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Oct 26, 05
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Anyone who lives at home or isn't exactly sure what their doing in life.
and I mean solidly like future out of school knowing what they are gonna be,
People living at home do your parents bitch at you in a way that basically is being looked down upon because you don't know exactly what your doing. They take the job you have, or have had and compare that to say working a full time job that you would do as a full full like 30 year old adult. I wanna know if others do this because every couple weeks i get this and i wanna know... In a way its like I can't even live my l ife here than if I say i'll move out and live on my own he pulls out another you can't do it look at your jobs even though my friends done it with the same job, and who says people know at 24 years old EXACTLY what their gonna be doing cause thats the way he puts it. Basically he puts everything I say into a literal meaning if I say my friend is living on his own right now, he takes it as oh so i guess your gonna live on your own forever when in reality i said nothing like that i was just using an example. Its like impossible not to fight cause he takes everything I say in the wrong sense and than even when I explain he still just rips into me like there is no tomarrow. I tell him I can't even live my own life anymore, and he just says its cause you don't know what your doing. That has a part of it but really even if i go back to school i don't know what I am gonna be doing and besides my insides are like destroyed from the heart out. Being looked down from others is alright I can live with that, but being looked down upon by parents is pretty harsh at least to me cause i look up to them with respect for working hard and still working at their age. He says when i was 14 i had high hopes for you, as far as that is to me I take it as I failed you and my life is but a waste of time. I am starting to not be able to even live my life the way I want to cause its always the same fucking routine... I'm sure others get this rite? I guess this is the one stereotypical part of asian parents... being compared to others from your own family members is so weak... This isn't a joke, this isn't for sympathy its for real answers and comments. Its not hard to read into it as a serious question. I don't ever post in here for the simple reason of ridicule but in this case I've had enough of this and want answers. Last edited by KenJi; Oct 26, 05 at 04:32 PM. 
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Oct 26, 05
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just move out - parents are parents and they have their own expectations but when you're still living with them, that's part of the cost of your rent-free (or low rent i don't know), free meals, access to parental stuff living. Now if you can't afford it, then shit dude, get a better job, otherwise it's the price you pay for still living at home :)
Keep in mind people will eventually mellow out. My dad was very much like that throughout my upbringing (I was expected to have a career goal in mind at age 14) but after moving out, things got a lot better (me getting a good job helps too tho). If you know for a fact that you'd rather chill out for a couple years or find out what you want in life first before settling on a career path, then do it on your own accord. Get your own place, don't rely on them for money, and just live your life.
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Oct 26, 05
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exactly. and just because your dad says you can't afford it doesn't mean it's true. work out your costs of living and compare it to what you make. if you can manage it, move out, it's not his decision. but also, he's looking out for you too, so don't throw out his good advice with the bad.
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Oct 26, 05
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I am partly to live at home rite now because my parents allow it and i am partly because i choose to. I just think you shouldn't put complete and utter pressure on someone so much that the person in this case me, can't even think straight anymore. You know its hard to think when all you got on your mind is the arguements from the night before.
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Oct 26, 05
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Why does someone have to know what he is doing at 24 for the rest of his life?
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Oct 26, 05
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How are u suppose to know what u are doing with your life at this age? alot of people dont, I certainley dont there is so much world out there. It sounds to me like he has double standards, I think as long as you are happy with the descions that u have made in your life your family should support you and be happy for you and if they arent that is really there problem, u are an adult and we do live in Canada. Oviously u really care what your father thinks of u, so either do what u have to do to make him happy or do what u have to do to make yourself happy, witch I think is the most important thing. I dont know if any of this helps, keep your head up and be positive.
Tara
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Oct 26, 05
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^ i sometimes wish I did but I don't know rite now, and its more like my dad is the one trying to tell me what to do rather than let me choose on my own ideals.
Thanx for some actual feedback i know eventually I am gonna delete this thread on account of the immature replies that will no doubt come into this thread,
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Oct 26, 05
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just try doing something that shows him you're listening and want to find out what you wanna do. even if its just picking up a college/university calendar and flipping through it in front of him, just to get him off your back, heh.
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Oct 26, 05
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I am making my sound dad like a bad guy here which is not what I am trying to do I am just trying to justify the means of his anger and all his anger is because I havn't decided what to do yet. Obviously there are alot of decisions i've made i don't exactly relish but there are those I know that were the rite ones too. I dunno maybe i'm putting the combined pressure of everything unto myself?
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Oct 26, 05
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I guess i could do that i doubt it would much, i don't even know his standards anymore
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Oct 26, 05
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the only reason that I still live at home is b/c im saving money to move out with my best friend. I try to tune out my mum and sister when they say negative things to me ( although sometimes I'll be the first to admit that it's really hard)
Good luck to you!!
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Oct 26, 05
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Oct 26, 05
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However, if you choose to live at home, this will be one of the costs of living there straight up. If you want to spend the next couple years just working a meh job, partying, and just figuring out youself (and there's nothing wrong with that) then you either suck it up and live at home or you move out. There's really no middle ground. As for the pressure, yea it's probably wrong and it's not helping but that's generally how parents are. Generally, they genuinely want what's best for their children even if they way they go about communicating it may not be the best. However, he's not going to change at his age and ultimately, he's only nagging cause he thinks he's doing what's best for you. You have to remember that from his generation, 24 is when you should be married, considering kids and have a full-on career - and especially being asian, a "good" career choice is usually some white-collar job that pays 6 figures (as I recall, doctor, lawyer, or CEO were the top choices in my family). Back then, there was no "finding yourself" period or noodling around and finding a career path that they liked. People graduated from HS and either found a career or went to university then found a career. More often than not, the career choice was probably not a happy one or even one they wanted but that's how it was often done. Last edited by dj_soo; Oct 26, 05 at 05:11 PM.
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Oct 26, 05
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^ very very good points.
Its just I really don't know what to take rite now as in schooling. none the less very good points mofo x. I guess I'll have a talk with him, the worst part is him and me just seem to always push each other to get worse in our arguements. Like when i talk to my mom its not nearly the same at all. must be that motherly love, and that fatherly sterness or straight up ness
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Oct 26, 05
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yea, the whole father/son thing is often rough - it seems especially the case in asian families due to the nature of the father role in asian society (wrote my psychology thesis on comparing 1st and 2nd generation asians in north america).
Also sounds like you're going through some of the same things i had to deal with growing up. I'm guessing (correct me if i'm wrong) that your dad is a immigrant to canada, worked really hard to provide for your family, built himself up to at least a comfortable living from very little and was the central authority figure in the family even though he was often too busy working to spend as much time with the kids? just a guess...
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Oct 26, 05
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^ Pretty close yes.
Though he has been in a canada along time he is from Japan as is my mom. I think I am gonna have to talk it out with him cause I don't think he realizes why we do fight so much. and were both at fault but I understand my part of the fault but he doesn't understand either of the faults.
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Oct 26, 05
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^ best of luck to you man.
What may help is to have a bit of a timeline to present maybe. Something more than just saying "i don't know what I want to do right now" - not saying you need a defintie career plan or anything, but an idea to show that yes, you are thinking about the future and you're not just living day to day. parents like that sort of thing :)
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Oct 26, 05
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I guess I am really lucky that my family understands the fact that I am undecided. Although they may not like it or even agree with my choices, they've finally come to realize that the more they yell and push me the worse it makes things. But Kenj darling, I'm sure things will work out. And I hope that you guys can talk it out calmly. Good luck honey. :)
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Oct 26, 05
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Well i am younger than all of you guys im guessing, I only just turned 19, my parents are very supportive of me, whichever what way i go, they always tell me good, even though it does not sound right to me. they may tell me things that hurt me and make it seem like they are telling me down, but its just their way of talking, i know they mean well. They support that I am undecided, they dont force things on me but always tell me school is the safest place to be. They tell me if I cant decide, stay in school and try out different things. I know for a fact that Guys are closer to their mothers and whatever your father says may seem harsh, but its tough love in its own way. Good luck with you situation, ill leave you with the advise my parents gave me, Even if you dont know where your going in life, Always know that education can take you to the ends of the earth, stay in school until you decide.
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Oct 26, 05
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My parents don't exactly support my undecided life, and they look down upon all my jobs.
I admit some of my jobs havn't been good but like I told my parents I didn't plan on doing them my whole life as I've never stayed at same job for more than a couple of years. I can't imagine my parents ever telling me something like your last line in your posts. Trust me to them its all time t his time that, and money this and other people are doing that. Itsl ike they think I don't know alot of people at my age are doing good for themselves too but alot of people arent either he can't make the Comparison between them. He can only associate with the successful 24 year olds i mean like really successful
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Oct 27, 05
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oy vey kenji, i hear yah.
i was the smart one, not just in the immediate family but also between all my cousins which meant i was supposed to be a doctor or nurse or something in the medical field (i was an allstar in science)... then i decided to trade it all in for art. followed in my brothers footsteps and went to two years of art school, picked up a diploma and now have stopped. during the summer, i heard it from many directions "what are you gonna do now?" "that was waste of time if you dont continue with art" and so on so forth. worked a well paying comfertable job all summer, and started paying the rent my parents wanted and needed. i thought respect would come with it... and it some ways it did, but in many it didnt. now im in blackjack school and will be a dealer at the casino. my mom thinks i should still be going to school, that i shouldnt take a break, but i really dont want student loans. so im working till next september. plus i always make sure to express to her that me taking the time off is more like me taking the time to confirm what it is i want to do. my dad has never pressured me - ill admit it, im daddies little princess and as long as im happy with what im doing, hes proud of me. i think my mom wants me to overly successful as by my age, she had made the decision to be married and pregnant. shes even said this to me, in no way does she regret her life choices because she is happy where she is, but you cant really not have regrets occupationally. what am i saying? it comes down to standing on your own two feet. and believe me, anyone that has met my mother knows how terrifying she can be, and also knows how much pressure she can put on a person. although i dont have any cultural things to live up to, i have some how become the daughter\neice\granddaughter\cousin who is supposed to be successful, and i get compared to not family members, but rather friends who are apparently more "successful". i know how difficult it can be stand up when everytime you do, a fight or argument starts and its not something you want to do with your parents. i've worked out that bringing things in to converstaion al ittle at a time or focusing on one aspect helps. repetitiveness - if i feel a discussion\argument brewing, i steer it in the same direction many times until the can see what im saying. a good thing always to point out is that you have to make mistakes in life in order to grow up. also being successful at any occupation involves happiness. (happiness = good work ethic) are you exploring oppurtunites? if so, express that to your dad. tell him you want to be the best, you want to make him proud, but to do that, you need to find what you really want to do. and that can take years and years for people. some of the most successful people i know are just discovering what they really want to do in their 30's and 40's. alot of this may be redundant as this is most likely something you've been dealing with for awhile and may have already done these things, but i've found that they help - slowly.
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Oct 27, 05
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im 20. I still live at home
I work shitty jobs. +still not a hundred % on what career i want to get education for. i hope im not in the same position 4 years from now..... thats 6 years from 30.... TTTHHIRTY !!!! +like everyone else said, there is a price to be payed for living for "free". Parents are difficult people to get along with after a certain age. Especially if your a party kid who doesnt pay rent, or buy groceries. kenji, maybe you better get a move on? Watch a little less sports, do a little more thinking? Im Not trying to be critical or insulting here, just trying to give you another perspective... Everyone else has been sympathetic, but the reality is.. maybe you do have something to be worried about., and maybe your dad is right in his frustration? What might get him off yer back for a bit, is showing him that you are thinking about the future. Start looking at schools, compare the programs. Start researching a possible career. Its YOUR life man, yer pops is just worried for you! Sometimes all they need is a sign that your trying to better yourself, for them to step back and say "okay, i trust you then" Last edited by -evil-duerr-; Oct 27, 05 at 12:50 PM.
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