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May 20, 03
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Do you ever cry because you feel you let someone down?
I recently got into a big arguement with my parents, and I found myself suddenly losing all control of my emotions.
I was a wreck, screaming through the arguement to the point where my parents almost gave up even talking to me, but then they figured out why I was like this. The reason is because deep down I feel like I let them down. I feel I hurt them, and in return I hurt myself. I feel I let everyone down. I feel like i should k ill myself, because of all the shit I did. My friends that I hurt, and more than that I hurt myself in a big big way. Has anyone ever experienced this self-depression brought on by guilt, i gu ess you could say. I just feel alone cause I havent really ever been this badly in a situation like this, and it hurts 
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May 20, 03
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We all let people down at some point, most of us will screw up royally. We hurt people that love us most, it's because they love us that we have th epower to hurt them. We will all let ourselves down too. That doesn't make any of the process any easier - but just know everyone you see on the street has done something so dumb they wished they hadn't.
It's hard to make up these things to others if you don't first make up with yourself - You'll never be able to change anything you might have done in the past, but you have a good grasp on your own future. Death is the most selfish option, you think you've let people down in the past - killing yourself is the ultimate let down to others - you ruin a piece of every person who loves you when you choose death over life. And that stays with them forever. If you have had so much negativity in your life recently, a good cry every now and again helps the healing (I think) You really do need to take some time and forgive yourself - you can't let guilt run the rest of your life most importantly know that there are people who still love you, despite things that have been done - and maybe you can borrow some of their strength to start the journey back to loving yourself and rediscovering life and smile best wishes * Jingles
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May 20, 03
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Not to be rude or anything. But do you ever get sick of trying to make people feel sorry for youself? Or sick of talking about killing yourself, and how life is so hard.
People who acually are depressed enough to want to kill themselves, don't announce it to the whole world. There are so many people in this world who have 10000000 times worse problems then you. So go see a freakin psychologist, or councler, and stop freakin feeling sorry for your self. Be happy you acually have parents who care enough to stand there and listen to you bitch about your life, or be HAPPY that you acually HAVE PARENTS. Real friends stick around. If your friends left...then they weren't good friends to start off with...Go meet new people. Its not that hard. Sorry if any of this sounds harsh, BUT I HATE it when people just beg for attention from people.
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May 20, 03
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yeah man i feel that way all the time..fuck the other night i was glad i didn't have a gun cuz i wouldve blown my brains out i was so depressed...but thats beccause of the drugs i did so i ate half a bottle of 5htp the other day and now i feel more or less normal.
but kenji your problems are a little more serious then mine..don't go doing anything rash man because theres too many peopel that care about you....you know my number dude..give me a shout if theres anything you need help sorting out.
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May 20, 03
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tease.
i hear you. but what you just said was really ignorant. what if this person is serious and this is their cry for help. statistically almost all suicide cases give a cry for help before anything serious happens. if you don't know this person well enough to be saying the shit you're saying then i suggest you shut the fuck up. and jingles. well said. i totally agree 100% with everything you just said!
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May 20, 03
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but do u talk to any of my friends, parents, or whoever. At leasst they know me and know I am not bullshitting when I talk about all this. It fucken really hurts, and if you actually knew me in person instead of judging me based Solely on my posts on f&k...maybe you would know this huh? Finally jingles you summed everythuing up pretty nicely. thanx for making sense of a situation that really didn't make sense to me at the time. I knew i shouldn't have posted something like this... someone always has something snarky or negative to say.... bah fucking eh
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May 20, 03
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^^^^ you post about things like this all the time kenji, thats why she said something.
but seriously...i do agree with her in the sense that i think you really really need to get some help. this isnt healthy...i know you know that. we've all been were you are now. dont be a pussy and kill yourself, prove your something more and live.
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May 20, 03
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i'm not going to kill myself, i am going to live, but that alone seriously doesn't help me fix the guilt inside.
i need a change is what i need the most. I seriously do, because rite now i have gotten so used to the routine i live everyday. Thats the unhealthy part. I am just trying to find the answers is all i am doing...
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May 20, 03
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plus think of all those hot little japanese schoolgirls.
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May 20, 03
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not to be brutal but instead of thinking about how poor done to you are, do something about it.,...if you want to get away...then get away!!! if you want something enough it can be done so save up some money and get the fuck outta here!!!
i'm glad you're not going to commit suicide because that's such a selfish thing to do, everyone has aspects of their life that they wish didn't exist but that's just how things turned out so you can either sit around doing shit all about your problems or move on... you know i understand where your're coming from kenji and if i can be happy so can you!
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May 20, 03
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May 20, 03
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May 22, 03
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kenji, i told you to call me... and you didnt!!!! its ok though... and there was a lot i wanted to say on here but shit everyone has summed it up. dont wait for the people to forgive you, forgive yourself. the most important person to kenji should be kenji, so forgive him first.
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May 22, 03
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just because someone says somethin doesn't make it true. i understand where yuo're comin from man. everyone does at some point or another. shit hits the fan harder for some people or another. i myself was a disgruntled little fat kid with issues, took a while for me to talk to anyone bout those issues. a councilor, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist..etc really DO help maybe check that out man
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May 26, 03
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i know how you feel about the crying because you let someone down ... i used to even tho i didnt rerally let anyone down my ex used to just make me feel like i did every thign wrong.. and it was my fault something bad would happen to him and i would cry .. and just the other day i got hipnotized.. by this guy that came to our school and ever since then every thign makes me over upset and i cry or think about every thing differently...in real life im a over emotional person most the timebut this is just strange.. and i thinmk its scaring my boyfirned..
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May 28, 03
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dont worrie kenji i bet if u apoligize and explain why u acted that way im sure things will work out :) *huggles*
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May 28, 03
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Cheer up :kimmie: ...and juss talk to them...parents are actually pretty understanding when it comes to their own flesh and blood...I know what it feels like though so juss take a breather and sit down and explain to them...
**Lovablz** Paige :kimmie:
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May 31, 03
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everyone goes through hard times. but the strongs one push through it and rise above it.
i went threw a really hard emotional month about 6 months ago, but in the end, the outcome was much better for me. now i have everything i could ever ask for in life, and more. whatever you don't like about yourself, just change it. its really easy.
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May 31, 03
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I feel happier and better as a person. I just had to get off my ass and do somethign about it. It was easy though its still a slow process. Mentally it feels better
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