before he went to bed, just to spend time..

but sometimes that just isin't enough.

He knew he was always over my career choice. I wish he just could of accepted my bogus work schedule a little more and realise I wasen't ignoring him, I wasen't avoiding him, I was just busy for that small period of time when we barely saw each other.

[silly-girl]

Originally Posted by diva

you put yourself first when you broke up with him, and how he's putting himself first.

learn from your mistake and move on.

I know this to be true.

but what if he is thinking the same thing I am? That's what kills me.

[silly-girl]

Originally Posted by miss.myra

If they're clearly moving on, you're really going to need to learn to do the same.

One of the most crippling and pointless things to do in life in wallow in self pity for far too long over your own mistakes. Take the lessons out of them and try to grow and go on with life with that little bit of knowledge and experience you have learned from it.

But what if they are not clearly moving on. What if they want me just as much as I want him.

You are supposed to live life with no regrets.

I have but one. Loosing him.

Am I going to be a 80 year old woman, rocking back and forth in my chair with my future husband, thinking about him, wishing he was the one rocking back and forth beside me?

It hurts, god damn it!