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Sep 25, 06
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Breakups
It's really upsetting when you get attached to a couple who both parts are your friends from even before they were together. You spend alot of time with them and then instead of being friends with the two individuals you make a new friendship with the couple itself. Then all of a sudden there is a huge breakup and not only are they affected but also the people around them.
Having a hard time dealing with the being inbetween part right now. I don't want to choose sides.. but it's hard when you love both of them. Any advice........ 
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Sep 25, 06
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That I would have to say is definitely one of the harder situations to be in when you're a friend because you're stuck in this triangle. Listen to their stories and how they are feeling but avoid trying to give advice and make sure they understand that you are not picking sides and do not favour one over the other. They will be defensive most likely and try to say you're picking sides with the other person, but just stand your ground. Hang in there sweets!
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Sep 25, 06
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i just pick a side and run with it
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Sep 25, 06
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it's the same when it's the other way around,
it's hard when you are friends with two people and then they get together as a couple because you don't know how to be friends with the two as a couple, only each as their own person. I would never want to be known as part of a couple, and that a friendship could be ruined because my friends are friends with me as a couple rather then me for me
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Sep 25, 06
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Sep 25, 06
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well I did say that it also goes for the other way around, and so you can use advice for both situations.
When your friends became the couple, you had to learn there common interests for when you hung out with them together. You knew them as seperates but together you had to learn how they fit together. Now it's time to relearn your friends as seperates. Don't be scared of what the other one thinks when you have to hang out with one and not the other. I'm sure you have different interests with each of them. If they are your friends, they will understand that you still are friends with their ex bf/gf.
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Sep 25, 06
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It's hard not to be in the middle. I'm always told that I have too big of a heart and that I care too much about others. I don't really know how to get out of my situation when they both come crying to me.....I just want to give them both bandaids and fix them.
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Sep 25, 06
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if they broke up, then you have to see why they did, something about them as a couple did not work. As much as you love them together, you should see as a friend that they would be happier not as a couple.
Love them and don't let them put you in the middle.
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Sep 25, 06
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....and lord knows, the messenger ALWAYS gets shot!
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Sep 25, 06
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wow!!!!!!!
i completely know what you're talking about. even a couple months later i'm still dealing with a situation like this, except the person on one side isn't just my friend, its my brother! problem being we were all in the same circle of friends. and the only thing that has worked for me is the "i really can't talk to you about this". theres no way you can't pick sides if your listening to both of them vent. being your friend and understanding you are still friends with the other person they should respect the fact that you can't listen to "their" side. when you do that on both sides you end up in a whirlwind of "he said, she said"(they WILL talk to each other about certain things still or a mutual friend will exercise a stupid conversation to them). i was there for both of them during the hardest part and there's a common spoken rule now that i don't listen to bashing of either person.
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Sep 25, 06
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a real friend would never ask you to do that. if they do, they're the one you should cut ties with if it actually becomes a serious decision
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Sep 25, 06
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I just hang out with both of them, and just don't mention that I was with the other. Right now I'm not friends with the person who asked me not to hang out with their ex.
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Sep 25, 06
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its a tough situation. and its true, do you really need to tell the other one that you're hanging out with their ex??? probably not. someone that insistant on making you choose doesn't have you in mind at all, they're only thinking for themselves and usually its more to do with jealousy than anything. and as far as i'm concerned, jealousy is your own problem, no one elses.
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Sep 25, 06
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if you cant tell ur friends there acting like a retard nobody can, they might get pissy for a few days but they will get over it. sometimes you need to give ur friends a kick in the ass from time to time.
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Sep 25, 06
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really.
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Sep 25, 06
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I don't think ive ever really been effected in this way. For one I kind of look forward to my gf's breaking up because they turn into awsome party friends. On the other hand although we often get use to them as a couple... I think its more respectful to look at them as two diffrent ppl then as one. I think it makes it more hard on the couple breaking up when there firends continue to look at them as a couple than individualy.
As for being in the middle... again I dont have a problem, thats what friends are for. I will knod and understand where you are coming from either side, but I wont actauly take a side unless one of them seriously f*cked up. Last edited by Ree Fresh; Sep 25, 06 at 04:55 PM.
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Oct 03, 06
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i say just be there to listen and be suportive but dont choose sides=) i know it is hard when these things happen. but make sure u dont involve ur self in the drama. it gets really emotional xoxoxox
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Oct 03, 06
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