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| Mind and Body Ask for advice or offer some. Keep it work safe clean. |
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Jul 20, 03
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bottled up emotions and thoughts...
being a torn and growing up teenager.. im going through some typical problems.. but right now when i need someone by my side... no one is there. everyone i know/meet nowadays i cant build the trust relationship.. im always intimidated and closed. there's tons that i want to get out, but i can't even put it to words and speak it out loud...or simply share...it repetitivly cycles in my mind and i either girlie cry about it or draw it out in pictures that dont mean anything. i feel like a wuss.. seriously do. i can't play this tough girl character all my life...its totally my fault for attracting problems and complications into my own life. im not going to run to a stranger and spill everything.. because i know truthfully the stranger doesn't care....and a stranger's opinion is not going to change my thoughts because im stubborn and i like doing things my way. this is such a bad habit...
im totally gonna regret starting this thread, but the most i can do now is post on a message forum...this is so sad. -----confused child------ 
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Jul 20, 03
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2 things that may help you, cus i have been through the same thing all the time recently.
1- try writing down your feelings, just the way you are feeling them inside..write your thoughts and ponders and sadnesses down...hopfully this will eleviate some of the burden you are experiencing. 2-go out and find a new place to make your friends. i have found some extremly real , kind people where i least expect them. it sounds to me, from reading your post, that you need someone in your life that you truly trust that you can share your feelings and problems with....a quality non biased listener. remember to:) though
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Jul 20, 03
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BIG HUG... (? )
If you need to talk msg me... im a great councellor... i helped my best friend go through the hardest time of her life when her mom was murdered and i've been through alot of my own shit... if u need some1 to talk 2 im here :)
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Jul 21, 03
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1) i do write down my thoughts... my visual journal has more writing in it than art.
2) its just this phase out of highschool where i lose touch with a lot of ppl due to a hugeeee amount of people i know going away for school and different interests. i dont have the patience to go out to meet new friends anymore lol. come meet me instead sheesh lol.
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Jul 21, 03
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I know what your going through bev as you could see from my post about friends turning there back on you when you need them the most. getting out of highschool can be a very big change in your life and you lose touch with a lot of the people that you vowed never to let go of. unfortunately sometimes they have different plans and it can leave you feeling left behind. and it is very overwhelming to feel like you need to replace those close bonnds. and while you learn to do that you struggle with keeping things down because its just not the same. I've been out of school for a year now and it still gets me down. your doing the right thing by writing things down. sometimes it helps you realize more then you would regularly. I do a lot of talking to new people in my life but i feel like my issues are in the past with my old friends and I can talk till i'm blue in the face but i still feel like i need to talk to them in the end. I dont realy know just yet how to survive this feeling either but when i figure it out i'll try and pass it on. just keep strong and try not to shut to many good people out of your life just because you cant talk to them. -bonds take time and perhaps one day you will be able to let it all out. it just all takes time. god i hate saying that but thats just the way it goes some times. I dont know all that is bothering you but I hope all works out in the end. I know the dispair of lonelyness. you just have to dig down inside at some point and just depend on yourself. but you need to be ready. it will just click. take care.
Last edited by Kandyapple; Jul 21, 03 at 01:59 PM.
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Jul 21, 03
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ummm yah i dont know where those little dudes came from
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Jul 21, 03
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ya writing shit down really does help i do it all the time anytime i get pissed off at something to the point were its making me feel down i just write down exaclty what im thinking, and it makes me feel better.
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Jul 21, 03
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sorry to hear you're feeling confused bev. we all do at times, you seem like a smart girl and your life appears to be headed in a positive direction for you, with school and everything.
good times are ahead just keep your chin up and dont be afraid to let things out that are weighing on you. find someone and talk to them, cuz you'll feel better.
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Jul 21, 03
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IM SO FUCKING LOST
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Jul 21, 03
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more like writing shit down and "accidently" leaving it open at a friends house... that would work for me..but would take A LOT of guts. and no way i have that kind of guts right now.
oh so so lost.
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Jul 22, 03
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oh god bev. once again it seems like we're going through the same shit.
i'm feeling sooo lost right now. it's just weird. been out for a month and still getting used to things. haven't talked to pretty much anyone from my school since grad.. it's hard to get used to. and the fact that in september, i'm not going to school!#% i don't quite know what to do with myself right now. i'm trying to figure things out, but i'll think one thing, and the next day i'll change my mind. haha.. it's just one big feeling of lostness and loserness (for me at least, no job, no school, not going anywhere in life.. or so it seems) and like you i find it sooo hard to open up to new people. it's just hard to trust them, and i'm always holding back, no matter who it is. so it just makes it harder to make new friends since it's so hard to give them a chance to prove their trust to me. it's almost like i don't want to give them that chance because what if they can't? it'll just be another disappointment. anyways.. i don't quite know where i'm going with this.. just.. rambling. but know you're not alone bev. =)
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Jul 22, 03
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cheryl..scary how we both have the same problems..all the time, at least you have a bf by your side that you can spill to. i hope this is just a phase and not a permanent thing.. im totally up for meeting some new ppl..but i dont know where to start. im slowly getting things figured out.. by myself.. step number one is to not fall into a depression mode and be emotional about everything. must cheer up and hope for a better day.
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Jul 22, 03
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yunno what?
if your lost in the middle of a maze, and you just sit there moping about, waiting for someone to come find you or some shit, all that'll happen is taht you will STAY lost. So you have no idea where you are in life right now. so what? start walking in whatever direction interests you. don't worry about where it'll end up, you'll find out. and if it turns out to take you somewhere you don't like, then go in a different direction. Simple as that. the more you run around the maze, the more you'll understand its layout, and the better you'll be able to navigate it. I know where I am right now. I am right here. and I'm gonna go whichever way I feel like going. Where will it go? who knows. but it's somewhere. and just the novelty of going SOMEWHERE makes where ever you end up alot better than where you are right now. follow your heart trust your gut
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Jul 22, 03
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^^^thats what i use your damn sketchbooks for.
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Jul 23, 03
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bev... gosh. we should trade sad stories .. on saturday or something. .
i posted this from my thread : p maybe it'll relieve one string of stress in ur head or more.. ha maybe my situation would make u feel better... kuz i feel so tortured these days
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Jul 23, 03
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Quote:
wutever happened to living up to ur AA name? hahahaa dur... making online friends is great. kuz u can open up and never have to meet them! especially those that are far and away. gosh... i swear... a rave is where u let your feelings be free! but it's too bad for you, that one doesn't pop e LOLOL
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Jul 23, 03
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no matter what anyone says im not letting drugs or raves be an escape for myself... its all so temporary just like how everything have been in my life. i dont want to talk about this anymore.. ill figure things out and tough it out.
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Jul 23, 03
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It's tough when you go through life trying to maintain this image of an independant person that does not let their emotions get the best of them. Especially at such a vulnerable and fragile stage in life, does it seem ever so important to have someone there for you. Sometimes, all you can depend on is yourself, and although it may seem shitty now for you to not "truely" have someone, you are getting it out in your own way (written, drawn, etc.) Hell, even with you making this post, it's another way of lashing out in a constructive manner.
The same thing happened to me a year or so before hs ended, I was alone for the longest time. I went out, hung out with some new people, some went, some stayed, and some are now my best friends, but that's just the way it is. I realize now that those I trusted before weren't as reliable or as dedicated friends as the ones I have now. Keep your head up, know that there are people willing to help you if you ever need it.
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Jul 25, 03
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kinda interesting a friend of a friend came by my house earlier tonite and told me what my old friends are up to now..they said i completely dropped off the face of the earth. but yet she understand that its kinda hard for me to "drop off the face of the earth" and kinda hop right back into the groupie. sadly the lifestyle my old friends have dont interests me one bit.. maybe im being picky who knows. im not going to say i have tight group of friends when behind their backs i dont get along with them at all...nor i want to be influenced with their lifestyle that i dont agree to. its all a big search i tell ya.. searching for the right people to be around with and to grow with. at least i dont take laughter and smiles for granted anymore.
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Jul 25, 03
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you should see a person who specializes in Freudian psychoanalysis where they hypnotize you and you can just spill it all out without being embarassed. bottling it up all inside can drive you seriously insane
hahaha uhhh but yeah anyways enough about what i just learned at school this week :284: having someone to just spill to is seriously so damn important. it cant be just anyone this person has to either be a really good friend who cares about you or even a councellor who talks to you on a more professional level. either way, if those issues are kept inside and not resolved fast, anxiety builds and you're just not gonna be smiling much. i'm always open for hearing you out if you want.
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Jul 25, 03
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Quote:
really mainly about striving to be this independant person deal.... in my eyes, this independant, unique live for yourself picture is a more western way of seeing life. asians tend to prefer belonging to a group and following similar views regarding cultural roots while competing with everyone in the group at the same time. from what i've seen, most people who've moved out of the group thing to become more independant and unique are usually more confused. It's hard to go back to the stressful and competitive asian group mode of things, yet you still feel like you have an obligation to stay in contact with people who're a part of your roots. The whole idea of truly being your individual self as an asian living in a foreign country is tough one to achieve. its also a tough decision to make if your original roots really mean anything to you. maybe this is not the case for you but i know theres got to be people who've felt this
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