feeling left behind

[t-skywalker]

i hate it!!! i hate the feeling of not knowing where you stand with a friend..if you ever matter ...i wonder...i hate wondering i should just know...

but there are some friends who seem to be around to vent, bitch, or just spend time with you ..and suddenly when everything that was wrong, pans out they put you on the back burner..forget about you ..and the only time you hear from them is when its conveinent for them, typically to bitch or need a friend...

i cant deal with inconsistancy(sp?)..but i care too much...

i know what a person would say if they didnt have feelings involved..so has anyone ever gone thru this and were confussed how to deal with it...what choices did you make ...how did you deal with it???

its very heart tugging:(

[Silverwinged]

i know exactly what you mean.
i woke up the other morning and realized someone who i thought was a close friend has been doing this to me for months and months.
I like being the person they can come to with their problems but it seems when its my turn to talk or need a shoulder, they are never there or they manipulate the subject back towards themselves.
arrrg!
its fucking so selfish and i hate it.

i think i'm just going to grow a thicker skin and brush this person off when they decide to "need" my friendship again. see how the react. oooh. man will they get an ear full if they dare complain!

[baby-phat]

Yeah.. It really sucks when you consider someone a pretty good friend and think that they are, but it seems the only time they ever want to talk is when they need advice. I don't mind helping out friends and giving advice, in fact I like it alot, but when that's damn near the only time they say more than a few sentences it kinda hurts. :( And then when you need someone to gripe to they have a tendency to be 'really busy' or 'on their way out' or something else along those lines.
It's too bad I didn't notice it way sooner.. but oh well.
I guess I haven't really dealt with this since I still talk to this person.. but like I said, never more than a few sentences here and there- unless she's feeling particularly chatty.
Pooh on all those inconsistent people aka 'fair-weather' friends.

[t-skywalker]

^^^AWW ......you ladies know then....im glad it doesnt just happen to me..my bestfriend always says they are asshole who are using me...but i wonder sometimes if its me or something....guess not tho....hugs~ noone should go thru this feeling

[baby-phat]

Some people are just assholes.. whether they mean to be or not.
And those people need to think about how they treat certain friends, and then treat them better. :)

[-evil-duerr-]

ditch those user friends for awhile.
theyll get used to not having to rely on you for their particular need . If theyre a good friend, theyll see sometings wrong and ask you whatsup?

Or instead of avoiding them, you can be straight up, and tell them whats bothering you. If they stop being your friend, or like you any less after what youve told them, theyre obviously assholes who arent worth your time and love!

[baby-phat]

^^ Good advice. :) Thanks.

[neoh]

... :070:

[EaTmYsHoRtZ]

i think every girl has gone thur this problem b4...n even guys (but not so much)... i feel the same way u do alot of the time when it comes to my friends too... ive thought about it n realised that maybe they arent doin it on purpose...cuz im sure that i do the same thing sometimes not even realizing it...so maybe they dont realize they're doing it either.... or maybe they r jus not good friends at all... u kinda jus gotta go with ur gutt fealing about it.. the good friends always come back tho...maybe not right away...but eventually they do :)

[SWIFTBEATS]

i think sometimes when you meet someone who needs your help and you indeed help them, they associate you with the problems they were dealing with at the time.

give them time, the good ones come back when they've realized what you've done for them.

[Play-it-hard]

Its hard when u and ur friends start to drift apart because they have a new boyfriend, Thats the worse thing, and it jus makes u feel even more lonely cause now you dont have a boyfriend and you never get to see your friend

[g!ggles]

Originally Posted by t-skywalker

i hate it!!! i hate the feeling of not knowing where you stand with a friend..if you ever matter ...i wonder...i hate wondering i should just know...

but there are some friends who seem to be around to vent, bitch, or just spend time with you ..and suddenly when everything that was wrong, pans out they put you on the back burner..forget about you ..and the only time you hear from them is when its conveinent for them, typically to bitch or need a friend...

i cant deal with inconsistancy(sp?)..but i care too much...

i know what a person would say if they didnt have feelings involved..so has anyone ever gone thru this and were confussed how to deal with it...what choices did you make ...how did you deal with it???

its very heart tugging:(

I beleive that a friendship is a two way thing. You give a lil and they give a lil back. When it gets to the point where you are the only one giving and they only give back when they feel like it.. it's time to let go. I'm one of those ppl that gives chance after chance after chance and I get stepped on and hurt all of the time b/c I can't let go. However I've recently had an experience with one of my best friends who just suddenly stopped talking to me. She never returns phone calls or talks to me on MSN or anything. She got a "new" set of friends and totally forgot about me but im here when she needs to bitch about them. So im trying to let myself know that that is a sign and that ppl grow apart sometimes. Even though I've known her for over 17 years and it makes me really upset I try to convince myself that she is not the same person and I can either have really good memories of when she was my best friend or have these bad ones of her being the way that she is now. Basically what you need to do is think of them as an acquaintance and not a close friend. After time it won't really matter, will start to ware off and wont hurt as much.

[gratia]

dude...i just had this convo with katie like an hour ago. toooo many times have i given myself and been completely drained and wrecked in a friendship. NOT A HEALTHY PATERN IN LIFE! and now.....i am facing it once again. and it is freaking hard to just sit and watch...but that is what i have to do. frick...lately i have been realizing that i don't really have any friends. i mean i have lots of fun people i hang out with. i have old friends from the past that pop up every once in a while. but i don't have anyone who truely understands me. maybe there isn't such a thing. but i am determined to find that someone. i miss having a person i know i can share anything and everything with and know i will still be loved the same. bleh...sometimes i feel so fragmented. i hate it. i just want someone to listen while i talk...that's all...

[baby-phat]

Originally Posted by gratia

frick...lately i have been realizing that i don't really have any friends. i mean i have lots of fun people i hang out with. i have old friends from the past that pop up every once in a while. but i don't have anyone who truely understands me.

I have that too hun. Although, while I do know that people understand me I don't have a really close friend that I can always count on. Not since I 'dumped' my best friend, since she ended up being one of those people we're bitching about in this thread (among other things). *sigh*

[gratia]

^^^^ yup...i feel ya ;)

[miss.myra]

Friendship should be a two way street, but for those that matter in your life the most, your love and care for them should be unconditional.

Sometimes when we have problems we can become really selfish and we don't even realize we do these things. If you don't know where you stand, then ASK! Sometimes people can be so caught up in things they don't know they are hurting those that matter the most until they say something!

I think it gets to a point where if you feel like you're being taken advantage of, then you've got to step up to the plate and communicate with those people, otherwise it's totally your fault the behaivor continues!

[neoh]

ditto.

[Bitchin]

I recently told someone that put me on the back burner exactly how I felt.

and how chocked I was about it.

I dunno if its gonna sink in...... but we'll see.