Friends: When to get rid of them

[Grapes]

This is retyped from The Guardian newspaper here in England. I typed all this out by hand, so you might as well read it. You're bound to find at least one category that makes you laugh.


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If new survey-based evidence is to be believed, friendships among the under-30s last an average of five years or less. We all know that somtimes it is best to lose touch, but who should you ditch first?.. and when? We present a handy guide to friendship shelf-life.

10 years - lifetime: neighbours who are doctors; people who possess compromsing photos of you; family members; hangers-on; co-dependants; imaginary friends; low-maitenance friends; fellow monks; friends who might conceivably one day be in a position to dedicate a book to you; people with access to libellous gossip

5 -10 years: cell mates; those changed by fame; those who can't adjust to your fame; best friends who subsequently marry your ex; schoolfriends who grow up to be stupid.

2 - 5 years: work colleagues; drinking buddies; fellow book club members; the amusingly rude; the indiscrete; flatmates who remain unemployed for this duration; friends who side with your ex; friends whose spouses you can't stand; anyone who fails to notice that you have been carrying a torch for them all this time

1 - 2 years: friends who know famous people but fail to introduce you within the allotted time frame; teens who congregate on the corner near your regular parking space; freinds whose shortcomings, it transpires, closely match your own; restaurant owners; dinner party deadwood

6 - 8 months: Tories; sister of former boyfriend; anyone pregnant with triplets; friends-of-friends who are planning a lavish party; people who can't drive; web-based friends; anyone whose surname you can't remember after all this time

1 - 3 months: ex-boyfriends/girlfriends who clearly don't want to give things another try; acquaintances who strike you as capable of burglary; fellow reality-show contestants; upstairs neighbors

2 weeks or less: acquaintances made during management team-building exercise; anyone you meet on holiday; anyone who appears to be able to see right through you

24 hours or less: fellow passengers in stuck elevator; fellow passengers on stalled train; first colleauge who you speak to on first day of new job; person sitting near you at a wedding; strangers in a position to do you a favour but who subsequently decline to help; famous people you have met while drunk; anyone, 24 hours before the earth explodes

[prozac]

ha ha.

cute.

[Senior]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1793581,00.html

Originally Posted by Grapes

This is retyped from The Guardian newspaper here in England. I typed all this out by hand, so you might as well read it. You're bound to find at least one category that makes you laugh.


*******
If new survey-based evidence is to be believed, friendships among the under-30s last an average of five years or less. We all know that somtimes it is best to lose touch, but who should you ditch first?.. and when? We present a handy guide to friendship shelf-life.

10 years - lifetime: neighbours who are doctors; people who possess compromsing photos of you; family members; hangers-on; co-dependants; imaginary friends; low-maitenance friends; fellow monks; friends who might conceivably one day be in a position to dedicate a book to you; people with access to libellous gossip

5 -10 years: cell mates; those changed by fame; those who can't adjust to your fame; best friends who subsequently marry your ex; schoolfriends who grow up to be stupid.

2 - 5 years: work colleagues; drinking buddies; fellow book club members; the amusingly rude; the indiscrete; flatmates who remain unemployed for this duration; friends who side with your ex; friends whose spouses you can't stand; anyone who fails to notice that you have been carrying a torch for them all this time

1 - 2 years: friends who know famous people but fail to introduce you within the allotted time frame; teens who congregate on the corner near your regular parking space; freinds whose shortcomings, it transpires, closely match your own; restaurant owners; dinner party deadwood

6 - 8 months: Tories; sister of former boyfriend; anyone pregnant with triplets; friends-of-friends who are planning a lavish party; people who can't drive; web-based friends; anyone whose surname you can't remember after all this time

1 - 3 months: ex-boyfriends/girlfriends who clearly don't want to give things another try; acquaintances who strike you as capable of burglary; fellow reality-show contestants; upstairs neighbors

2 weeks or less: acquaintances made during management team-building exercise; anyone you meet on holiday; anyone who appears to be able to see right through you

24 hours or less: fellow passengers in stuck elevator; fellow passengers on stalled train; first colleauge who you speak to on first day of new job; person sitting near you at a wedding; strangers in a position to do you a favour but who subsequently decline to help; famous people you have met while drunk; anyone, 24 hours before the earth explodes

[Grapes]

Dammit. I looked for that.

Oh well. My version doesn't have ads. And it contains a secret ingredient: LOVE

PS way to quote my whole message for no particular reason

[Senior]

Originally Posted by Grapes

Dammit. I looked for that.

Oh well. My version doesn't have ads. And it contains a secret ingredient: LOVE

cut and paste it MAN.

[mapleleaf4ever]

heh heh good one!

[galaxie]

Originally Posted by Grapes

6 - 8 months: Tories;

AHAHAHAHAHA!!

[djOKIBI]

Originally Posted by Grapes

24 hours or less: anyone, 24 hours before the earth explodes

Haha.

[gnosis]

Good effort, lad!

Frosty
(4 clicks as opposed by a thousand)

[dabbler]

i make a point now to get rid of friends who can't trusted. funny read i guess, but kinda just random overall imo

[Grapes]

It's meant to be comically detached. That's the point. It's a commentary on what it means to be social (and anti-social) in our world.

[Revolver]

hey...im spot on in the 2-10 years catagory...

"yeap that sounds like my buds"...i what i find myself saying. lol.

[Grapes]

I identified with the torch carrying one.

Flatemates unemployed for the duration made me lol.