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| Coffee Lounge Talk amongst other community members. |
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Jan 26, 05
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~<Bad Taste Alert>~
Mrs. Robinson was walking down the street, one day, pregnant to the nines; ready to drop, anytime. BAM! She goes into labour and goes off to the hospital to have the baby. Next morning, the nurse comes walking in, carrying the baby. "Congratulations, Mrs. Robinson!", says the nurse, "You had a baby GIRL!" ...and she drops the baby. The nurse then KICKS it across the room where it bounces off the wall! The nurse goes running over, and KICKS IT _AGAIN_! It goes careening across the room and bounces off the other wall. The nurse runs over and HOOFS it, again! The baby goes flying off into the corner. The nurse runs over and picks it up by the _feet_. By this time, Mrs. Robinson is just LOOSING it! "My BABY!", she cries, "Wh-wh-wh-what are you doing to my BABY?!?!?" The nurse looks at her while holding the baby's feet, "Ha, ha! April Fool, Mrs. Robinson! It was born dead, anyway!!!" Frosty (I didn't make it up!!!!) 
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Jan 26, 05
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How many grips does it take to change a lightbulb?
-*SMASH!* How can you spot the Teamsters' kids in the playground? -They're the ones standing around watching the _other_ kids play. Whaddya call a gay Irishman? - A Gay-lick Two pigs were in the shower. One says to the other, "Pass me the soap.". The other one says, "What do you think I am? A _radio_?" Frosty (Oh! Oh! Oh!)
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Jan 26, 05
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Jan 26, 05
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WHAT DID THE PILSBURY DOUGH BOY DIE OF???
A YEAST INFECTION. *snap*
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Jan 26, 05
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Jan 27, 05
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A businessman sends a fax to his wife:
To My Dear Wife, "You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, with your 54 year old body, can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 Year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight." When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table. "My Dear Husband, I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who, like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow."
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Jan 27, 05
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A guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter isues him a white robe,
a harp, and his very own cloud to float around on. The guy thinks this is great. One day he sees another cloud float by. The guy on that cloud has a gorgeous, naked woman and a keg of beer with him. The guy finds St. Peter and complains to him. "How come this guy gets a gorgeous babe and keg of beer, when all I got is this white robe and a lousy harp? St. Peter says, "I know just who you're talking about. He's being punished." The guy can't beleive what he's hearing. "How can that be?" He asks. "Well," says St. Peter, "The keg has a hole in it, and the girl doesn't."
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Jan 28, 05
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Incase all who don't know this one, here's a classic:
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
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Jan 28, 05
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Apr 11, 05
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Ghost sex
A professor at Texas A&M was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hands. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Bubba from Texas, raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Bubba replied, "Shoot! From way back thar I thought you said, "Goats!"
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Apr 11, 05
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Why do they have a pile of shit at a Paki wedding?
To keep the flies off the bride.
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Apr 11, 05
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Where does the general keep his armies?
in his sleevies!!!!!! HAR HAR HAR HAR
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Apr 12, 05
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Whats the best thing about having sex with twentyeight year olds?
Theres twenty of them.
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