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Jan 12, 06
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disappearing boy... :(
So... the jist of the story is I met someone at work, we've been hanging out for a couple months now and things have gone really good. I mean like... clicking right away, cuddling, him telling me he was glad he met me... A total sweetheart and gentleman, holding my hand in public and telling me he's picky when it comes to girlfirends but that this is going well blah blah blah. Even holding my hand in front of his bros... such a shock to me haha.
Now maybe I'm exagerating when I say vanished, but in the first month and a half since we met we barely went a few days without having some sort of contact, seeing eachother, talking, or cute text messages (he'd think of me and go out of his way to send me sweet goodnight or have a good day at work messages). We werent obsessive we just saw eachother quite regularely, last time I hung out with him the topic of my shows came up and he said that he has jealousy issues and that he probably shouldn't come to my shows (which is a real huge part of my life). we didnt really talk about it much, I guess I just left it at what he said. I saw him at work once, he came there and went out of his way to get my attention before he left so I doubt hes avoiding me. so boys, am I just being too much of a girl driving myself crazy why he hasnt called or replied in almost two weeks? Hes super busy moving and finalizing bank stuff etc etc, but.... would it be that hard to send me one of those cute little messages? The thing is I know it could be something silly like he lost his phone but I cant help worrying if its maybe something more. more specifically, if things were going like super duper great, what kind of reasons would you totally stop talking to the girl? And would not being able to handle your jealousy if shes in a high jealousy risk occupation be one of them? 
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Jan 12, 06
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did you put out?
sounds kinda shallow, but if he didnt get any action then maybe he moved on to a women with "looser" morals. or maybe he is just busy. you must know that when you have a lot on your plate a week can go by in the blink of an eye. Last edited by mojo; Jan 12, 06 at 02:34 PM.
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Jan 12, 06
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I believe as a guy...,
Guys have very one tracked minds. He is probably just too busy into his work right now. If he went out of his way to get your attention then of course he is not avoiding you. Give him time to finish some things he has going on. Just dont hold it against him. GoodLuck.
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Jan 12, 06
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Even though I am not a guy....
I would say try not to worry about it. If you aren't dating each other, then shrug it off the best you can. I don't think you are being crazy, but more-so over analyzing. Just go with it!
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Jan 12, 06
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ya i would comment on this but i cant tell if you two are dating or what the whole deal is.
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Jan 12, 06
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if you arent dating, hold your head up high. you made your effort to contact him, if he won't return the same effort hes not worth it. i mean really, how hard is it to send a txt msg while you are laying in bed before you go to sleep? if he doesn't msg you eventually, then he is slime and you can hate men again for awhile.
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Jan 12, 06
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Jan 12, 06
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i just think not even sending a txt msg is lame. it takes like three seconds to say YO.
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Jan 12, 06
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We are dating.. not b/f and g/f or anything but, He's even been going around telling people.. using those exact words haha. (i'm still pretty amazed by some of the things this boy does.) Its deffinately not just a booty thing, and no I didnt put out but hes not that kind of guy. Not only because he doesnt act like that with but its been demonstrated time and again from the person he is and people he knows that hes not going to up and leave because he didnt get laid after a month and a half of dating.
Haha, I find it funny how the guys are like dont worry etc etc. Its true though, a week can go by pretty quickly when youre buying a house, working... hes even being trained at work right now so maybe thats the case. (especially since at least 5 of these days I know for a fact he was working crazy shifts and I was super busy too so I didnt even bother calling him) But on the other hand, as a girl, (like silverwinged) i dont see how hard it would be to just quickly respond to a text message I sent to let me know hes alive and hasn't discomunicated me. Anyhoo, I know I'm overanalyzing a bit but I cant help it. I'm doing pretty good though, I'm not thinking about it 24-7, calling and messaging him constantly, or lurking around his house hahaha. I just needed some insight and assurance I guess... Because I really REALLY like this boy, the way things have been going I could see myself falling madly in love with him and being with him for a while. I'm not going to let that go without a fight, especially considering my plan WAS to hate boys and be uber single for at least a couple years.... then he stumbled in, got me addicted to his cuddles and is keeping them to himself... fucker :P
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Jan 12, 06
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you know what i mean.
i just think that if they are both into each other and they both know, there really is no excuse to be distant for two weeks.
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Jan 12, 06
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I totally wouldn't hold it against him, I'm pretty patient with that stuff and certainly dont expect me to be his first priority haha. But it sure would be nice if I just knew what was going on. Because the thing I'm worrying about more than if hes avoiding me is that something happened to him or someone in his life, I just want to know hes alive, doing ok and still thinking of me. ALL THAT TAKES IS ONE SIMPLE CALL, MESSAGE OR EMAIL BOYS!@)(#&$% ps. to those of you wondering if we are daiting, I wouldn't be so concerned if we didnt talk for a couple weeks if we weren't dating, and if it wasnt such a big change from the frequency of which he contacted me and asked me to hang out before.
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Jan 12, 06
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Maybe they think we expect more than just a simple call so they dont bother if they are too busy, or they really are so one track minded that if they take a minute to call us and tell us whats up their other train is going to fall off the track? bbbaaaaah, this is one of the reasons I didnt want to get involved with boys for a long time, but the part that sucks is that hes worth a couple weeks of fretting it out... so far :P
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Jan 12, 06
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i dont think ALL guys do.
the one you are dealing with seems perfectly capable of a phone call/txt msg. which leads into further questioning of why hes being such a flake. god i hate flakey people.
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Jan 12, 06
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the underpants gnomes kidnapped him...theyre holding him for ransom.
AND THE RANSOM IS YOUR UNDERPANTS!!!!! roflornia U.S.A!
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Jan 12, 06
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Seriously, I'm with nabs. I think you're overstressing it. And that can be bad because it can lead to confrontation and yelling and all kinds of fun stuff like that.
Y'know, sometimes people need a short breather. Just a break from constant communication. How long you been seeing this guy? And you can't stand to not hear from him for 2 days? seeeeettle doooown. Give him some time, stop texting him and give him some breathing space for a bit. Call him in a couple days or so if you still haven't heard back.
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Jan 12, 06
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why dont you just call him?
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Jan 12, 06
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Dont crowd him, but give him a call sometimes to tell him youre still there and still interested.
I think when guys are thinking about work. they can forget about everything else. So thats probably why he wouldnt text message before he goes to sleep. Especially when there are so many things going on, like you mentioned before. And it is that way with guys, if something deters their attention, the attention for the initial thing goes away. My example, when im busy with school work, i make sure my cell phone is off, but if its on and i get a call I will lose almost all my attention in my school work and can talk for the rest of the night.
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Jan 12, 06
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whoah, hold your horses! I havent heard from him in two weeks, not two days. ANd I am not texting him constantly or calling or anything. The first few days I knew he was working, and he was busy with bank stuff. So i didnt even call him once, figured he would get in touch with me when he could or when he wanted to do something. Its now been quite a while since thena nd the only thing I texted or called him for is to invite him to my show, then once again. All of which I have left at least two days inbetween before trying again. I'm not stalking the guy, I'm attempting to contact him only because its been quite a while, and its just enough to let him know I'm thinking of him. Because to me thats important enough to take two seconds out of my busy schedule to do once in a couple weeks. On the other hand I know I may be over-reacting a tiny bit (but only in the emotional/mental sense), maybe its because I've been so used to him calling and texting and asking me to do something so often... then it just stops, a girls going to worry a bit. I think I've handled it well and really was just looking for a guys view on the topic and maybe a little reassurance and a place to vent about it so that I dont get too upset or too needy!
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Jan 12, 06
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thank you, that is ALL i've been doing. I'm not some crazy bitch watching him sleep through his window or carving his name into my arm haha. The real point to this is all is that it just sucks, I miss him and I dont like feeling like I have to wonder if he cant handle certain things between us or if hes just being a busy boy. I guess because I took a second to let him know I'm still here it would have been nice if he could have done so as well... especially in response to my reasonable amount of calls. But I'm not going to go singlewhitefemale on his ass because of it, I promise ebbomega! i think one of the reasons I even thought enough of it to bring it up on here is because its kind of been stewing, I havent had anyone to really talk to it about and I'm getting a little overwhelmed with stuff going on in my life that it would be nice just to escape into his arms right now.. or at least know that he isnt running from me like so many boys have. Last edited by MistressSpankME; Jan 12, 06 at 03:41 PM.
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Jan 12, 06
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well the whole situation sounds fucked up.
that whole dating for 1.5months and no BF/GF thing i cant comment on, ive dated girls for like 2-3 weeks before they officially became the GF so to me that seems like kinda of a long time to just stay dating, and your not pounding yet so maybe he just considers you a cuddle buddy or something, in which case i doubt ur on the top of his priority list. You might have to do a lil work to get on top of his priority list.A) call him B) talk to him about whats really goin on with you two very sketchy
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Jan 12, 06
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hmmm,
Sounds like he is busy... and maybe a bit confused. He might think you want to move things ahead and he isnt ready, or maybe he wanted to move things ahead but thought you might not be ready. And now he is pre occupied with other things and maybe cant handle your job. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I was still used to living my life completley just around me, as a single person. Now that I have been with my guy for almost 9 months we live our life together, I plan everything around him too. But it takes time to get to that point. He could just be busy. Have you noticed even when you make a new friend, you will hang out non stop at first, then you get kinda used to each other and it becomes once and week type hang out. Anyways, My addvice would be... Call him, hopefully you will get the voice mail and just something like "hey, just wondering what you have been up to. we havent talked in a bit, I just want you to know I liked how things were going, I like you being a part of my life and just wanna know what is up. Im into you, but I would just at least like to know you are ok and maybe we can chill sometime." Make him know your not crazy and you just want truth be chill about it
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Jan 12, 06
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^ hahah i Dont think its that sketchy. I date people for months, even a year before I go out with them because I dont just go out with anyone before I really know them... same with him. Just wondering how old you are because to me and to him we dont want to waste our time with rushed relationships that might turn out to be nothing really... We're looking for something that might last a while and consideirng how things have been going that just might happen. He wanted to wait to get his own place before he got a g/f too, considering his parents wont even let me sleepover haha.
Anyways, this has helped. I had a smoke and thought about it and some of you boys are right. As a girl, and as someone who has alot going on right now but nothing compared to stuff he has to deal with right now... I dont see why it would be so hard to contact someone you obviously care about to let them know whats up. But he has alot of stuff do deal with and I tend to be quite a distraction sometimes so I'm sure hes just concentrating on his stuff, which is good and I certainly dont expect to get in the way of that. And when I really think about it it hasnt been that long since we talked but compared to how it used to be the fact that it stopped all of a sudden kind of threw me off. I was never doing the crazy girl thing wondering what I did wrong or if I smelled funny last time I saw him, or that he has to see me and call me constantly. I'm also a little regretfull that I didnt say things to assure him hes more than just a rebound for me and the whole him being jealous of my shows scared me a bit... Its something I took for granted with my last boyfriend so after him syaing he thinks it would be best if he wasnt involved in something so important in my life brought up some big worries about me finding someone that will be able to be a part of something so important for me. and hardstylin, I did call him.. I"m not sitting around freaking out expecting him to just call me! And I'm certainly not going to fuck him just so I become priority over some very important and very time/concentration consuming things in his life. I've let him know I miss him and to call me when hes not busy so I'll just buck up and be patient, I have plenty of things I need time dealing with and that seeing him regularely might get in the way of as well. Maybe I'm just not as disciplined as he is!!
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Jan 12, 06
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haha you read my mind.. i was worried that I didnt show him enough that I really could see myself being with him and that he was more than just a rebound (He kind of got quiet when I told him i had recently gotten out of a major relationship). And wished I had adressed this jelousy thing more so that he wouldnt just run away and try to avoid it. Like I said, I know for a fact hes busy and I did what you said... just let him know I care about him and miss him and that I know hes busy and I dont expect anymore than an email or text message just to know that him... and us are still ok. I'm not going to try again for a few days just to give him a chance to breathe and get in touch with me when and if he can/wants. I think there even was a point that we both mutally cooled things down a bit by not seeing or calling eachother for a few days, its been pretty intense right from the start so I can totally understand why someone would need to back away from things a teeny bit especially if they had alot of very important stuff to get done. Last edited by MistressSpankME; Jan 12, 06 at 04:09 PM.
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