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Apr 10, 07
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When other people use pet names with YOUR significant other!
Jeeez.
This makes me SO MAD. My boyfriend has this one friend, and she is alllllllways referring to him as "hun" and "babe", etc, but today was the last straw! She referred to him as "lover" and I just about freaking lost it. Ok, so I did lose it. I think it's so absolutely rude and classless for people to do this. I don't CARE how long you've been friends, once he/she is off the market pet names should be reserved for the significant other ONLY (moms are an exception). So, I sent her this message: "I don't mean to be a bitch but I think it's kind of rude to refer to another woman's boyfriend as "lover". I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from using that kind of terminology with my boyfriend. I understand that you've probably been friends for years, but I'm sure you can understand my discomfort with it as his girlfriend - you'd probably feel the same way. Thanks :)" Too harsh? Not harsh enough? I really wanted to be all "bitch get it through your head he's myyyyy man so step off!" but you know, I try to keep it classy :P 
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Apr 10, 07
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harsh enough. props to you for not flipping at him. its not his fault hes got bitches all over some new improved shit
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Apr 10, 07
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Though I was kind of ticked because I'd told him in the past that it bothered me but he clearly never addressed it with her. I feel kind of weird that I had to message her instead of him just talking to her about it, but I'd rather address it than leave it alone and let it bother me.
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Apr 10, 07
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I would react the exact same way! It's quite a flirtatious move on her part, so I'm hoping she won't try to play innocent about it.
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Apr 10, 07
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I'm on good terms with a number of ex girlfriends. A lot of them still call me "hun" or "babe" or whatever. I also get "Darling" a lot because it's one of my given names (friends who don't wanna call me Dave because it's too normal, and don't wanna call me Leckie because I resented being called that for a long time). If my gf has a problem with this, she better just plain learn to deal because these girls have been calling me that before she was around, and it ain't gonna stop now that we're dating.
Granted, they never call me "lover" and I'd probably bite back at that one... "Maybe in your little fantasy world missy, but then again I'm in every girl's fantasy" That would be followed by my girlfriend giving me a shot to the arm, though. But I'd rather her give me a shot to the arm than being vindictive towards my friends.
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Apr 10, 07
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Some girls don't understand that whatever flirty pet naming relationship you might have had, no longer exsists once there is a girlfriend in the picture. A sister of one of my boyfriends long term best friends used to always rub her tits all over my boyfriend. It didn't matter that I was right there. She was an evil cunt with no respect for me or our relationship. She is twice my size and really mean..so I definitely wasnt going to confront her. Instead I told my boyfriend that she wasnt welcome in our home if she behaved like that...if he didn't like that - he could break up with me. That was 3 years ago and we are currently looking at engagement rings. She will not be invited to the wedding =D Some girls are just so trashy. Good job Galaxie!
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Apr 10, 07
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I guess it's more, I've had relationships in the past where the girl has gotten pissed off with a close friend of mine simply because they glomped onto me and started chatting me up in full-hug mode because I hadn't seen them in like a year or so. girlfriend ended up glaring at her and hating her for ages. If you can't get over the fact that I have close friends that are female then you have no business dating me.
I'm not saying that her message itself was vindictive, but she's damn well pissed at this person. I'm just saying I'd rather her give me shot to the arm then hold it against the chick. Flirtatious chatter is probably one of the most common forms of inter-gender small talk there is, especially between very outgoing personalities. Usually when a guy is hitting on my girlfriend I take it as a compliment. After all, she's ultimately going home with me, right?
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Apr 10, 07
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^ Yeah, I just think it's tactless. I don't blame him, and I just sent her the message to tell her that it makes me uncomfortable and I don't appreciate it. It's not like she's his close friend, either. They bumped into one another a few months ago and hadn't seen each other for 4/5 years.
It also bugs me because none of his other female friends are like that whatsoever.
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Apr 10, 07
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^ Actually, I told him before I sent the message and asked him if he minded. He said no, go ahead, and that he would have felt very uncomfortable, too. It's definitely not a trust issue, and we have a very open relationship in terms of communication, so we both understand each others' comfort levels when it comes to this type of thing. We talk about absolutely everything and I never would have sent her a message without talking to him about it first.
Anyhow, she wrote back, apologizing, and said that she never meant to make me feel uncomfortable, but that using words like that are just part of her vocabulary and she didn't think anything of it. So, I'm happy she apologized. She's a few years younger than my boyfriend and me, so I guess she just hasn't gotten to the point where she has enough foresight to realize that those types of comments aren't appropriate when addressing someone else's significant other. Last edited by galaxie; Apr 10, 07 at 10:38 PM.
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Apr 11, 07
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i think u had every right to react the way you did. not to harsh at all.
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Apr 11, 07
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that said, lover steps over the line. galaxie: i think you went about it perfectly. any meaner & she'd have spread to everyone she could about what a bitch you were. but calling someone hun or whatever: who cares?
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Apr 11, 07
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Nat I think you handled it perfectly even though you wanted to whip that bee-och to hell. Telling Tim your concerns and than the letter you wrote was well done... and hopefully you got a sincere apology back.
I wouldn't have worried about "hun" or "babe" so much depending on the friendship and way it was used. "lover" is pushing it and if shes saying it while your around than she should know that shes invading your turf and making you uncomfortable.
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Apr 11, 07
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If a girl were to ever tell one of my friends what vocabulary she is and isn't allowed to use towards me, the relationship would be over without a second thought. I wouldn't even feel bad about it. They're just words... it's the actions that I have an issue with.
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Apr 11, 07
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That being said, I respect the fact that it does bother you. I was just saying, some people just don't see it your way. Speaking to him about it before sending that letter was wise because I'd perceive that as a trust issue. I think you handled it well, I just felt a desire to state my moral standing since it was actually on topic for once.
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Apr 11, 07
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"lover" sounds pretty tongue in cheek to me, i wouldn't take it too seriously. i mean, they aren't lovers so i don't see why it would bother you. i'd be more worried about the more sincere "babes", "huns", etc than the obvious jokes. that said, it bugs you so fair enough. now she won't say it anymore (or at least you won't hear her say it, ahah).
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Apr 11, 07
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^ I think there's a huge difference between saying "Hey baby, how was your day?" and "Aww honey schmoopsie pie how aaaaaaare you?" Y'know?
I agree with Mekim, I think that the boundaries should be set at the beginning of the relationship. And I don't understand why it has to be a trust issue - for me it's more of a "why is your friend so immature? what is this, grade 9?" issue. Her comment made him feel uncomfortable, too, so I'm glad that I said something to her because he'd probably be too passive to have addressed it himself. It is definitely just a matter of opinion, but so far tideye is the only one who's disagreed with me so far...so I guess maybe you've just got a thick skin or have never been put in this kind of a situation. Erik's woman is right, some things just get under my skin. And one of them is girls that call each other bitches, as in "heeey how's my bitch?" and crap like that. They just talk like they're stupid, and from what I've gathered that's how this girl talks (or at least, types) so no wonder it irritated me.
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Apr 11, 07
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the worst ive had is another lady actaully asking a boyfriend to dump me for her.... that sucked ALOT and although i can kinda see that on her side it probably took alot of balls to do that, i think and will always think that it was petty\hurtful\crime against me as a person. the boyfriend didnt leave me, but it still sucked and left a very large sore spot referring to her. and i feel terrible about that, but really, its hard not to.
if some other broad called the boyfriend a pet name, i'd be pretty upset - now i wouldnt know if was due to the above situation, but it would just make me feel uncomfertable and crappy. you can be as secure as anything in your relationship, but shit like that can still make you upset. i dont think its a trust issue, i think its a being human issue. could be a bit of jealousy and a bit of "he's MY man" (with a snap) but either way, its not something that should be ignored. i probably would have been alot more dramatic about the situation to be honest. good on you for keeping your cool.
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Apr 11, 07
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I think it's good you said something (I know that would bother me a lot), but I also think at the same time you have to sometimes let your 'too passive' boyfriend get a chance to try being assertive with people- especially if it bothered him too.
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I'm dealing with a very serious, emotional, and personal issue right now. . .
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why is jealousy considered a bad thing again?
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