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May 10, 06
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Favourite Simpsons Quotes
We all know the 13 stripes are for good luck. But why does the American flag have precisely 47 stars?'
(Homer teaching Apu about the US flag) -------- Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart? Homer: New glasses? Marge: No...he looks like something might be disturbing him. Homer: Probably misses his old glasses. Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him. Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair. -------- Burns: Who is that lavatory links man, Smithers? Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir. One of the fork and spoon operators from sector 7-G. Burns: Well, he's certainly got a loose waggle. Perhaps I've finally found a golfer worthy of a match with Monty Burns, eh? Smithers: His waggle is no match for yours, sir. I've never seen you lose a game. Except for that one in '74 when you let Richard Nixon win. That was very kind of you, sir. "Oh, I can't go to prison, Monty. They'll eat me alive!" Burns: Oh, he just looked so forlorn, Smithers, with his (imitating Nixon)(Smithers laughs) I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation? Smithers: Unlikely, sir. They spell and pronounce their names differently. Burns: Bah! Schedule a game and I'll ask him myself. ------- Homer: Here are your messages. (reading answering machine messages) "You have thirty minutes to move your car". "You have ten minutes". "Your car has been impounded". "Your car has been crushed into a cube". "You have thirty minutes to move your cube". (phone rings and Homer answers) Hello, Mr. Burns' office. Burns: Is it about my cube? ------ also during the snake whacking day or whatever, when homer sets up parking on his lawn, charging 10 buckls per axle or soemthing then the guy with like 20 wheels drives up then homer says 'woohoo' and the foreign guy throws his arms up saying 'hooray' have to see it, the animation and his voice, classic. ------ "trab pu kcip" ------ "They say he carved it from a larger spoon" ------ lenny = white carl = black ------ Kirk Van Houten- "Ohhhh!!! my demo tape!" Homer- hmmm.... "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" Homer- Ha Ha Ha H ah ha... Can I Borrow a Feeling! ha ha ha ha ha! ------ radioactive man: up and at them! director: no, up and atom! radioactive man: up and at them! director: ... better ------ flanders and homer in the car flanders: "homer, we just hit something!" homer: "ha ha ha. hope it's flanders" ------ Burns - Does anyone have change for a button? ------ when burns is accepting ideas for the casino or whatever.. the guy and his retarded lookin hooker lady come in,, "FresHen ya drink govna!" ------ Ralph: "Can you make me look like this" (shows a picture of charlie brown) ------ homer at AA.. AA Lady: And we have sugar cookies and marshmallows Homer: These sugar cookies you speak of... are they symbolic? AA Lady: They're on that table, over there [points] Homer: Aw... all the way over there? I don't want to walk all the way over there... Anything that takes 12 steps isn't worth doing! Get it? Heh? Steps? [cut to a scene of Homer waking up in some bushes rubbing his head] ------ Barney: [dressed as Marge] Well, I'm off to market! [burps] Homer: Marge, you're making a complete fool of yours -- Oh, it's just Barney. ------ 2 plus 2 is 4, 2 plus 2 is 4, 2 plus 2 is 4 I can see why this show is so popular just a classic ------ Flanders: umm, are you going to be needing those things in cypress creek? Homer: .. Yes. Homer: .. Okely doookelly..? Flanders: Okely Dokely! ------ Scorpio: Give 'em the benefit of the years of your expierience Homer: don't worry that won't take long ------ scorpio: you know theres this place called Mary-annes hammocks. The nice thing is, Mary-anne gets in the hammock with ya! Hahaha.... I'm just kidding Homer: oh ------ Home: Something cutting edge like Edgecom... CutCo... Interslice... Marge: how about CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet? ------ Burns: Books and cocoa in the same store? What's next, a talking banana? [smiles and looks around] Smithers: Uh, I don't see one, sir. Burns: Of course not. The very notion of a talking banana is absurd. ------ Burns [scared]: Smithers, You shouldve seen the murderous glint in his eyes, and his breath reeked of beer and pretzeled bread ------ read all of those and keep em comin... Last edited by scue; May 10, 06 at 12:02 AM. 
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May 10, 06
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Barlow: Monty, I'm way ahead of you. If you'll just open that door you'll see the next mayor of Springfield.
[door opens to reveal a water cooler; everyone applauds] [the cooler bubbles] Senator: What'd it say? Barlow: No, no, no, Bob. Bob, come in! Bob: [enters wrapped in a US flag] A fine "Mahoke" to you all. Hibbert: Why, he's even better. Ranier: I agree. I like the human touch. ------- "not much on the air back then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over....A he'd say, then B... C would usually follow..." Last edited by scue; May 10, 06 at 12:39 AM.
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May 10, 06
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kent brockman: "this is channel 6 news copter. a large bear-like creature, most likly a bear, is running loosin our neighboorhoods in search of food or prehaps employment. please remain calm."
homer: "that does it! if im gonna be traped in the house , gotta go out and get some beer!" *homer climbs out of window on to telephone cable, scouring over his car and the bear who is now standing* homer: "and now to drop gracefully through the windshield........."
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May 10, 06
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http://www.homerize.com/shorts/
click episode 1 'good nite' to see the very very very first tracey ullman show short of the simpsons
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May 10, 06
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Quote:
Hoolay! "Well I'm rappin Abe Lincoln and I'm here to say, drinking duff beer is the only way, I said the Ooooonly way, breakdown! *chhk chhk chkk*" *** Scorpio: "Hold on Homer, I've gotta take this. Hello? Yes? What? How did that happen?? Well how much of it?? OK I'll be right there. Homer, I've got to go... Someone ate part of my lunch." Scorpio deux: "Homer don't call me Mr. Scorpion. It's Mr. Scorpio, but don't call me that either." *** Todd: Lisa, tell us a bedtime storry! Rodd: About robots.. name Rodd and Todd! Lisa: Once, there were two robots named Rodd and Todd. And Todd was 2 space years older than Rodd.. Rodd: I don't like this story! *** "Not many people know that I owned one of Springfields fiiirrrrst radios... there wasn't much on it back then... just Thomas Edison, reading the alphabet, over and over. "AAaaaAAaaaaa" he'd say..... then "B"........ "C" would uuusually follow.............." *** Moleman, reading menu: "Chicken.... pole...... yellow........ mailman......." Waiter: "Sir, that's the wine list" Moleman: "Very good." *** Nerd: "They're sending us a list of reasons why captain Picaaard is better than captain Kirk. Heh! Heh! ... they're out of their minds!!!" *** I could go on forever
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May 10, 06
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In fact, I will.
*** Smithers: Sir.. I think he's dead! Burns: Very well.. dismember the corpse and send the widow a ham! Homer: Woo hoo! Smithers: Wait!.. he's alive! Burns: Good.. cancel the ham. Homer: D'oh! *** Lenny: So.. is that a new mug? Karl: No.. Lenny: It looks different.. Karl: (annoyed) It's not.. *** Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such instructional video as "2 Minus 3 Equals Negative Fun!" and "Fireworks: The Silent Killer" Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such safety vidoes as "Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Leadfoot Larry" Here's an appealing fellow! In fact... they're a-PEELING him off the pavement! (can't do this without some Planet of the apes) I hate, every ape I see.. from chimpan-A to chimpanzee, oh you'll never make a monkey out of meeee... Oh my God! I was wrong.. it was earth, all along... oh you finally made a monkey- (background) Yes we finally made a monkey! Oh you finally, made a monkey, out of meeeeeeee!!! I love you Dr. Zauis! ***
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May 11, 06
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Homer: "It's not Uter-YOU, Marge.... It's Uter-US."
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May 11, 06
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homer: "ahh! not a bear in sight! the bear patrol must be working like a charm."
lisa: "that's odd dad. by that logic, i can say this rock here keeps tigers away." homer: "really? how does it work?" lisa: "it doesn't work." homer: "huh?" lisa: "it's just a stupid rock." homer: "oh." lisa: but i don't see any tigers around here, do you?" *silience* homer: "lisa, i would like to buy your rock........"
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May 11, 06
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Ralph: "This is my swing set and this is my sandbox... that's where I saw the Leprechaun....... he told me to burn things!"
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May 11, 06
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hmmm, i think i made the same thead a few years back....
"mountain dew or crab juice?" "ewwwww....Ill take a crab juice"
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May 12, 06
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Homer: Well crying isn't going to bring Santa's Little Helper back!.. unless your tears smelled like dog food. So you can either sit here crying, eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food that he comes back... or you can get out there and find your dog!
Bart: You're right dad! *runs off* Homer: Aww nuts! I almost had him eating dog food. *** Burns: And so, the worker of the year award goes to.... this inanimate carbon rod! *cheers* Homer: RRRGH! Inanimate eh?... I'll show them inanimate! ........................................ . *** Wiggum: And once a man enters your home, anything you do to him is nice and legal. Homer: Oh reeeeallly.... Oh Flanders! Won't you join me in my parlour? Flanders: Sure! Homer: Heh heh heh.. Wiggum: Uh.. it doesn't work if you invite him in. Homer: Aww! Flanders: Hidely-hi! Homer: Get lost. Flanders: Doodley-do! *** Shop owner: But beware! This doll carries a terrible curse! Homer: That's bad. Shop owner: But it comes with a free frogurt! Homer: That's good! Shop onwer: The frogurt is also cursed. Homer: That's bad. Shop owner: But it comes with your choice of topping! Homer: That's good! Shop owner: The toppings contain potassium benzoate. Homer: ... Shop owner: That's bad. Homer: Can I go now?
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May 12, 06
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Abe: This elevator only goes down... And someone made an awwwfuuuulll mess down there...
**** Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. **** Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up) **** Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life? Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries. **** Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No. Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal. Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. **** Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son." **** Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy. Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up. **** Bart: b-6 Homer: you sunk my scrabbleship! Lisa: this game makes no sense. Homer: tell that to the good men who just lost their lives... SEMPER-FI! **** Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down." **** Lenny: So then I said to the cop, "No, you're driving under the influence ... of being a jerk." Annnnnd I'm spent. Last edited by Silverwinged; May 12, 06 at 02:24 AM.
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May 12, 06
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Kent brockman: "local man homer simpson has crossed over into the communist ideal, here now speaking on his behalf is his father."
Grandpa: "my homer is not a communist. he may be a thief, a liar, a lazy oaf, a communist, but he's NOT a porn star!"
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